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Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Ranking All 32 NFL Draft War Rooms

The first ever NFL Draft from home went down this weekend. And although we didn’t get to see any draft picks fall off the floating stage in the middle of the Bellagio pool in Vegas, we did get an inside glimpse as to how these coaches and GM’s live. Some were disappointing. Some were on brand. And some were just straight up lavish. Here is our ranking of them all.

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32. Dave Gettleman (Giants)

Dave Gettleman has been notorious and out spoken about being a non-computer guy. Thus the Cheesecake Factory Menu-sized notebook in front of him. Dave, that’s the whole point of computers, so you don’t have to lug around Harry Potter novels with you everywhere you go. When Dave is in a group and a question comes up that nobody knows the answer to, while everyone else pulls out their phone to Google it, Dave excuses himself to find the proper Encyclopedia off the bookshelf.

Also, I appreciate the fact that he has hand sanitizer close by, but why does he need a bottle of lotion that big? Actually, don’t answer that, Dave.

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31. Jon Gruden (Raiders)

Did Jon just choose to host his draft on the set of his old Gruden’s QB Camp show? Because it looks like it. And in case you were on the fence about whether or not Gruden is a complete moron (especially after trading Khalil Mack, Amari Cooper, and signing Antonio Brown), then that giant draft big board which is faced directly at the draft room camera should help you decide that he’s an idiot.

I will say that it was cool of Jon Gruden to invite his teenage self to stand and watch the Draft with him. Surprised they had room for anyone else in there considering how big that dude’s calfs are.

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30. Kevin Stefanski and Andrew Berry (Browns)

Yup, pretty on brand here.

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29. Bob Quinn (Lions)

The Lions set up a back-up war room in an RV. I know this isn’t Bob Quinn’s main setup, but I thought it was too funny not to share. Plus, I’m sharing it is because I also think it’s funny that they used a Winnebego instead of a Ford RV. Just a subtle (and maybe unintentional) bleep you to the franchise’s owner.

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28. Mike Tomlin (Steelers)

Honestly, Mike Tomlin would probably be much much higher in these rankings, but the Steelers failed to produce any images of their setups (at least any we could find). We had to pull this screenshot from a video. It’s a shame too, because that office looks dope.

Cool chair, though.

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27. Bill Belichick (Patriots)

This is the cutoff hoodie and shorts of NFL Draft war rooms. Dude literally just posted up at the kitchen table. Then again, can’t really knock Bill’s setup. He’s got one chair for him. One chair for his dog.

And then one chair for each of his six Patriots Super Bowl rings.

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26. Zac Taylor (Bengals)

It was nice of the Courtyard by Marriott to allow the Bengals to conduct their draft from one of their conference rooms. Actually, this may just be the concierge desk at the Courtyard.

If it looks familiar, that’s because…

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25. Matt LaFleur & Brian Gutekunst (Packers)

It worries me that you can’t see much of the Packers setup at all. It almost feels like Matt LaFleur is just kinda winging it without any computers. Which may lead to the explanation why they went with a quarterback in the first round despite being a game away from the Super Bowl last year.

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24. Dan Quinn (Falcons)

Never has a war room fit a head coach more.

This looks less like an NFL Draft war room and more like the “video game room” amenity of a college apartment complex. Maybe even an apartment gym. Let me guess, there are two treadmills and Bowflex right behind this desk. And is that even a desk or is that just a piece of wood rest on top of two filing cabinets?

But hey, at least they have that ring light so they can take wicked nice selfies for the ‘Gram.

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23. Bill O’Brien (Texans)

Here’s a shot of Bill O’Brien on the phone with Microsoft I.T. asking them if they know how to make add a new column in Excel and/or general manage an NFL team, because he’s struggling with both.

Also, that kid on the right isn’t Bill O’Briens son. He’s just some kid they got in return from the Cardinals in the Deandre Hopkins trade.

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22. Bruce Arians (Buccaneers)

Best comment I saw about Bruce Arians’ set up is that he looks like the host of a Buccaneers podcast that has 137 people listen every week.

Bruce was completely fine setting up shop on a card table in his kitchen, but I guarantee you his wife was like, “No, Bruce. We need to make it look nice!” So she threw the tablecloth and Bucs helmet on there.

Also, be careful with those easily accessible sliding glass doors, Bruce. Tom Brady may try and break into your house.

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21. Andy Reid (Chiefs)

While it’s far from the best, I absolutely love Andy Reid’s setup. One laptop? Check. One screen to watch film? Check. A pack of gum? Check. Purell close by? Check. Comfy chair because Papa Andy ain’t getting up for three-straight days? CHECK!

Plus, you can’t see it in this shot here, but Andy Reid has some sort of NordicTrack behind him that I’m sure he hasn’t used since before he drafted Donovan McNabb.

Also, bonus points for Andy Reid’s Hawaiian shirt, glass of barbecue sauce, and NFL Draft playlist.

Click the right arrow to see picks 11-20…

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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