A Recap of The Bachelor From A Guy – Fantasy Suites Week
Victoria F.’s Date
Here’s the date absolutely no one was waiting for. Except for Peter, who’s been willing to overlook every red flag just to get this girl into a fantasy suite. He’s been horned up ever since she hit him with her “The only thing dry about me is my sense of humor” line from night one. If Peter gets that revved up over terrible jokes, he should read this recap every week.
Peter surprised Victoria F. by telling her they would be going on a helicopter tour. Peter was probably like, “Helicopter?? I barely know her! …but ok.” FANTASY SUITE WEEK!
Peter probably opted for this date with Victoria F. because the noise of the helicopter blades were the best thing to drown out Victoria F.’s whiny voice. However, predictably they didn’t do much sightseeing, unless you count their tongues sightseeing the inside of the other one’s mouth. (They made out a lot.) Then they landed on top of a waterfall. Personally, I would’ve stuck to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to, but to each their own I guess. They had a picnic on a rock, where Peter asked Victoria F. if she was a plane fan or a helicopter fan.
I wish I was making this up.
I mean, damn. That would make for a terrible FIRST date question, but nope, that elementary conversation starter was legitimately asked on their fantasy suite week date. Part of me was hoping Victoria F. would answer that question by pushing Peter off the cliff they were sitting on, but instead she said, “Plane fan, of course!” To which Peter said, “Good answer.”
I hate them both with every fiber of my being.
Throughout the entire date, Peter kept addressing the elephant in the room by saying his and Victoria’s relationship “tested.” Personally, I would call it “torture,” because I wouldn’t wish this relationship (or even watching this relationship on a reality TV dating show) upon my worst enemy.
Then they sit down for dinner, and when I say sit down, I mean only sit down, because remember, they don’t eat food. Victoria F. tries to explain that she’s not good at communication because of previous relationships. Of course. Definitely not HER fault. Honestly, she somehow managed to explain why she’s bad at communicating without explaining anything at all.
Then she asked Peter to spell out what exactly he needs in a relationship, which probably shouldn’t be asked this late in the game. Especially considering that’s the only thing Peter has done when he’s been alone with a woman this entire season. “I need 100% commitment.” “I need you to be all in on this relationship.” “I need 22 stitches.” But since Peter is apparently colorblind and can’t see red flags, and Victoria F. has a bangin’ body, he lets it slide and tells her everything he needs.
He proceeded to lecture her on how relationships work. It may have sounded like he was mansplaining, but it was really just explaining because I’m pretty sure Victoria F. legitimately had no idea. I was a little disappointed Peter didn’t lead off with, “Well. for starters, whenever someone pushes back, maybe don’t raise your voice ten octaves and get all whiny.”
Then Peter had Victoria F. open the envelope from Chris inviting her to the Fantasy Suite, which included a metal key that looked like it opened the door of a castle or a secret room in the back of an old bookstore. Do we really need those theatric props, ABC? Can’t you just include a hotel keycard?
After Victoria F. accepted the invite, Peter told her he just wanted more of “this,” as in more time to have deep conversations. And by “deep” conversations, I mean just conversations about conversations. Peter also said that conversation was a turning point for their relationship. I assume because it was the only one they had without Victoria F. storming off into a bathroom, a shadowy corner, or backstage with Chase Rice.
If you’re worried if you missed anything important whatsoever in Peter and Victoria’s time together, here’s a recap of their conversation. Which one? Any of them.
That night Peter and Victoria F. presumably did it, and although I was expecting Peter to make his fantasy suite date with Victoria F. the first one-night-stand in the history of the show by sneaking out before she woke up the next morning, he did not.
Once the sun rose, Victoria F. returned back to the hotel room with the other women where they asked Victoria F. if she boinked Peter the way women ask intimate questions like that…
“You look so cute.”
“Oh, please. I do NOT look cute.”
“You look so skinny!”
“Thanks. I love your dress.”
“Thanks.”
“So how was your date?
“Good.
“Did you get the clarity you were looking for?”
“Yup.”
Aaaaand that’s it. Somehow through that line of questioning, the women could tell Victoria F. did the bippity boppity with Pete. Either that or they just assumed because Victoria F. has never met a Bachelor or a country singer who she didn’t boink.
Click the right arrow for Madison’s date…
