fbpx
Monday, February 10, 2025

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Gerrit Cole Could’ve Outright Admitted To Using Spider Tack & Wouldn’t Have Sounded As Guilty As His Actual Answer

Summer has always been a time of year for an increased amount of sticky balls, but unfortunately not this summer. Thanks to Cardinals skipper Mike Shildt, the summer of cracking down on MLB pitchers and their sticky balls has begun. And the man who is quickly falling into the epicenter of it all appears to be Yankees pitcher Gerrit Cole.

Gerrit, who’s already missing a T at the end of his name, was asked point-blank if he’s ever used Spider Tack – which for those of you who aren’t well versed on your common tacks, it’s probably the most efficient when it comes to helping pitchers up their spin rate. So Gerrit was asked about it. Why? Well, for a few reasons:

Oh, and uhhh, how about this?

I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

And then to cap it all off, Gerrit doesn’t exactly give a strong defense to the question of whether or not he uses Spider Tack.

“Um … I don’t … (long pause) I don’t know, I don’t know if uh … (long pause) I don’t know quite, I don’t quite know how to answer that … I mean … there are customs and practices …. ”

Damn, my man. That was the longest “yes” of all time. You could’ve sung Take Me Out To The Ballgame in the pregnant pauses of that answer. In fact, Gerrit could’ve whipped out a can (or does it come in a tube or a jar?) of Spider Tack right then and said, “Yeah, I use it! And I would’ve gotten away with it had it not been for you pesky kids!” and that answer would’ve made him look less guilty than he does here.

But where could Gerrit Cole have learned about something like this? Where could he have even obtained the secret of the Spider Tack? How did he go from pretty good Pirates ace to inking the richest free-agent pitching contract in history?

Oh, huh. Weird. His ERA was nearly cut in half after joining the *checks notes* Houston Astros. It’s funny how everything Trevor Bauer used to hint at when he would call out the Astros for getting pitchers to increase their spin rates is coming to light now.

Now look, this isn’t a banging trash cans situation. Are the Astros cheating here? Probably. Are they the only team? Definitely not. But with Verlander’s increased spin rate in Houston and Gerrit Cole’s and a bunch of others, the handwriting is on the wall. And it’s written in Spider Tack.

This saga is far from over, and I’m interested to see how it plays out. But before you go dancing on the grave of your most hated pitchers getting caught, just remember your favorite pitcher could very well get ousted soon.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.