Ranking All 32 NFL Draft War Rooms
10. David Caldwell (Jaguars)
That’s funny. I thought all movie theaters were supposed TO BE CLOSED DURING THIS GLOBAL PANDEMIC! Guess the Caldwell family thinks their at-home movie theater can skate above the law. Also, this has no bearing on their ranking, but what kind of at home theaters has floor-to-ceiling windows in it?! That just seems stupid. Sure, those curtains close, but light can still leak in. When you’re in a movie, the only light you want in that room is coming from the screen, the little flashlights the ushers use, and maybe the lightly dimmed lights on the walls too. Why not just build your movie theater outside?
As for the setup itself, it’s alright I guess. The three Microsoft Surfaces are a great way to suck up to the league offices, but not a great way to conduct business. Get at least one laptop and/or desktop computer in there, Jaguars.
I also find it funny how you can’t find a single Jaguars logo in this pic. Even the GM of the Jaguars doesn’t want to be recognized as part of the Jaguars.
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9. Tom Telesco (Chargers)
This setup looks exactly like he wanted to set up in one of the empty bedrooms they had in the house, but his wife was like, “All other rooms are closed, the Moose out front shoulda’ told ya.”
Although this house looks supes nice, this setup is not. A lot of laptops, only one monitor (two if you count the one with CNN on it – which why is a GM not watching NFL Network right before the Draft? Sure, there’s a global pandemic going on, but the Chargers have been an epidemic as of late, that should be more important to their GM). It’s messy, it’s unorganized, it’s scattered, and honestly, it explains a lot about the Chargers as an organization. All I want to know is where do rich people buy their ping-pong tables from? Restoration Hardware?!
Also, why is there a Moose? I don’t know. But that stuffed moose is the only person you’ll see wearing Chargers gear in Los Angeles.
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8. Brandon Beane (Bills)
Wow. Like literally wow. The Bills are ready fro an NFL Draft and/or a Tom Clancy’s Rainbow 6 lan party.
I’m actually impressed with this set up. Brandon Beane is the guy who shows up to his fantasy football draft with a laptop, a tablet, three fantasy football magazine, a binder with this year’s notes and last year’s results, and a printer (for some reason?). Nothing about this war room says cozy, but everything about it says functional. The Bills are here to work. And good on them. When you make the playoffs in 2 of 3 seasons after not making them for two decades, that crap gets contagious.
If the Bills don’t make it to the next four Super Bowls and lose, it won’t be because of their NFL Draft preparation. Well done.
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7. John Schneider (Seahawks)
This is like the Bills, only nicer. They’ve got their multi-screen setup. They’ve got their literal big board. But they’ve got a good boy to go with it all. And that is a very good boy. Would pet. 13/10.
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6. Howie Roseman (Eagles)
Honestly couldn’t tell you if Howie Roseman is ready for the NFL Draft or to direct his own public access TV show. He’s go everything set up there in his own home, and very well branded with Eagles decorum. Probably could’ve tidied up the loose leaf papers everywhere, but now I just sound like my mom, so I’ll shut up.
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5. John Lynch (49ers)
This is a pretty sweet setup, I must admit. But it does lose points for having three different landlines. Come on, John. It’s 2020. You don’t need to waste that much desk space with three different phones. But bonus for the seven screens. Your office is looking like a Buffalo Wild Wings, which I can dig.
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4. Jon Robinson (Titans)
We’re going with general manager Jon Robinson’s setup here. Our breakdown of that circus Mike Vrabel called a war room got its entire own post. You can check that out here.
This is like John Lynch’s setup, but better. Two curved widescreen monitors, a couple of laptops, and an iPad – which isn’t the official table sponsor of the NFL (shhh, don’t tell that narc Rovell). Also, bonus points for matching backgrounds on the right and left screens.
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3. Ryan Pace (Bears)
No chance the Bears are passing up this year’s Patrick Mahomes for this year’sMitch Trubisky. Not with this set up. That’s four monitors. Three laptops. Two tablets. And a disco ball looking chandelier.
The Bears are here to party.
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2. Jerry Jones (Cowboys)
If it looks like Jerry Jones is sitting in the stern of a ship, it’s because he is. He conducted the draft on his yacht (which makes sense that he owns a yacht considering the luxurious oceanside in Dallas). Also, if it looks like the boat he is on is sunk, well, given the current state of the Cowboys, it probably is.
Also, Jerry’s yacht comes fully equipped with someone to hold the phone for him, and of course that someone is female.
I honestly can’t decide if this would make for the most entertaining or most boring episode of Below Deck ever, but I know this. It would be one or the other.
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1. Kliff Kingsbury (Cardinals)
My gosh.
Remember above with the Falcons how I said never has a war room fit a head coach more? I lied. Kliff Kingsbury apparently lives in the Parasite house. Might want to check underneath that coffee table, Kliff. Just trust me.
If winning 5 games in a season gets you this kind of pad, sign me up. Hell, I’d even try to win 6. I mean, look at this place. Does Kliff Kingsbury have a side hustle working at Axe Capital? Does he sell cocaine? Is his dad Logan Roy? I mean, how the hell did he get a house that looks nicer than Apple Headquarters? Nevermind the sliding glass doors. Nevermind the fake grass that you never have to mow. Nevermind the fireplace (both indoor and outdoor). Just give me that damn sectional. All I can think about is the kind of naps I could take on that thing.
And the biggest flex of this entire photo isn’t the three cell phones. It’s not the white couches (that I would somehow spill something on before they even arrived to my house). It’s not even the fact that he’s got his feet up on the coffee table. It’s the fact that he has his outdoor firepit turned on, in the daylight, with no one out there. You know how much gas that’s wasting?
Ugh. Why do guys with insanely great abs who look like Ryan Gosling get houses that nice? Life just isn’t fair. Also, I may be a little bitter towards this house consideing my wife hasn’t looked at me the same way since she saw this picture.
And now the SportsCenter Snapchat guy is trying to get with my wife.
LAY OFF, SPORTSCENTER SNAPCHAT GUY!!
All this to say, maybe I don’t like getting a glimpse into head coach’s and GM’s houses, because this picture has single-handedly destroyed my life.
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