Sunday, September 24, 2023

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Jogging Is Good For The Heart, Not The Playing Time

When you’re fat, you have one of two options to lose the extra baggage.


However, when you are a Major League Baseball player playing for skipper Fredi Gonzalez, you have one option.

  • No jogging.

Last night in the first inning, Florida Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez fouled a ball off his shin causing more obvious discomfort than a Japanese guy at a World War II Veterans Convention. Later, in the 2nd inning, the Arizona Diamondbacks Tony Abreu hit a bloop single over the head of Ramirez. HanRam accidentally kicked the ball deep into the left field corner but gave minimal effort to retrieve it. Following that inning, manager Fredi Gonzalez talked with Hanley to let him know that his night was done. (Check out the video of the whole ordeal, here)

Are you serious?!

You’re going to sit Hanley Ramirez for jogging?! At least he wasn’t walking, crawling, crab walking, cart wheels, running backwards, moon walking, or putting on skates and rollerskating to the ball. Time to think of the glass as half full, Florida.

You aren’t paying HanRam $12 million a year to sit on the bench when he could be on the field day in and day out giving 20% effort. I am going to be honest with you, no one outside of Miami knows anyone on the Marlins roster other than Hanley Ramirez.

I don’t know what it is with guys with nicknames that rhyme with ManRam, but they seem to always be getting in trouble for not hustling.

Hanley has been benched from today’s game, which means more fun for us! You know, the back and forth bickering between player and manager. You know, some fun stuff like this:

“It’s his team. He can do whatever he [expletive] wants.”

“We’ve got a lot of people dogging it. They never pull guys.”

“We’ve got 24 more guys out there. Hopefully, they can do the same thing I can.”

When initially asked about Gonzalez’s actions, Hanley answered: “Who?”

Fredi, he was told.

“Who’s that?”

Your manager.

“Oh, yeah…”

But then it gets even more fun. Hanley delivers the best shot of the whole controversy.

“That’s OK. He doesn’t understand that. He never played in the big leagues,” he said.

Oh Snap! Crackle! AND Pop! He got you, Fredi! You’re gonna need some aloe vera for that burn! Diss back, diss back! (And he does… Kinda.)

“He’s right, but I know how to play the game.”

“I played six years in the minor leagues and I know what it takes to play this game and I know the effort it takes to play this game.”

Really? Is that it? That’s all you could come back with, Fredi? That was like the comeback of a 40-year-old dad. Fredi, you of all people should know that jogging is OK in this sport. I’m sure after your failed attempt in the minor leagues, you gave men’s league softball a try. And that’s all that sport is… jogging. (Mainly, because that’s as fast as old men can move.) Just ask Eric Byrnes.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


2 thoughts on “Jogging Is Good For The Heart, Not The Playing Time

  • Avatar
    May 19, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    that lack of hustle would never have cut


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