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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

A Recap of The Bachelor From A Guy – Fantasy Suites Week

Madison’s Date

Peter is madly in love with Madison. It’s been obvious since the first week of the show, and it’s only become more obvious in these latter weeks of the show.

Peter surprises Madison by telling her they would be going to the top of a skyscraper. The two of them get to the top before he gets her on top, amirite?! FANTASY SUITES WEE–wait, Madison is a virge. I forgot.

The two of them make it to the top of this skyscraper that seemed wayyy too tall to be on, but then again, when has Peter ever made any good decisions. Not like he was about to start now. The whole time, Madison couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Peter probably bippity-bopped both girls. While Peter couldn’t stop thinking about nothing because I’m pretty sure he’s clinically brain dead.

Meanwhile back at the house news broke about Madison’s ultimatum for Peter. This might not be a shocker, but this did not sit well with Victoria F. “How dare she try and break up other relationships by asking Peter NOT to sleep with other women,” the girl who is known for breaking up other relationships by sleeping with men thought aloud.

That evening, Peter and Madison pretended to have dinner. Madison expressed to Peter how big of a deal saving herself for marriage is to her. She told him that she made a commitment to herself growing up, and she’s held to it.

Peter tells Madison that he respects her decision but also essentially hits her with a, “Yeah, but no.” He can’t understand how to have a relationship without boinking, which makes sense after an entire season of seeing how shallow his relationships were.

Madison told him, “The day that I say ‘I do’ to the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with is the day that he’s getting all of me — body, soul, and spirit.” And later adds, “I wouldn’t be able to say yes to an engagement… if you have slept with the other women.”

Even attorney Kelley would have to be impressed with that defense. Madison’s argument comes from a Christian upbringing, but even if you’re not religious, you can’t argue with her logic of not wanting the man who asks for her hand in marriage to have slept with two women – let alone one – in the previous week.

Peter asks, “Just so we’re clear… you’d be able to walk away from this based on something I did in one of my other relationships?” Which, if you take a step back, is a pretty ridiculous claim to begin with. Imagine asking your significant other that with a straight face.

He then confesses to her, “I have been intimate in my other relationships,” which was probably tough for Madison to hear, but look at the good news. At least he hasn’t had as much sex as the Good Doctor has. I’ve never seen an episode of that show, but in the 5 minutes my DVR records each week, that dude is always bluntly shouting out about all the sex he’s always having. Sick brag, Good Doctor. The doctors on Grey’s Anatomy think the Good Doctor has a lot of sex.

Shortly after, Madison excuses herself to cry in a corner, and Peter waited through an entire commercial break before going out to say anything to her. He walks out and cries over her and mumbles things to her like, “I’m sorry,” “I know how hard this is for you,” “I can’t lose you,” and “Say something.”

Peter tells her, “I know I’m not perfect.” Uhhh, yeah. Victoria F. still being on this show is proof of that. Then he begs her not to walk away, because he truly does love her the most, but also because he’s looking to go 3-for-3 in fantasy suite dates. Perfect record.

She walks away.

And that’s that.

Click the right arrow for the Questions of the Week…

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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