It’s been a minute since we’ve dusted off the Take Siren. But this seems like the perfect take for it. Because this is an all-time Take Siren. Hell, this is a Take Tornado Siren. A siren with so much juice it needs to be tested on the first Monday of every month. SHOULD THE LAKERS REST THEIR STARTERS FOR GAME 5?! This feels like something we would tweet tagged with a PEOPLE ARE ASKING! According to take artist Mike Greenberg, the Lakers, who lead their series against the Warriors 3-1, need to rest their starters for Game 5 because there’s no chance they win. Why stop there, Greeny? Why not sit them for the rest of the season? Keep them fresh for next year. Maybe sit them forever? Keep ’em fresh for retirement leagues. I mean, that certainly is a take. But it feels like something a producer put on a show rundown as a joke and Greeny just Ron Burgundy’d it because it was written on the teleprompter. Or hell, did this come about because of the writers’ strike? Personally, I’ve always felt like we don’t need 24-hour news networks, because sometimes, there just isn’t any news. And I’m starting to lean that way with 24-hour sports networks. Especially if we have shows with showrunners who just let topics like this slide. I mean, sure, do you need to give LeBron and A.D. their rest? Yes. And are the Warriors a million times better at home this season than they are on the road? Yes. And will Steph Curry and Draymond be locked in to keep their legacies and title defense alive? Yes. And ohmygahhh, have I come around on this take? SHOULD THE LAKERS REST THEIR STARTERS? I guess people ARE asking.

The post ‘Get Up’ Asks Should The Lakers Rest Their Starters For Game 5? Time To Dust Off The Ol’ Take Siren! appeared first on Korked Bats.

Personally, I don’t get the move. The previous regime of Twitter did all the legwork to verify these accounts and now you’re just erasing all that work because those people don’t shell out $8? Why the hell do regular Twitter users need to know what users pay for the site? It’s so counterintuitive and pointless. But then again, so is owning a company that makes flame throwers, I guess?

Now it should be noted, that we at Korked Bats are subscribed for Twitter Blue and actually were even before Elon took over. Solely because it gives us the ability to post videos longer than 2:20 in length, which most of our original videos are. But you can still hit us with the “this MF’er pays for Twitter” memes because it’s ridiculous that we do. And trust us, you can’t subscribe to Twitter Blue and also opt out of having that annoying check mark. We checked. Pun not intended.

When everyone’s blue check went away, it was awkward to see which celebrities still had one. Many people – including us – pointed out that, despite saying he’d never cough up the $5 per month or whatever, LeBron James was somehow subscribed to Twitter Blue.

That blue check used to mean a sign of prestige and/or notoriety. Now it’s nothing but a Scarlett letter, branding you as a complete sucker with your money. Why in the world would anyone want a blue checkmark that tells the world “I pay for this website.” Who in the hell cares and/or wants to broadcast that?

And I get it, Elon’s trying to make some money. Get some cash flow back into a company that has had its fair share of struggles filling the piggy bank. But this master plan of his to take away everyone’s blue checks didn’t really accomplish what he had hoped.

I mean hell, LeBron James, the NBA’s all-time leading scorer and one of the highest-paid athletes in the history of spherical balls refuses to drop the $8/month on the service.

But that’s when the owner, Elon Musk decided to foot the bill for LeBron on this one.

Wow, good one, E. This is like a restaurant owner comping someone’s meal they didn’t even order. And then giggling to himself in the kitchen. I know this is Elon’s boring attempt to troll, but it also gives off vibes like he’s trying buddy up with LeBron. And why LeBron of all athletes? Why not at least foot the bill for athletes who still want that blue social merit badge.

This feels like Elon trying to buy some friends. This reminds me of a “friend” of mine in college who drove a BMW and always wore Vineyard Vines in the pre-SEC days of Mizzou. This is a guy whose parents footed the bill for everything, and he flaunted the hell out of it. He was kinda douchey and a bit of a dick at times, but we put up with him because he would always buy us Taco Bell every weekend. Why? We have no idea, but when you’re in college and someone offers to pay for your fast food tacos, you let them pay for your fast food tacos.

Elon Musk is the guy paying for everyone’s fast-food tacos. Only he’s not in college. He’s a grown-ass man, which only makes it sadder. Now look, this isn’t a political blog. I know Elon has become somewhat of a political lightning rod. If you hate him, you’re clearly on one side of the aisle, and if you love him, you’re on the other. This isn’t that at all. He just annoys the hell out of me because he has single-handedly destroyed my favorite social media platform. Was Twitter hemorrhaging money before he took over? Of course. Is it still hemorrhaging money since he’s taken over? Well, probably if we’re being honest. But his changes on the platform have made it inherently worse. That’s simply where the disdain for that dinkus comes from. Trust me, we care about Elon’s politics as much as we care about Randy Johnson – which is to say we don’t. However, Elon and Randy do have one thing in common: they both destroy birds.

The post LeBron Is Still Verified Because Elon Musk Is Paying For His Twitter Blue Subscription, Is Desperate For Friends appeared first on Korked Bats.

It’s been a huge week for telescopes. Dare I say it’s been the biggest week for telescopes. It’s all anyone has been talking about, aside from Zach Wilson new “Got Milf?” campaign.

NASA hit us with some new desktop wallpapers that are just mind-blowingly stunning and will leave you feeling like a pale blue dot. I don’t know if we’re alone in the universe, but it certainly feels like if you took that Fresh Prince meme of Will Smith standing in an empty room, but the made the room the size of an Amazon warehouse.

But with the rise of telescope talk, it’s brought up the age-old debate of which telescope is the GOAT (greatest of all telescopes).

Now a guy like Skip Bayless will probably vehemently argue that the Hubble is the GOAT (greatest of all telescopes), because of its longevity. For decades, Hubble was the one everyone in NASA turned to. He changed the game. They’ve made documentaries all about Hubble and it’s greatness. Sure, Hubble had a wealth of talent around him to get to where it’s at (which is millions of miles away),

But more modern telescope fans probably believe James Webb is the greatest. Is it recency bias? Maybe a little. But the J-Dub is just built differently than any other telescope we’ve seen in history. It can travel further than any other scope. It’s high def. Not to mention, it’s the best in an era where all technology around it is so much better. And speaking of technology, it’s lightyears ahead of where it was in Hubble’s day. However, naysayers will say it hasn’t produced nearly as much in its career as Hubble has. The images are only slightly more clear.

But the J-Dub stans will ask what did Hubble have to compete against in terms of technology? A few rotary phones, Victrolas, and radios? If you stuck Hubble’s photography in today’s game, it wouldn’t even compare. It would be cooked by today’s tech. Hell, iPhones provide better cameras in everyone’s pocket than Hubble has orbiting the earth. Not to mention, the Jimmy W. was groomed at a young age to ultimately be the greatest.

But then again, Hubble did more in an era where not as much tech was readily available and completely changed the ‘scope game. Jimmy Webb wouldn’t even be here today had it not been for the Hubbs.

Look, will we ever reach a conclusion to this debate? No. Of course not. The truth is not out there. But it’s an easy hypothetical for talk radio hosts to debate endlessly during the dog days of summer.

The post Embrace Debate: Hubble or James Webb Telescope – Who Is The GOAT? appeared first on Korked Bats.

What a weird weekend.

It started Thursday night around 6:30p when we innocently tweeted out a fun tweet about Dallas Mavericks head coach Jason Kidd’s oversized collar. Was his collar really that oversized? Yes. But we felt like we – with help from the entire damn internet, apparently – could make it even larger.

And we did.

And from there, it felt like EVERYONE jumped on board.

Freaking Shea Serrano (who this blog is BIG fans of) hit us with the retweet. The only thing that could’ve made this better was to actually hear him laugh at it, because he has one of the best laughs in sports media.

We also got a retweet from World Wide Wob and Jason Concepcion, which if you’re an NBA fan, you know is peak love right there.

Oh, and the very awesome Sarah Spain hit us with a retweet as well!

And then one of the coolest dudes to ever walk the face of the planet, Mr. Questlove himself. The fact that this big ass collar made him laugh?! Yeah, we’ll go ahead and pull a Calvin Johnson and retire early after that one.

Sike! We’re not going anywhere because that’s not even the end of the coolness. House of freaking Highlights shared our Twitter thread to their Instagram feed, which in and of itself was badass… but then we saw who commented on the post.

Michael B. Jordan… famed actor from iconic films such as Creed, and Creed 2, and the soon-to-be-released Creed 3, and of course Fantastic 4, which was anything but.

Cool, right? I mean, how can you top Hardball star Michael B. Jordan laughing at your content? That’s the pinnacle, is it not? Lol, you’re so naive. No, it can get better. And it did.

Ladies and gentlemen, LeBron James…

You might know him from his acting career. Ever heard of Space Jam: A New Legacy? Well, you might be surprised to know he also plays a little basketball. And he’s good at that too. And this might be the first time in history LeBron is better than Jordan.

This has to be a dumb pinch-me-moment to know that arguably the greatest athlete of our generation not only saw our content but laughing-crying-face emoji’d to it.

Also:

also, shout out this lil’ emoji who snuck in there pic.twitter.com/YxyJWLi1C0

— Austin Huff (@AustinHuff) October 10, 2021

Don’t want this full blog to be one giant circle jerk. But how could we not shout out some of the biggest names to give us love this weekend? All we want to say is how awesome the internet can be at times. Sure, we’re devisive. Sure, we can be nasty and cut-throat as we hide behind our keyboards. Sure, the internet can be an awful, awful place… most of the time. But every so often, an NBA head coach wears a wayyy too big collar and we all get to laugh about it. Shout out to all 187,000+ of you who liked the post and wanted to see that damn collar grow. Shout out to everyone who retweeted and not only joined in on the fun but helped spread the fun. Every so often the Internet can be fun and awesome and this was a prime example of that.

And to Jason Kidd… not sure he’ll ever see the fun we had at his expesne, but dammit dude, get a normal shirt! You look like a barber from the 1930’s. You’re dressed like the guy who cares wayyy too much about his bowling league. You look like the illegitimate child of Vin Diesel and Pitbull. (That last one has nothing to do with the shirt, just more so his overall look.)

We shared the full behind-the-scenes story of this dumb internet meme on the lasted Junk Drawer this week. Watch here:

UPDATE: We’ve had a few people join on to the photoshop for likes craze.

ANOTHER UPDATE: *sigh* We’ve had even MORE people join on to the photoshop for likes craze.

A THIRD UPDATE: The Internet WILL NOT STOP until every last account on social media attempts this trend. We’re sorry.

The post As It Turns Out, The Internet Really Loves A Good Oversized Collar appeared first on Korked Bats.

This movie was the epitome of trying too hard and just doing too much – with the writing, the jokes, and the plotline ideas. At some point, LeBron James needs to hire himself a “no” man to prevent things like this from happening.

If I took one thing away from this movie, it’s that it was one 2-hour long commercial for LeBron James’ brand. It was an infomercial for Striving For Greatness. The whole thing felt calculated. Mostly about how to become great. And the only parts that weren’t were reminding us about LeBron’s career – both on and off the court. I’m honestly surprised it wasn’t called LeSpace James: A New Legacy. (And if you think that joke was bad, just wait until you watch this movie.)

I decided to list the top eight things I found wrong with this movie.

8. The Dialogue

This screenplay was written like it was a template on how to write a screenplay. It was as if Clippy helped write this thing. Because every single line of dialogue was used to describe the plot as the plot was playing out. It was suffocating the number of times LeBron said something like, “I have to win this game,” or “I have to win this game to get my son back,” or even “I’m never going to get my son back if I don’t win this game.” Part of me was left wondering if LeBron had to win that game to get his son back.

At one point in the movie, LeBron’s wife called him over to the sideline and told him, “You have to win this game to get our son back.” And LeBron responded with, “Ok.” And that was it. He jogged back to the middle of the court and the game began.

On top of that, the only lines that didn’t further explain the plot felt like really lame graphic tee’s you could buy at Spencer’s Gifts.

Daffy Duck: “Well that happened.”

Al-G.: “What in the AARP is going on out here?”

Al-G.: “What? You mad bro?”

Al-G.: “There’s no crying in the serververse.”

LeBron: “What in the matrix hell?”

You think I’m exaggerating or maybe having selective memory? Just check the Space Jam: A New Legacy IMDB page. Here are some the TOP quotes from the movie:

See what I mean?

Side note: every time they referred to Don Cheadle’s character, Al-G Rhythm, they referred to him as Al-G Rhythm. Don’t you think at some point, after the character is already established, you could maybe refer to him as – oh, I dunno – just Al-G?

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7. Why Is Tweety Starting For The Tune Squad?

Of all the Looney Tunes, you decided to start a 6-inch canary who can’t pronounce their S’s? What the hell, Daffy Duck? That duck is easily LeBron’s worst head coach since David Blatt.

Why would you not start Foghorn Leghorn and that big red guy? Sure, they both look unathletic as hell, but I’d much rather take their size than an And1 ball-handler with Tweety bird size.

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6. This Game Featured The Dumbest Crowd of All-Time

Sure, it was cool to see all of the different movie references from Warner Brothers films planted out in the crowd, but these fans were dumber than Cowboys fans (sorry, LeBron), and that’s not just because the Tune Squad hasn’t won anything in over 25 years either. It’s because they would not stop cheering throughout the entire game. Even after Al-G Rhythm told them the stakes of the game. I mean, you’d think if some algorithm said you’d be stuck in a serververse forever if a certain team won a basketball game, you’d cheer pretty hard for the other team, right? Yeah, that wasn’t the case here. If Bugs Bunny scored, cheering. If the Anthony Davis Goon Squad character scored, cheering. It didn’t matter what happened in the game, the crowd was always cheering.

Al-G also upped the stakes and said the Looney Tunes would be deleted if they lost the game. First off, Al-G clearly has never been to a Six Flags or seen the yearbook photos of my 4th-grade class, because if he had, he’d know just how much of a merchandise cash cow the Tunes are.

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5. This Movie Featured Some Of The Oldest References

This movie felt like it was written by people in their 50’s who are still trying to relate with current pop-culture references.

Obviously, we knew we were going to be getting a lot of Game of Thrones and Harry Potter references, but if you think about it, even the most recent HP movie is a decade old.

Here are some of the things referenced in this movie:

• The Flintstones
• Yogi Bear
• Austin Powers
• Bobby Knight’s chair throw
• Gremlins
• MC Hammer
• The Jetsons
• Casa-freakin’-blanca
• The Matrix

Kenny covered this in his preview of Space Jam, and he nailed it. Matrix references in movies are – by far – one of the oldest and most used movie tropes out there. And it’s a reference that is now old enough to legally drink. Why on earth would we think kids would get this or find it funny? Hell, why do you think adults would find it funny?

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4. No Cameos

This could’ve been a good chance for LeBron to flex his celebrity muscle while also making good with fans of the original movie. Maybe a Michael Jordan or at very least a Bill Murray. Or… at very very least… they could’ve given my guy Jim Rome a cameo. People forget, but he had a role in the first one. But instead, all we got was a Michael B. Jordan cameo – which made for a pretty stale joke that I’m sure went over many kid’s heads. Cool to see MBJ show some self awareness and play into that joke from his end, but I was still wanting an MJ payoff at some point in the movie. But nope. I mean, this movie didn’t even have an actual cameo from Anthony Davis, Draymond Green, Damian Lillard, or any of the other players who made up the Goon Squad. More like LeBron Lames, amirite?!

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3. Don’t Sleep On That Soundtrack

No, I mean that literally.

Because it’s boring enough to put you to sleep. With the first movie’s soundtrack, it was essentially a 5th Jock Jams album with the number of bangers it produced. But this one? I don’t think I can name one. Maybe Lil Uzi Vert’s sampling of Pump Up The Jam (which is pretty dope)? But the rest are *shrug emoji*

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2. What Sport Were They Playing?

And don’t even try to tell me it was basketball. It was not basketball. It was some sport Dom James made up. I know LeBron stans will try and say coming down from a 1002 point defecit at halftime is impressive, but how do we know that? That could be a typical score in this game. It’s like NFL Blitz. If you trail by 30, that’s nothing. Because you know the computer is going to aid you to a comeback to make the game closer.

1. Not To Get Nitpicky, But…

This might be the definition of picking nits, but when Dom James hugged his dad on the court towards the end of the game, it should’ve been called a foul.

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Look, I’m sorry if I sound like a “hater” as LeBron referenced in the movie. But I’m sorry if I expected more out of this franchise. It’s not hard to make a culturally relevant movie that’s fun for both kids and adults alike. Pixar does it every 6 months. This movie could’ve been that.

Now look, I’m not going to wrap up this review without offering some praise for this movie. There was something I feel like they nailed: the fact that LeBron’s son joined forces with a team with way more talent than his own. I mean, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?

Also, was anyone else picking up on the strong sexual tension between LeBron and Lola?

The post 8 Things Wrong With ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ appeared first on Korked Bats.

The original ‘Space Jam’ is considered by most to be the ‘Citizen Kane’ of live-action/animation/sports/children’s comedies, and being that it is celebrating it’s 25-year anniversary this year, it also brings with it a wave of nostalgia and charm that may not have been present the years immediately following it’s release. Perfect time to cash in on a sequel, bay-bay!

With ‘A New Legacy’ scheduled to hit theaters in only a matter of days I’ve taken it upon myself to let you know whether or not it will be good. No, I have not seen it yet, but I fancy myself a true expert of determining what movies are good and what movies are trash prior to their release. I wouldn’t host the only podcast on the internet where four guys get together and talk about movies if I didn’t.

So without further a-do, here the Four Reasons why ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ will be straight-up STANKY trash.

1. LeBron James’ overall vibe is too cringey.

I think I need to preface before proceeding any further; I LOVE LeBron. Easily one of my favorite players of all time. In fact, my current Mt. Rushmore of basketball stars would probably consist of Him, MJ, Kobe, and Tony Gonzalez when he hooped at Cal (Go Chiefs). Now that’s my personal opinion and his status as GOAT could be up for debate. What isn’t up for debate is that the man is a verifiable Grade-A ‘Cringe-Boi’. Don’t believe me? Tell me how this picture makes you feel:

How about some weird workout/hype social-media posts?

Even his presence on the basketball court can make us squirm. As much as I love LeBron, sometimes when I watch him play I often find myself telling him through the TV to tone it down every time he tries to sell a flop or argue a call with a ref.

To be fair, LeBron has already done some acting and has also already played himself in a movie (he wasn’t half bad in it either!) You have to keep in mind though, the movie was ‘Trainwreck’ and Judd Apatow has a knack for getting good performances out of smaller roles.

It’s a pretty small sample size unless you can include flopping on your iMDB credits. Now we’re expecting him to CARRY an entire movie, playing his cringey-ass self, surrounding by a supporting cast that isn’t actually there. Not Great.

2. The jokes in the trailer aren’t that funny.

Again I will re-iterate, I have no idea what is actually in this movie, but if the trailers are any indication, these jokes are going to be ROUGH. There’s a lot of slap-stick where it probably doesn’t belong and a seemingly generous amount of cultural appropriation. Either the jokes don’t seem to land at all, they’re forced, or they’re simply just outdated.

Take the following clip for instance:

Did the filmmakers decide that adding a ‘Matrix’ parody into this film would be a solid move? The ‘Matrix’ is 22 years old! It’s such an outdated reference plus, it’s an R-rated movie–NO KID TODAY IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND THIS. Not to mention parodying ‘The Matrix’ is one of the most overused film tropes of all time–even if it hasn’t been widely utilized since like 2002.

In it’s defense, I could see how a callback like this could work IF there are a lot of other Warner Bros. film franchises parodied. Let’s see if WB is smart enough to do that and keep us all decently entertained.

3. The Looney Tunes aren’t relevant anymore.

When was the last time you saw anything even remotely related to Looney Tunes? 2003’s “Looney Tunes: Back in Action” is the most recent entry I could think of.

Even FILMGAWD Brendan Fraser couldn’t keep the franchise relevant in the years following its release.

It all begs the question, are kids today even going to know who/what the Looney Tunes are?

The studio probably should have made the pivot to franchises that are more in the zeitgeist. Instead of Lebron let’s get Russell Wilson to team up with Arthur, Daniel Tiger and the gang from Sesame Street. They’ll play a game of pick-up football against the Corporation for Public Broadcasting to secure federal funding for PBS. I can attest–kids these days still LOSE THEIR G*DD*MN MINDS for PBS Kids. Plus, it could be a great way to illustrate to them how slowly the wheels of bureaucracy turn. The head of the CPB can even be portrayed by the same alien from the original ‘Space Jam’–voiced by Danny DeVito. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

4. The original ‘Space Jam’ wasn’t a good movie.

Ok ok ok, before everyone @’s me, hear me out on this. ‘Space Jam’ came out when I was 7 years-old–I was the perfect age to ravenously consume everything this movie had to offer.

Michael Jordan acting? Yes please. Asinine juvenile humor? Yes please. Hyper-sexualized female rabbit? Mother may I?!?!

But the only thing that ties me back to ‘Space Jam’ now is nostalgia. If I was born 10 years earlier or 10 years later, I probably would’ve thought it was a piece of shit.

It’s fun to relive a time before we all grew up and our souls began to be crushed by the world–it’s fun feel like a kid again. So that’s what the original gives me; the kid in me has fun with it while the adult in me can respectfully recognize it as a piece of STANK-trash.

So those are my 4 Reasons as to why ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ will be trash. I’m still gonna go see it though; trashy movies are just as fun if not more fun than good movies in my opinion.

Let us know what you think when you see it too!

P.S. the only redeeming quality of the original is Bill Murray–if he’s not in the sequel, we riot.

The post 4 Reasons Why SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY Will Be Trash appeared first on Korked Bats.

I am back on the saddle this week. But this time without our 3rd amigo, Grit. Going to miss the hell out of our bearded friend Grit, but happy to see him take on a new opportunity. Luckily for Austin and myself, Chris Rongey (previously from 670 The Score – Chicago, 101 ESPN – St. Louis, Chicago White Sox pre and post game host) filled in for Grit instead of me this week.

We get into NHL on TNT, what is more cringey: Mr. Unlimited or LeBron’s Social Media game?, that UFC guy’s rubber band leg, Kyle Shanahan thinks we’re all going to die on Sunday, and more.

Plus, do you guys realize HOW EXPENSIVE GRASS SEED IS?!

DON’T FORGET! We go LIVE every Monday at 5pm EST/4pm CST. Tune in to watch us talk Junk and get in on the action!

LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE:

RUNDOWN:

3:22 – Sup To All The LIVE Commenters

3:58 – Quick Time Zone Discussion

7:57 – GOOD: Baker Mayfield Making History This Year

17:23 – BACK: LeBron James From His “Injury”

23:45 – What Is More Cringey? Mr. Unlimited Or LeBron’s Social Media

26:49 – UGLY: Rockies GM Quitting

33:33 – GOOD: Kyle Shanahan Doesn’t Know If We’ll Be Dead Sunday

38:19 – BACK: Bring Back The DH In The NL

43:18 – UGLY: The UFC Guy’s Broken Leg

47:24 – GOOD: NHL On TNT

51:55 – GOOD: Beer Shortage In British Pubs

57:07 – BACK: Lazy Sports Talk Radio Producers

1:02:50 – UGLY: Big Grass Seed

1:11:37 – FRANK FACT

The post The Junk Drawer: LeBron’s Cringey Social Media & Kyle Shanahan’s Nihilism appeared first on Korked Bats.

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That’s not a thing LeBron typically does. So naturally we made a wine joke with the caption. Because LeBron sure does love his wine, right? LOL! Right?!

Well, as it turns out, that caption may not have been a joke afterall.

At what point do we all agree to sit down LeBron and confront him on this wine problem he has? I mean, it’s already starting to affect his work. Remember when he tried to trademark Taco Tuesday like he invented? That was probably the wine talking. My man loves himself some wine. Remember those Gatorade commercials where guys sweat Gatorade?

If LeBron was in one of those, he’d sweat a fine Merlot or maybe a Cab.

My wife is one of those people who watches the The Real Housewives, so trust me, I know all about wine obsessions. And I’m confident LeBron’s obsession is even worse than hers. In fact, Bron’s an Amari Stoudemire wine bath away from really having me worried.

At what point do we confront LeBron? After slurred speech during a postgame presser? After a DUI? After he agrees to make Space Jam 3? Personally, I feel like we shouldn’t let it get to any of those points. We need say something now. When the greatest NBA player of all-time starts air balling free throws.

I mean we probably should’ve said something after he came walking into the game with a wine tumbler.

And look, I’m not saying we need to confront LeBron because I believe he has an alcohol addiction. I wouldn’t write a half-joking blog about that. Alcohol addictions are serious business and nothing to joke about. No, the reason I’m bringing this up is because I want LeBron to stop being a wine guy. It’s not that I hate wine. I love wine. But there’s a difference between loving wine and being a Wine Guy. A wine lover will pop open any bottle and drink it any time. A Wine Guy knows the year of every bottle in his house. A wine lover will sip the wine and enjoy it. A Wine Guy will tell you what notes he picks up with every sniff and sip. A wine lover will wear whatever he wants to drink wine. A Wine Guy has a special blazer he puts on when sipping wine. A wine lover will have guys over and maybe pop open a bottle while hanging out. A Wine Guy will have guys over solely to pop open a bottle.

A wine lover will maybe have a glass of wine with dinner. A Wine Guy will (not so subtlety) sneak his wine into work and let everyone know he’s sipping wine at work.

And finally, a wine lover makes all of his free throws. A Wine Guy airballs free throws and blames it on his wine.

A Wine Guy is right up there with Marathon Training Guy, Vegan Guy, CrossFit Guy, and Acoustic Guitar Guy. We all know who those guys are because they always make it abundantly clear they are those guys. So again, I feel like we should confront LeBron on this issue before he becomes any more of a Wine Guy than he already is.

The post LeBron Blames Missed Free Throw On Too Much Wine, Confirming He’s Too Much Of A Wine Guy appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Crown Weighs Heavy

Let’s start at the top. At the conclusion of last season, the Los Angeles Lakers were crowned champions for the first time in 10 years. I’m sure you’ve heard Cowboys fans bragging about it. I will say, it was only fitting that they finished on top this year to honor the life of Kobe. Now they ride into this season as overwhelming favorites to repeat, and no matter how good King James is, you know the pressure is immense. Especially with a team that is only satisfied with three-peats. Yes, they are the most talented team in the league, but Lebron is now 36, and father time has been known to strike quickly and unexpectedly.

James Harden Is Fat

In my favorite news of the offseason, the Rockets fired their coach, general manager, and traded away Russell Westbrook in an attempt to rebuild around James Harden. Keyword: a round James Harden. Unfortunately, Harden was not on board for this plan and demanded a trade. العاب بوكر للكبار The Rockets remain in talks with several teams, but a trade hasn’t happened which severely dismayed James. To show his displeasure, he stopped working out and drank at every strip club in H-Town. In the end, he showed up to the Rockets’ first preseason game 40 lbs overweight. Hilarious stuff that almost broke the internet. Will James Harden be traded? Probably a fat chance.

Russ in the Capital

Speaking of Westbrook, he is now playing for the Washington Wizards. It’ll be interesting to see how he meshes on the court with Bradley Beal, but I’m more intrigued with how Russ will be off the court. Russ is now the biggest star in DC, and you just know Trump will probably throw shade on his way out if he has a bad game or two. As the angriest player in the NBA, I don’t think he’ll shy away from jabbing back. Which would make for grade-A Internet drama. Bold prediction, the last public spat Trump has as president will be with the point guard for the Wizards, and I’m here for it with popcorn in hand.

New Coach, Who Dis?

After I wrote over a dozen articles on this site about how horrible a coach Brett Brown was, the 76ers finally fired him and installed Doc Rivers to take his place. After being the most disappointing team in the league this year it’ll be interesting to see how the Sixers respond to having an actual coach, instead a bumbling idiot who no one can understand due to his insane accent. Will the Sixers be the team to beat in the East? Will Simmons finally develop a jumper? Will they trade for fat James Harden? Who knows, but anything that will get my mind off of the state of the Eagles is a welcome distraction.

Battle of the GOATs

Now, when I say the GOATS I’m obviously talking about Michael Jordan and Lavar Ball. Ball, who famously told Stephen A. Smith that he would take Jordan in a game of 1-on-1 and then saw his youngest son Lamelo get drafted 3rd overall by the Charlotte Hornets, who just happen to be owned by Michael Jordan. If the season doesn’t start, well I imagine Papa Ball going to the media to talk about how he’d be a better owner than Jordan. This would set off the most interesting thing to happen in North Carolina since the Wright Brothers took flight!

Is it Kyrie or Cryrie?

In “why are you still talking?” news, Kyrie Irving has announced that he will not be talking to the media this year. After being fined $25k for not talking to the media because it’s literally a part of his job, Kyrie doubled down stating in a post that he does not waste his time talking to pawns. Uhmmm… Ok bro. I don’t know who hurt you, but seriously reporters are just trying to do their jobs. No one’s out to get you. Even so, if you really don’t want to talk to the media just look to Marshawn Lynch for inspiration and answer every question, “I’m just here so I won’t be fined.” No reason to be so uppity about it.

Are the Jazz in Harmony?

Do you remember where you were the evening of March 11th, 2020? I do, I was at the World Cafe Live with my girlfriend and a few friends watching some live music. All of a sudden, my phone started blowing up. In a matter of 15 minutes, Rudy Gobert had successfully suspended the NBA season by coughing all over a press conference, and then testing positive for COVID-19. He then spread the virus to Donovan Mitchell which caused beef. Apparently that beef is now squashed, but I’m not convinced. People don’t just forgive people for giving them covid. And/or coughing on them. Look for trouble in Utah.

And Obviously… Corona

The NBA did a great job finishing their season in the Disney bubble. Now we’ll see if they can pull it off in the real world. The limited number of players on each team makes it really difficult to push through games if outbreaks arise, and it’ll be interesting to see what contingency plans the NBA has in place just in case they have to cancel a few games. Obviously I’d like to see a smooth season with no problems, but I wouldn’t put my money on it. سباق خيل

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There you have it, the top storylines for what promises to be another riveting season of NBA basketball. These types of posts aren’t complete without a bold championship prediction so I’ll leave you with this.

The Philadelphia 76ers will beat the Los Angeles Clippers in 6 games to win the title. #TTP.

The post THE NBA IS BACK! Here’s A Helpful Guide To The Most Important Storylines appeared first on Korked Bats.

Ugh. I’m a Dodgers fan and even I’m annoyed. So I guess LeBron is all in on the Dodgers now? Great. Add them to the list of teams he supports.

Look, LeBron isn’t the first celebrity to move to L.A. and adopt the Dodgers. And he sure as hell won’t be the last. But it’s not just a Dodgers thing with him. In fact, LeBron is the worst kind of sports fan. The person who moves to a new town and automatically adopts the team in their new city. BUT – and this is an important distinction – only if that team is good.

LeBron’s sports fandom has wavered so much, so there’s plenty of evidence to back our claim. If you remember, early in LeBron’s first stint with the Cavs, he famously wore his Yankee lid to a 2007 Yankees-Indians postseason game in Cleveland.

This obviously didn’t sit well with Cleveland. But as a sports fan, you have to respect it. Not the fact that he grew up rooting for the Yankees in arguably one of the easiest eras to root for the Yankees, especially when he grew up a Chuck Knoblauch throw away from Cleveland. No, you have to respect that he didn’t waver on his childhood team to cow-tail to the home crowd. He took flack for doing what he did, but you have to respect that he stayed true to his (already really good) team.

However, the Indians ended up winning that series, and in the ALCS, LeBron was in a produced video by the Cavs wishing the Indians luck. Still not the worst thing in the world. You could chalk this up as good sportsmanship rather than bandwagoning. So let’s move on.

Then came 2016, when the Indians were in the American League Championship Series, and wouldn’t ya know it… who was right there in a box to watch the team decked out in Tribe gear?

Now, you may be thinking, “So what? The guy likes to pull for the other teams in the city he’s currently playing in.” Yeah, you’d think that, wouldn’t you? Except what about when he spent five years with the Miami Heat? Did you notice he didn’t really adopt the Marlins at all?

Oh yeah, that’s probably why.

But now the guy has been in Los Angeles for like two seconds and he’s already live tweeting Dodgers postseason games. I’m sorry, LeBron. But you’re the WORST kind of fan. And it’s not just with baseball.

Sure, he’s a Yankees fan, but he’s also a Cowboys fan.

And he’s a Kentucky fan as well.

And wouldn’t ya know it, now he’s a Lakers fans too.

Shawwwwwwwker. He literally just hit for the douchey sports fan cycle right there. I mean, LeBron is the exact kind of sports fan we all joke about.

But let’s be real, we all know someone like this. Maybe they grew up a Twins fan, but when a job relocated them to Chicago, they adopted the Cubs… during their 2016 run to the World Series. Or maybe they moved from St. Louis to Washington D.C. and were all in on the Capitals during their Cup run in 2018, until 2019 when they remembered they were from St. Louis and became all in on the Blues for their Cup run. And I can’t even imagine the number of Instagram influencers who recently migrated to Nashville and are hopping on the Titans bandwagon now that they’re undefeated. The point here is no matter these people’s geographical location… they suck.

They’re not even bandwagon fans. Bandwagons move slow, and you normally stay on them until you get where you need to go. These are Frequent Flyer Fans. Because they jet set from team to team. Racking up milage and championships as they go.

And LeBron is just that. A frequent flyer fan. He spends as much time with each team as he does with each book.

He never gets past the first few pages.

Now look, LeBron, I know you never went to college, LeBron, but let me teach you something real quick: The word fan is short for fanatic. And you can’t be fanatic about a team if you’re changing every other year. So pick a team, and stick with them. If you picked the Cowboys after their mid-90s run, that’s now your cross to bear for life. You chose the Yankees? Congrats, you now have to watch Aaron Judge bump his head trying to rob home runs.

Side note: How does LeBron have 47.9 million Twitter followers? That question was redundant, because obviously I know. He very well could go down as the second greatest – if not greatest – NBA player in history. He’s one of the biggest and baddest athletes on the planet right now. I know why people follow him. But honestly, he kinda sucks on Twitter.

The post LeBron James Is The Worst Kind Of Sports Fan appeared first on Korked Bats.