During last night’s Christmas day games, LeBron did the following.
That’s not a thing LeBron typically does. So naturally we made a wine joke with the caption. Because LeBron sure does love his wine, right? LOL! Right?!
Well, as it turns out, that caption may not have been a joke afterall.
At what point do we all agree to sit down LeBron and confront him on this wine problem he has? I mean, it’s already starting to affect his work. Remember when he tried to trademark Taco Tuesday like he invented? That was probably the wine talking. My man loves himself some wine. Remember those Gatorade commercials where guys sweat Gatorade?
If LeBron was in one of those, he’d sweat a fine Merlot or maybe a Cab.
My wife is one of those people who watches the The Real Housewives, so trust me, I know all about wine obsessions. And I’m confident LeBron’s obsession is even worse than hers. In fact, Bron’s an Amari Stoudemire wine bath away from really having me worried.
At what point do we confront LeBron? After slurred speech during a postgame presser? After a DUI? After he agrees to make Space Jam 3? Personally, I feel like we shouldn’t let it get to any of those points. We need say something now. When the greatest NBA player of all-time starts air balling free throws.
I mean we probably should’ve said something after he came walking into the game with a wine tumbler.
And look, I’m not saying we need to confront LeBron because I believe he has an alcohol addiction. I wouldn’t write a half-joking blog about that. Alcohol addictions are serious business and nothing to joke about. No, the reason I’m bringing this up is because I want LeBron to stop being a wine guy. It’s not that I hate wine. I love wine. But there’s a difference between loving wine and being a Wine Guy. A wine lover will pop open any bottle and drink it any time. A Wine Guy knows the year of every bottle in his house. A wine lover will sip the wine and enjoy it. A Wine Guy will tell you what notes he picks up with every sniff and sip. A wine lover will wear whatever he wants to drink wine. A Wine Guy has a special blazer he puts on when sipping wine. A wine lover will have guys over and maybe pop open a bottle while hanging out. A Wine Guy will have guys over solely to pop open a bottle.
A wine lover will maybe have a glass of wine with dinner. A Wine Guy will (not so subtlety) sneak his wine into work and let everyone know he’s sipping wine at work.
And finally, a wine lover makes all of his free throws. A Wine Guy airballs free throws and blames it on his wine.
A Wine Guy is right up there with Marathon Training Guy, Vegan Guy, CrossFit Guy, and Acoustic Guitar Guy. We all know who those guys are because they always make it abundantly clear they are those guys. So again, I feel like we should confront LeBron on this issue before he becomes any more of a Wine Guy than he already is.