4 Reasons Why SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY Will Be Trash
It isn’t everyday a decades-old film franchise gets resurrected for a completely new generation of movie-goers. On second thought, that pretty much does happen everyday. Regardless–this year Warner Bros. has decided to go all-out on some of their 90’s film staples and bring back the likes of ‘Mortal Kombat’ and ‘Space Jam’. Unless you’re like me and have soft spot for the ludicrous violent/gore-fest that is ‘Mortal Kombat’, you’re only really excited for ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’.
The original ‘Space Jam’ is considered by most to be the ‘Citizen Kane’ of live-action/animation/sports/children’s comedies, and being that it is celebrating it’s 25-year anniversary this year, it also brings with it a wave of nostalgia and charm that may not have been present the years immediately following it’s release. Perfect time to cash in on a sequel, bay-bay!
With ‘A New Legacy’ scheduled to hit theaters in only a matter of days I’ve taken it upon myself to let you know whether or not it will be good. No, I have not seen it yet, but I fancy myself a true expert of determining what movies are good and what movies are trash prior to their release. I wouldn’t host the only podcast on the internet where four guys get together and talk about movies if I didn’t.
So without further a-do, here the Four Reasons why ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ will be straight-up STANKY trash.
1. LeBron James’ overall vibe is too cringey.
I think I need to preface before proceeding any further; I LOVE LeBron. Easily one of my favorite players of all time. In fact, my current Mt. Rushmore of basketball stars would probably consist of Him, MJ, Kobe, and Tony Gonzalez when he hooped at Cal (Go Chiefs). Now that’s my personal opinion and his status as GOAT could be up for debate. What isn’t up for debate is that the man is a verifiable Grade-A ‘Cringe-Boi’. Don’t believe me? Tell me how this picture makes you feel:
How about some weird workout/hype social-media posts?
Even his presence on the basketball court can make us squirm. As much as I love LeBron, sometimes when I watch him play I often find myself telling him through the TV to tone it down every time he tries to sell a flop or argue a call with a ref.
To be fair, LeBron has already done some acting and has also already played himself in a movie (he wasn’t half bad in it either!) You have to keep in mind though, the movie was ‘Trainwreck’ and Judd Apatow has a knack for getting good performances out of smaller roles.
It’s a pretty small sample size unless you can include flopping on your iMDB credits. Now we’re expecting him to CARRY an entire movie, playing his cringey-ass self, surrounding by a supporting cast that isn’t actually there. Not Great.
2. The jokes in the trailer aren’t that funny.
Again I will re-iterate, I have no idea what is actually in this movie, but if the trailers are any indication, these jokes are going to be ROUGH. There’s a lot of slap-stick where it probably doesn’t belong and a seemingly generous amount of cultural appropriation. Either the jokes don’t seem to land at all, they’re forced, or they’re simply just outdated.
Take the following clip for instance:
Did the filmmakers decide that adding a ‘Matrix’ parody into this film would be a solid move? The ‘Matrix’ is 22 years old! It’s such an outdated reference plus, it’s an R-rated movie–NO KID TODAY IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND THIS. Not to mention parodying ‘The Matrix’ is one of the most overused film tropes of all time–even if it hasn’t been widely utilized since like 2002.
In it’s defense, I could see how a callback like this could work IF there are a lot of other Warner Bros. film franchises parodied. Let’s see if WB is smart enough to do that and keep us all decently entertained.
3. The Looney Tunes aren’t relevant anymore.
When was the last time you saw anything even remotely related to Looney Tunes? 2003’s “Looney Tunes: Back in Action” is the most recent entry I could think of.
Even FILMGAWD Brendan Fraser couldn’t keep the franchise relevant in the years following its release.
It all begs the question, are kids today even going to know who/what the Looney Tunes are?
The studio probably should have made the pivot to franchises that are more in the zeitgeist. Instead of Lebron let’s get Russell Wilson to team up with Arthur, Daniel Tiger and the gang from Sesame Street. They’ll play a game of pick-up football against the Corporation for Public Broadcasting to secure federal funding for PBS. I can attest–kids these days still LOSE THEIR G*DD*MN MINDS for PBS Kids. Plus, it could be a great way to illustrate to them how slowly the wheels of bureaucracy turn. The head of the CPB can even be portrayed by the same alien from the original ‘Space Jam’–voiced by Danny DeVito. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
4. The original ‘Space Jam’ wasn’t a good movie.
Ok ok ok, before everyone @’s me, hear me out on this. ‘Space Jam’ came out when I was 7 years-old–I was the perfect age to ravenously consume everything this movie had to offer.
Michael Jordan acting? Yes please. Asinine juvenile humor? Yes please. Hyper-sexualized female rabbit? Mother may I?!?!
But the only thing that ties me back to ‘Space Jam’ now is nostalgia. If I was born 10 years earlier or 10 years later, I probably would’ve thought it was a piece of shit.
It’s fun to relive a time before we all grew up and our souls began to be crushed by the world–it’s fun feel like a kid again. So that’s what the original gives me; the kid in me has fun with it while the adult in me can respectfully recognize it as a piece of STANK-trash.
So those are my 4 Reasons as to why ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ will be trash. I’m still gonna go see it though; trashy movies are just as fun if not more fun than good movies in my opinion.
Let us know what you think when you see it too!
P.S. the only redeeming quality of the original is Bill Murray–if he’s not in the sequel, we riot.
