For the second straight year, we’re choosing to go ALL IN with the NL East team in the World Series this year. If you remember last year, we changed the name of our blog during the World Series to back the Atlanta Braves.

And this year, we’re back on our same sh*t. We’re going all in on the team in the NL East, and again, it’s for two reasons. The first being none other than our guy Kyle Gibson. Is he the greatest K. Gibson to ever be in a World Series? People are asking.

But we love Gibby. Kyle goes way back with this blog. Like wayyyyyy back.

Kyle was retweeting KB back before Twitter had an official retweet button. He’s an O.G. cool kid. Greatest Twin/Ranger/Phillie to ever live, in our opinion.

And not to toot our own horn, but we may have a hand on this SURGE (shoutout MOB) that the Phillies are going on right now. Allow me to explain. When I used to produce for Jim Rome, he always used to reference Jungle Karma. If you were good to the show, good things would happen for you. It happened all the time. If Von Miller jumped on with us, he’d rack up like 2.5 sacks in his next game. The Jungle Karma was real. Well, I’m not sure if some of that karma rubbed off on me when I left, but good things happen to those who are good to this blog.

From comedian Aaron Chewning getting a World Series win out of his favorite team and launching a very successful golf comedy brand, St. Andre Golf, all the way to Kyle Brandt, who consistently shouts us out on Good Morning Football or his podcast Kyle Brandt’s Basement, and his career has skyrocketed. Are we taking credit for his success? You bet your ass we are. And now we’ve got our guy Kyle Gibson. A guy who literally signed up for Instagram in 2020 just to do an Instagram Live with us. And now? No joke, the Phillies have been unstoppable since Kyle gave us this endorsement at Wrigley Field.

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I’m not trying to lift Romey’s schtick here, but there seems to be some sort of Korked Karma here. If you’re good to the blog, good things will happen for you.

But again, we said we’re pulling for the Phillies for two reasons. The second being: the damn Astros.

In last year’s blog, I believe I described the Astros by saying they “suck a big ol’ bag of donkey wangs.” And ya know what? It still holds true. That bag of donkey wangs is still being sucked by the Stros. Where in the hell do you even find a bag of donkey wangs? Call me old fashioned, but I’m still hung up on the fact that the Houston Astros cheated their way to a world title in 2017. So honestly, I hope the ghost of Jorge Soler haunts this team and they lose yet another chance to win a legitimate ring. Until Alex Bregman and Yuli Gurriel are gone and/or Jose Altuve hits puberty, I will always hate the Astros and hope they never win a “piece of metal” ever again.

Plus, here’s a bonus third reason we’re pulling for the Phils: my mom is from Philly. Shoutout Upper Darby High School.

So go Phillies. Go win a ring. And go Kyle Gibson.

The post OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: For The Second Straight Year, We’re Pulling For The NL East In The World Series appeared first on Korked Bats.

Are we really doing this again? Apparently, everyone is learning for the first time that MLB Hall of Famer Randy Johnson is a photographer. Seriously? Not to be a Randy Johnson Photography hipster, but how did everyone not know this? I thought we all knew. How is this the first time most people are learning about this? This feels like every few months when the Internet learns that this GIF of Robert Redford is NOT Zach Galifianakis.

And even if many didn’t know about Randy’s post-retirement gig as an Ansel Adams wannabe, I feel like the note of his photography company’s logo went viral just last year. Am I crazy?

Oh cool, Randy chooses to cash in on that bird on his terms apparently, blah blah blah, but when someone else references he gets all “that’s not me” on us. Look, if I sound bitter and annoyed, it’s because I am. If there are two enemies we have at Korked Bats, it’s Dana White for having our Instagram account deactivated and making us start over from scratch and Randy Johnson for blocking us on Instagram. That’s right. Given the fact that many of you are learning about Randy’s passion for polaroids, I’m sure you’re also learning of his passion for the block button.

Just so everyone knows, again, that guy on the subway checking out his mullet WAS. NOT. RANDY.

So naturally, whenever he trends, we hear about it.

Being blocked by the Big Unit is something we have to deal with every single day, and frankly, we wouldn’t wish this feeling upon our worst enemy. Lol, JK, we always wish the worst for Dana White. I mean, imagine being blocked online by a 5-time Cy Young Award winner who you grew up idolizing. That’s a tough pill to swallow. But maybe one day, he’ll unblock us, and we can enjoy the photos of the Grand Canyon or whatever he shares on his protected Instagram page.

P.S. Follow @korkedbats on Instagram! Help us build back what Dana White destroyed.

The post Everyone On The Internet Is Learning Randy Johnson Is Now A Photographer And It’s Triggered Our PTSD Of Him Blocking Us appeared first on Korked Bats.

You freaking did it.

Dance your ass off like Steve Ballmer announcing the release of Windows ’95. Because it’s been that long since the Braves have scaled this mountain.

The Braves won their last ring in the same year Amazon sold its first book. And now they’re winning their next ring the same year Amazon’s founder shipped himself into outer space. The same place Jorge Soler’s monster dong ended up tonight.

The Braves haven’t been able to flash a championship ring since POGS were a thing. Freakin’ POGS. The Braves went through an entire damn lifespan of a stadium (RIP in peace, Turner Field) without a world title. The city of Atlanta got and lost an entire NHL franchise in the time between Braves titles. Hell, even the Crime Dog won more titles with Tom Emanski’s back-to-back-to-back AAU champions.

But all that is flushed. All of that is gone. No more can people make Atlanta sports jokes. They’ve finally gotten that monkey off their back, which is good because Tyler Matzek needs somewhere to drape his third leg over.

I’m honestly happy for my Braves fan friends. From my online friends (@RileysRakes, @JeffMDonahoo, @AaronChewning, and @JDunnah) to my real-life friends (Grit, my childhood friend Rob Queener, and pretty much everyone I went to high school with), and – of course – to my life-long friends like Brian.

And I don’t mean this in some sort of condescending “good for you” or “I’m happy you finally get to experience what winning is like” type of way you’d get from many certain fans. *cough* St. Louis *cough* I mean this legitimately. I’m happy because I know it’s not easy to be a Braves fan. If it was, everyone would do it. But no one wants to, because no one wants to suffer the heartbreak, the pain, and all the 3-1 and 28-3 jokes my friends have had to endure.

No one wants to deal with the – what seemed like – endless pain and suffering from Craig Kimbrel being left in the pen to Lance Berkman’s grand slam off Farnsworth. From the Tiger Woods memes to the failed Rally Potatoes. From the 10-run first inning to St. Louis to Grit not paying up on his NLCS bet.

Hell, there were plenty of moments this year alone that were tough to stomach. From Acuña going down, to being under .500 at the All-Star Break, to Joc Pederson bleaching his hair blonde.

But all of that led to this moment. All of that hurt should only make this moment that much greater. Enjoy the hell out of it, Braves fans. You’re world champions.

P.S. On behalf of America, thank you for kicking Houston’s ass. They suck a massive 36-gallon Glad trash bag full of donkey dicks. We all hate them.

P.P.S. Extend Frederick Charles Freeman.

The post The Braves Did The Damn Thing For The First Time Since 1995 appeared first on Korked Bats.

As the lead purveyor of this blog, I can kinda do whatever the hell I want. And as a Dodgers fan – yes, I know, I’ll get to that in a sec – I’m officially turning Korked Bats into Korked Braves for the Fall Classic.

Full disclosure: I am a Dodgers fan. A massive one. If you didn’t know that, it’s probably because I don’t use this blog to flaunt my fandom, at least not like I do with Derrick Henry. Mainly because I know everyone hates the Dodgers and Dodgers fans. Plus, the world doesn’t need another obnoxious Dodgers fan. So I keep this fandom (my absolute most diehard fandom) to myself.

But this decision to turn this blog into a fan site for the team that just eliminated mine actually isn’t as difficult as you might imagine. At least personally. While losing in the NLCS (yet again) hurts like a papercut in the skin between your fingers, it doesn’t hurt as bad when they lose to the Braves. Let me explain. Growing up in Nashville, I was always fond of the Braves. I considered them my second favorite NL team. Can you even have a second favorite NL team? I actually always hate people who root for two teams. I think it’s lame. So I’ll just say that I have been fond of the Braves from the first time I went to Turner Field in 6th grade.

That’s me and my buddy Brian. He’s a massive Atlanta Braves fan, an avid Korked Bats reader and one of my best friends throughout childhood. Our moms took us out of school early on a Friday. We made the short drive down to Atlanta, went to the game, and stayed in a hotel. As you might imagine, it was dope.

My mom even let me get a hat from the Turner Field Team Store. I got this black and gray Braves hat. It was one of my favorite hats.

Also, I don’t think we were supposed to climb up on Hank Aaron’s number like that. But no one was going to tell me what to do. Not in my sick jorts and badass Dennis Rodman kicks.

So not only do I have a soft spot in my sports fandom for the Braves, but a lot of my friends are Braves fans, and like the Dodgers, they’ve been through the ringer for many years. Always great, but never great enough. So I get it. Plus, I’ve always been hella impressed and kinda jealous of just how awesome #BravesTwitter is. It’s not just relentless, it’s also hilarious and damn creative. Shout out Riley’s Rakes, Jeff Donahoo, and JDunnah. I want those dudes to be happy because they make me happy online.

Also, can’t forget talking to massive Braves honk and comedian (probably in that order) Aaron Chewning last year.

Aaron is insanely hilarious and I want him to be happy.

Hell, this blog also got really into the #RallyPotato movement last season. We even sold some shirts.

And on top of all of that, Waffle House is my favorite restaurant on earth. The Braves have Waffle Houses in their damn stadium. How can I not LOVE that?

Now look, I understand the optics on this look dumb. You can’t just jump onto a bandwagon whenever your team gets eliminated. That’s a dick move. You’re supposed to feel pain. I actually agree. And I do. I feel a lot of pain. But I want the Braves to win the World Series for a reason that runs much deeper. For a reason that plays into my pain. This isn’t a bandwagon jump more than it is revenge. Because more than everything said above, I want the Braves to win the World Series for one main reason:

• The Houston Astros suck a big ol’ bag of donkey wangs.

As a massive baseball fan, and Dodgers fans, I despise the Astros and what they did to Kershaw, the 2017 Dodgers (arguably the greatest Dodgers team I’ve ever seen in my life – and the fact that they took a cheating team to 7 games should only prove that), and the sport of baseball in general. They cheated the sport and deserve nothing but bad things. Especially since the commissioner’s office refused to punish them with bad things.

I would love nothing more than the Braves to give the Astros a swirley every single game. To kick them square in the nuts every single game. To piss in their cereal and make them eat it every single game. And I don’t mean this figuratively.

Especially with reports of them cheating… AGAIN. Listen for the whistles before pitches in the videos below:

So Braves fans, while you’re Ohhh Ohhh Ohhhh-ing, be on the listen for whistles.

And then do all of America a favor and kick the living crap out of the Astros, that escaped Santa’s workshop elf Jose Altuve, and that human catheter tube Carlos Correa. They deserve nothing but the worst things. And Braves fans, if you’re cool with it, Korked Bats is going all-in for the next 4-7 games on the Atlanta Braves.

P.S. Bill Plaschke sucks. If there’s one thing Braves fans and Dodgers fans can agree on, it’s that Bill Plaschke is the absolute worst. Trust me, #BravesTwitter, Dodgers fans might hate him more than you.

The post OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Korked Bats Is A Braves Blog For The 2021 World Series appeared first on Korked Bats.

Gerrit, who’s already missing a T at the end of his name, was asked point-blank if he’s ever used Spider Tack – which for those of you who aren’t well versed on your common tacks, it’s probably the most efficient when it comes to helping pitchers up their spin rate. So Gerrit was asked about it. Why? Well, for a few reasons:

• He was named by a fired Angels clubhouse attendant who was, at one point, tasked with getting sticky stuff for pitchers
• there’s, ummm, pretty damning video of Gerrit using sticky stuff

Oh, and uhhh, how about this?

• In his first start after MLB announced increased suspensions for players using illegal substances, Gerrit Cole pitched the shortest outing of the season after giving up 5 earned runs against the Rays

I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

And then to cap it all off, Gerrit doesn’t exactly give a strong defense to the question of whether or not he uses Spider Tack.

“Um … I don’t … (long pause) I don’t know, I don’t know if uh … (long pause) I don’t know quite, I don’t quite know how to answer that … I mean … there are customs and practices …. ”

Damn, my man. That was the longest “yes” of all time. You could’ve sung Take Me Out To The Ballgame in the pregnant pauses of that answer. In fact, Gerrit could’ve whipped out a can (or does it come in a tube or a jar?) of Spider Tack right then and said, “Yeah, I use it! And I would’ve gotten away with it had it not been for you pesky kids!” and that answer would’ve made him look less guilty than he does here.

But where could Gerrit Cole have learned about something like this? Where could he have even obtained the secret of the Spider Tack? How did he go from pretty good Pirates ace to inking the richest free-agent pitching contract in history?

Oh, huh. Weird. His ERA was nearly cut in half after joining the *checks notes* Houston Astros. It’s funny how everything Trevor Bauer used to hint at when he would call out the Astros for getting pitchers to increase their spin rates is coming to light now.

Now look, this isn’t a banging trash cans situation. Are the Astros cheating here? Probably. Are they the only team? Definitely not. But with Verlander’s increased spin rate in Houston and Gerrit Cole’s and a bunch of others, the handwriting is on the wall. And it’s written in Spider Tack.

This saga is far from over, and I’m interested to see how it plays out. But before you go dancing on the grave of your most hated pitchers getting caught, just remember your favorite pitcher could very well get ousted soon.

The post Gerrit Cole Could’ve Outright Admitted To Using Spider Tack & Wouldn’t Have Sounded As Guilty As His Actual Answer appeared first on Korked Bats.

The 53-year-old — who was fired for his alleged role in the team’s 2017 sign-stealing scandal — made the revelation in a lengthy interview with KPRC 2 that aired Monday.

“It’s pretty clear who was involved in the video decoding scheme, when it started, how often it happened, and basically when it ended,” Luhnow said.

“And it’s also pretty clear who was not involved. And I don’t know why that information, that evidence, wasn’t discussed in the ruling, wasn’t used.”

Luhnow continued, “The people who were involved that didn’t leave naturally to go to other teams are all still employed by the Astros.”

In fact, Luhnow claims one of the “intimately involved” cheaters that he had demoted during his time as GM was actually re-promoted in the aftermath of MLB’s punishments.

“None of those people faced any repercussions,” Luhnow said. “They weren’t discussed in the report, but the evidence is all there that they were involved.”

via TMZ Sports

Hold on. You mean to tell me that the team that got caught for cheating in 2017, 2018 and parts of 2019, who only got rid of the manager and GM who, per the Commissioner’s report, had no direct role in the scandal is still employing cheaters within their franchise? Well color me shocked.

Maybe it’s because after the biggest cheating scandal since the 1919 Black Sox, that gap-toothed commissioner gave immunity to everyone involved just to learn the truth. Great tactic, Bob. Let’s hope he never gets a job in our country’s justice department. الرهان الرياضي

And now Jeff Lunhow is saying everyone still involved is still with the team, and on top of that, one clubhouse attendant who was directly involved – who Lunhow demoted from the clubhouse – was immediately promoted back to his clubhouse role after Lunhow was fired. Sketch? Of course. But is there anything this franchise does that isn’t sketchy anymore?

I mean this year’s team finished the 60-game regular season 2 games under .500, hit terribly as an entire team, and squeaked into the postseason, and then just all of a sudden decided to turn it on.

Carlos Correa’s batting average alone jumped up a full .100 points from the regular season to the postseason this year. Hmmm. The point here isn’t whether they cheated again – which we can no longer put past them – the point is the fact that they’ll never be able to accomplish anything without us taking it with a grain of salt. And speaking of a grain of salt, Jose Altive is the size of one, but also, the Astros (and their obnoxiously loud fans) can get salty as they want. But this is the truth.

They can argue, “Don’t most people respect the Patriots franchise? They were punished for cheating three separate times!” That is true. But not one of those times did Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, or anyone on staff directly admit to cheating. Even with Deflategate when Tom smashed his phone before the NFL got to it, he never officially admitted to any wrong doing. موقع كازينو 888 Heck, even their latest instance – filming the Bengals sideline last year – the camera guy claimed he was shooting footage for a documentary. The Astros, on the other hand, all admitted to the plot, all for the trade off of immunity. So the reason we know they cheated came directly from their own mouths.

Which means as long as the core of this team is put together, we will never trust a single accomplishment they ever achieve. Not that they need our justification or approval, but what good is winning if there’s no respect that comes with it?

And just in case you needed further evidence of how poor Rob Manfred has done as the commissioner of baseball, just hear Lunhow talk about how the investigation went down.

“I think the investigation was not attempting to really uncover who did what, and who was really responsible,” Luhnow said. “The goal of the investigation was to deliver punishments that Rob could feel good about and that would calm the panic.”

Jeff added, “They had to create a case they felt good enough about in order to punish me.”

Reading these quotes out of context may just make Lunhow seem like an ex-GM who’s butt hurt he’s now out of work. Which I’m sure he is. But if you watch the interview, he backs up this claim more than these two sentences. MLB wasn’t looking to punish players, but they still had to make someone fall just to appease the Dodgers, Yankees, and other MLB teams who were furious. So they went after the manager and GM – who they claimed in their own report – did not exactly have direct knowledge of the instance. LOL. Lunhow also claimed an investigator admitted that the investigation was extended two weeks with the sole motive of finding incriminating evidence on Jeff Lunhow, which they never technically did.

No matter how much you hate the Astros, you do have to acknowledge this is turning into a he-said, she-said instance. Which means the only thing we’ll have is who’s side are we going to agree with. And after watching the entire 35-minute video (no really, I did. I do the heavy lifting so you don’t have to), I think Jeff Lunhow is telling the truth here. He gave very specific evidence, made valid points, and did not appear fidgety. Nor did he get aggressively defensive at one point in the entire half-hour interview. *cough* Carlos Correa *cough*

Lunhow does express love for the Astros in the interview and talked fondly of the 2017 season, no matter how tainted we all view it. He also admitted that he still roots for them to win, which I can understand. He built this franchise from the laughing stock of the league in 2011 to annual playoff cheaters contenders in about 5 years. So this isn’t a Mike Fiers situation where he’s trying to burn every bridge.

All in all, the Astros are still gainfully employing players and staff who were the masterminds behind the most elaborate cheating scandal in the history of baseball. لعبة روليت مجانا Sure, we make jokes about it all the time. But this fact should not be lost in all the jokes and (for lack of a better term) trash talk.

Look, the fact that we should just all expect the Astros to never cheat or bend the rules ever again would just be naive on our part. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That phrase isn’t just true in witty rom-coms or amongst girlfriends sharing cocktails, it’s true in sports too. As long as there is competition, there will be those who try to gain competitive advantage – whether legal or not. And the Astros are that team. It’s just a shame the sport doesn’t have a competent commissioner who can properly distribute justice for the actions that has tainted his sport.

[divider][/divider]

For the backstory on the entire saga, watch this:

The post You Might Wanna Sit Down For This, But The Astros’ Ex-GM Says They Still Employ Cheaters appeared first on Korked Bats.

This is an appreciation blog of our good friend Kyle Benjamin Gibson.

If you love Gibby as much as us and/or hate the Astros as much as us, then the video in the tweet above is straight up pornography. Sorry, should’ve slapped a NSFW warning on there. My bad. But damn, did Gibby bring it tonight.

It’s been up and down year for Gibby, for sure. ربح المال من الالعاب No hiding that fact. But apparently he made an adjustment to his approach (typical pitcher talk), and it worked.

Our freckled friend proved he’s still got it. Let this be a warning: don’t let KGib44 get hot, people. لعبة القمار Don’t let him. Because he’ll make you look foolish. Just ask the 2017 World Champs*. He allowed as many runs as we have respect for the Astros’ World Series ring: zero.

Why do we love this ginger so much? Because he’s been a big supporter of all things Korked Bats over the years. To the point where he even signed up for an Instagram account just to do this Chat with us. Watch.

So Kyle Gibson will always be this blog Cy Young. Scratch that. Cy Young will always be this blog’s Kyle Gibson. We’re ride or die with this guy, and last night we rode to the tune of 9 strikeouts over 9 complete innings with ZERO earned runs.

Kyle Gibson, you’re the man.

The post Our Friend Kyle Gibson Pitched A Complete Game Shutout Against Our Enemy The Houston Astros appeared first on Korked Bats.

How’s Jose Altuve doing this year?

Poor guy.

You have to feel bad for him, right? I mean, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m sorry. I couldn’t even get through that without laughing.

There is not a morsel of sympathy in my body for Jose Altuve or any of the Houston Astros. Why? Because there wasn’t a morsel of sorrow from them after they cheated, got caught cheating, and then admitted to cheating. If anything, they got defensive. And on top of that, they faced no punishment, but rather, immunity. So there’s been no justice served. Well, none aside from public shaming, which Rob Manfred said himself should be the punishment.

Rob Manfred back in February: “I do take issue with is the notion that anybody in the Houston organization escaped without punishment. I think if you look at the faces of the Houston players as they’ve been out there publicly addressing this issue, they have been hurt by this.”

So I guess gap-tooth is leaving this punishment up to us. And the fact that they’re clearly struggling this year tells me everyone’s doing a hell of a job. Keep it up!

Because the Astros have turned heel, like any nWo wrestler or LeBron with the Heat. They played into the hate only to make us hate them more. The only difference between the Wolfpack and the Heatles is, they actually won. The Astros have been less than mediocre this year. And I’m sure that feeling outweighs the feeling of winning for most people’s favorite teams. Justice feels good.

My question is: do you think Altuve regrets not showing us his “embarrassing tattoo” now? Because there’s no way the shame he would’ve received for a bad tattoo is half as bad as the shame he’s receiving now.

The only person I kinda feel bad for is Dusty Baker. Being named Astros manager after the cheating scandal is like being named the lead singer of Nickelback. He’s a substitute teacher for the detention hall. Poor guy is gonna chew through twice as many toothpicks this year out of sheer frustration.

The post Dusty Baker Says Jose Altuve‘s Struggles Are “Killing Him” Which Is Sad Because HAHAHAHAHA! appeared first on Korked Bats.

We got more junk this week, and it’s a lot of fun. Here are some of the top moments:

(5:35) – We dive deep into the nostalgia of shopping malls… remember those?

(13:21) – We shift gears and move the nostalgia to the Scholastic Book Fair… remember those?

(30:39) – College football is probably not getting canceled entirely, BUT JUST IN CASE IT DOES, we have a list of things you can partake in to help you enjoy your football-less fall.

(59:26) – This week’s FRANK FACT is about Genghis Kahn, and it is wild.

(1:12:54) – Let’s put things that grind our gears on to The List…

Listen on Apple Podcasts here

EP13: Things To Do If College Football Is Canceled | RUNDOWN:

2:27 – Nickelback Is Dropping A New Album

5:35 – Remember Shopping Malls?

13:21 – Remember The Scholastic Book Fair?

18:19 – The Current State of College Football

30:39 – Things To Do If College Football Is Canceled

53:51 – The Astros Still Suck

59:26 – FRANK FACT

1:06:20 – COFFEE BREAK

1:08:46 – Steph Curry’s New Shoe Line

1:12:54 – THE LIST: People Who Don’t Pick Up Their Dog’s Poop

1:15:40 – THE LIST: To Do Lists

1:17:11 – THE LIST: The Next Episode Button on Netflix

The post The Junk Drawer: Things To Do If College Football Is Canceled, Genghis Kahn Facts, & Remember Shopping Malls? appeared first on Korked Bats.

Apparently everything is cake now.

…including these sports logos. تعليم لعبة البوكر

The post Sports Logos, But They’re Cake appeared first on Korked Bats.