There were many great performances this year, but since this is a sports blog, I thought it best to take a trip down memory lane to some of the best performances in sports history. The fakers, criers and acting athletes who kept us captivated (or laughing) for days to come.

Deon Grant and Jacquian Williams – New York Giants

Paul Pierce – Boston Celtics

Most Soccer Players – Earth

LeBron James – Cleveland Cavaliers – Miami Heat

Not faking an injury, just faking remorse.

This post was created by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

 Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

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This post was created by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

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The second segment in our sure-to-be-beaten-into-the-ground on-going segment “LeBron James’ Lifelong Search for Friendship,” comes to us courtesy of Rachel Nichols and ESPN.

LeBron recently sat down with Nichols and discussed his role as the NBA’s villain, a role he is ready to abandon. Being the bad guy means less friends, which means more LeBron tears.

“I got to this point by playing this game a certain way, (I’m) getting back to loving the game and having fun with the game,” LeBron said. Welp that wraps it up, I’m done hating LeBron for stabbing millions of fans in the back. Now that he is just a regular guy, I am all about the Heat this season. I was under the impression that dangling your return to your hometown team (in a city that was struggling to get by) just to pull the rug out from under them and flee to South Beach was a jerk move. But LeBron is a fun guy, so I must have been wrong.

Yet another PR move by team LeBron to gain public sympathy for a man who is a millionaire for throwing a ball near iron sometimes.

“I’m not here to ask for any sympathy or ask for any apologies, just letting people know what I am, and who I am,” James said. “Win, lose, or draw, I’m playing because I’m grateful that I’m a kid from Akron, Ohio, that made it to the NBA, that made his dream come a reality. That’s what I’m happy about, so I can’t take it for granted.”

Akron? Oh, ok. I had forgotten where he was from. But not as quickly as he did.

• • •

This post was writter by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

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Ever since “The Decision,” LeBron James has been quite lonely near the top. Everyone in Miami is happy to have him, but they still worship Dwayne Wade as their true savior and leader, while everyone back in LeBron’s home state of Ohio now hates him as a traitor, Benedict Arnold-ing his way down to South Beach. It has become quite apparent that LeBron, still a young man, is hurt, and he has done everything to try and make friends. bet365 sports He’s the Richie Rich of the NBA: to us it appears he has it all, but actually he just has a lonely roller coaster in his backyard and a silly driver named Cadbury. كيفية لعبة روليت

LeBron’s search for friendship has most likely been going on his entire life. While he has been insurmountably popular, that does not translate to well-liked. بيت 365 Isolated due to his talent, LeBron just wants the love an affection of all of us, but he has absolutely no idea how to get it.

Here’s today’s example:

During a charity flag football game in his home of Akron, Ohio (just the fact that he is having a flag football game in his hometown reeks of “love and forgive me, everyone I stabbed in the face”), LeBron scored a touchdown (not a surprise) and proceeded to mimic Stevie Johnson’s weekend antics, the “Plaxico Burress Handgun Shuffle.”

So at this point LeBron thinks everyone will laugh and hug him and forget he made them all cry last year. But in reality, LeBron is making a handgun joke that he is three degrees removed from. LeBron ==> Football in General ==> Stevie Johnson ==> Plaxico Burress. Check the video:

And personally, I think the worst thing you can do in front of a bunch of people who want to kill you, is remind them of how they would do it by gesturing a handgun.

• • •

This post was writter by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

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“We are certain that this increase in advertisements will continue our obvious mission of bringing you the best in sports coverage, hidden deep within the depths of cheesy Nike advertisements and our overwhelming need to make money at the expense of our fans.”

Here is a snapshot of what ESPN.com looked like before the ad increase:

And here is ESPN.com after the approved ad increase:

When prompted about the large FOX Sports advertisement in the center of the page, Harkins replied:

“We feel as though a lot of our readers may be interested in more than just ads, and FOX Sports offers a gracious amount of sports coverage for those interested.”

When asked if the increase in ads would lead to a decrease in Tim Tebow banter, Harkins laughed so hard he peed himself and fell out of his chair, shaking his head no.

• • •

This post was writter by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our sports related jokes on Twitter: @korkedbats

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Kevin: Philadelphia Eagles 27 • Buffalo Bills 23

People started buying the Bills as a legit team and then of course they lose to the Bengals. Does anyone really believe the Eagles are going to be 1-4 at the end of this week?

Kyle: Eagles 31 – Bills 20: Eagles get back on track.

—

Kevin: Cincinnati Bengals 18 • Jacksonville Jaguars 13

Jacksonville’s immense fear of the gingers provides the Bengals with enough confidence to overcome being a bad team. Also, the Jaguars are an even worse team than the Bengals.

Kyle: Bengals 14 – Jaguars 20

—

Kevin: Tennessee Titans 17 • Pittsburgh Steelers 21

I’ve found that it’s normally beneficial to me when I bet against my favorite team to win the game. So… THERE’S NO WAY THE STEELERS LOSE THIS GAME!

Kyle: Titans 20 – Steelers 24

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Kevin: Kansas City Chiefs 12 • Indianapolis Colts 15

I told you this was going to be the only week I picked the Colts. The Chiefs blew it by picking up that win last week against the Vikings by the way.

Kyle: Chiefs 24 – Colts 13: We’re 2-3 baby!

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Kevin: Oakland Raiders 28 • Houston Texans 23

The Raiders get back above .500, which is still not enough to bring Al Davis back to life.

NOTE: Kevin wrote these picks two days BEFORE Al Davis died. Proof that he is psychic and I am doomed. HE PREDICTED A DEATH. BEWARE OF KEVIN.

Kyle: Raiders 20 – Texans 23: The Raiders pay tribute to Al Davis by doing what they did most of the last years of his life. Losing.

—

Kevin: Arizona Cardinals 16 • Minnesota Vikings 21

Joe Theismann criticized Donovan McNabb this week. Naturally I want anything Theismann says to be thrown right back at his face because, well… he’s Joe Theismann.

Kyle: Cardinals 20 – Vikings 24

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Kevin: New Orleans Saints 31 • Carolina Panthers 21

I guess I have to admit that Cam Newton is actually pretty good (reverse jinx alert).

Kyle: Saints 34 – Panthers 20

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Kevin: Seattle Seahawks 0 • New York Giants 35

Let’s look at the facts here. Seattle is traveling across the country to play a 1:00 ET game in New York. It’s an away game for Seattle, which automatically makes them a worse team than they actually are by about 40-50 times (and they are initially horrible). Even Eli Manning can’t screw this up can he?

Kyle: Seahawks 10 – Giants 25

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Kevin: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24 • San Francisco 49ers 13

The 49ers cannot keep winning with Alex Smith at quarterback. I refuse to believe it. I won’t. I will NOT do it.

Kyle: Bucs 30 – 49ers 20

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Kevin: San Diego Chargers 34 • Tim Tebow 6 long chants from the crowd to put him in.

It doesn’t matter what I think Denver will score. It only matters if Tebow plays (according to ESPN). By the way, this prediction means the Chargers will win if that wasn’t clear.

Kyle: Chargers 40 – Broncos 14: The Broncos are worse than the Chiefs.

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Kevin: New York Jets 17 • New England Patriots: Whatever Rex Ryan’s weight is in points.

Rex Ryan is fat. Hence he weighs a lot. Therefore the Patriots will score a lot of points.

Kyle: Jets 24 – Pats 30: Ryan always plays the Pats close to the belt. Food jokes.

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Kevin: Green Bay Packers 35 • Atlanta Falcons 31

So Brett Favre was in the news this week (sigh).

Kyle: Packers 24 – Falcons 32

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Kevin: Chicago Bears 27 • Detroit Lions 30

Eventually the Lions will lose, but I can’t pick it this week because Mike Martz is involved with the team playing against them.

Kyle: Bears 31 – Lions 34

Overall Score:

Kevin 33-15 : Kyle 24-23

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Multiple reports coming out of the Goodell household say that on top of being fined $750, Allison will be suspended from watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for up to eight weeks, which is actually a good thing.

Allison has released a statement through her agent, Drew Rosenhaus:

“This is seriously so freaking stupid. I mean double-you tee-eff dad? I thought you were the cool parent. Oh-Em-Eff-Gee this is ridick.”

Her statement, which was written in the back seat of her own personal limousine, continued:

“At least I still have my iPhones. But my life is SO UNFAIR I can’t stand it. I’m going to totally make out with James Harrison.”

Rosenhaus, who is notoriously a huge ass, says they will appeal both the fine and suspension, calling them “stupid, petty” and “really not that big of a deal in the big picture of things, since I will still be rich either way.”

This isn’t the first time Goodell has fined one of his own family members. Back in 2009 he fined his wife, former FOX News Channel anchor Jane Skinner, $1,300 for “hitting the hay early” one night when Goodell was feeling frisky. He also fined his uncle $20 for hitting a puppy that was seemingly doing nothing, which seemed to not be a very large fine for hitting a puppy.

No word from James Harrison on the matter.

The post Roger Goodell Fines Daughter for Hitting Books Too Hard appeared first on Korked Bats.

Apparently the suggestions was initially brought up by Denver Broncos third string quarterback Tim(othy) Tebow, who believed there was a lack of coverage of midwestern sports stories on ESPN.

“I ate a sandwich and felt sick for about three hours,” Tebow cried, “and I don’t think a single person in Vermont even knew about it. What kind of journalism is that?”

After three hours of investigations, ESPN discovered that there is indeed sports teams, yes, multiple sports teams, located in states like Washington, Florida and even Missouri. ESPN is creating “The Flyover” despite a recent survey they conducted. The poll, which surveyed 500 native New Yorkers and Bostonians, asked how much they cared about sports outside of their respective cities. The results are displayed below:

So despite the conclusive evidence that no one cares about anything not happening on the East Coast, ESPN’s new network will debut in a few weeks. The following statement was released from ESPN in relation to “The Flyover”:

It has come to our attention that due to the popularity of sports in Boston and New York City, people have begun sports outside of these two cities, and across this great nation as we continue to grow from the East Coast to the unknown west. In our constant commitment to get money from as many people as possible, we will launch “The Flyover,” our fourth network. ESPN will continue to do what it always does, report on nothing but New York, Boston and the occasional player-crotch-phone-pic. ESPN2 will accent ESPN, showing replays and commentary on the NY and Boston programming, and ESPN3 is still a great way to watch darts tournaments, as long as they happen in Boston or The Big Apple. “The Flyover” will be a great way to see highlights of teams that choose to play sports elsewhere. Not soccer, though. We said sports, you pansy. – ESPN

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QB: Aaron Rodgers – Green Bay Packers – @aaronrodgers12
Ok, so this player is also very good at football. But he makes our fantasy twitter team due to his two-tweet tandem of

“If u don’t have a sense of humor, or if u take urself too seriously, you probably shouldn’t follow me. I quote jack handy, heavyweights…” “…the princess bride, etc. Please dont try n give me lessons on politics, I’m not impressed.” Hundreds of people tweeted the SECOND HALF of his sentence. Nuff said.

RB1: Chris Johnson – Tennessee Titans – @ChrisJohnson28
Chris Johnson is more entertaining on twitter than he is on the field. That being said, he is also harder to figure out when online. Enjoy the following… stuff:

“What da lick read”
“I think I want twins”
“Who up”
and my favorite recent tweet that makes no sense: “Now make me take this polo off”

RB2: Ryan Grant – Green Bay Packers – @RyanGrant25
He’s hilarious, interacts with fans and keeps up with pop culture.

“I’m so mad that I had to find out that Tom Cruise won the lead role over me by seeing the M I-4 trailer.. They could have told me lol”

WR1: Chad Ochocinco – New England Patriots – @Ochocinco
The athlete who coined the idea of athletes on twitter, and recently voted the second most valuable twitter user on the PLANET (behind Rainn Wilson of The Office). Chad interacts and entertains. It is impossible to pick out one of his tweets to list. Recently he tweeted about wanting to fight Vincent Wilfork and Albert Haynesworth, who combined would be 9x Chad’s weight.

WR2: Stev(i)e Johnson – Buffalo Bills – @StevieJohnson13
You’ve got to hand it to a guy who switches his name from Steve to Stevie midway through his twenties. Follow Bills breakout receiver Stevie J on twitter so he will potentially stop blaming God for his dropped passes.

TE: Rob Gronkowski – New England Patriots – @RobGronkowski
One of the guys that Tom Brady makes look like an All-Pro is a hilarious follow. He tweets about partying in Arizona and spanking celebrities on their birthday. العاب اون لاين

“Hey @KateUpton Happy Birthday!! Can I give you a B day spanky?”

K: Josh Scobee- Jacksonville Jaguars – @JoshScobee10
On the list because he is a professional football player and has a profile picture of himself golfing. Even HE knows how lame kickers look with their silly uni-facemasks.

D/ST: Chris Kluwe, Punter – Minnesota Vikings – @ChrisWarcraft
I know a punter wouldn’t score me any points in a regular fantasy football league (yet), but Chris Kluwe challenges for funniest athlete on twitter. Well, at least when he’s not posting about World of Warcraft. A punter who plays World of Warcraft. It all makes so much sense.

“Time to play Deus Ex and pass out on my couch. Hooray!”

The post Fantasy Football All-Twitter Team appeared first on Korked Bats.

Note: You’ll have to track these athletes down, show them this post and convince them to help you out amongst the fiery death that surrounds you both in order for this post to be effective.

Evan Longoria – He’s good with a bat (weapon), tall (help you into a tree) and has intimidatingly good looks (fact). Plus if your zombie hits a curving baseball at you, you should still be in good shape.

Ray Lewis – Big, strong, fast. Has no trouble using extensive force to rid a moving object of its life. Too soon?

OJ Simpson – See: Ray Lewis + the ability to steal back his own autograph. May be a good co-author of your post-apocalyptic novel “How I Did It,” about, of course, how you allegedly killed your wife zombie.

Lou Holtz – He pretty much looks dead. A great way to disguise yourself and blend in.

Manny Pacquiao – The best boxer in the world is a no-brainer (hehe). Jab and move. Jab and move.

Floyd Mayweather – A very good boxer, Mayweather is the world’s greatest avoiding-situations-everyone else-knows-should-happen-er, which may prove to be more helpful than fists.

Joakim Noah – Same physical attributes as Lou Holtz but with a crazy ability to flail is arms.

Athletes to Avoid: LeBron James (he tends to run away when things get tough), Jose Canseco (I just want him to die), Derek Jeter (he would swing and miss the zombies about 4 out of 5 times).

So there ya have it. Good luck and don’t die or else.

Who do you think would be an essential apocalypse athlete? اسرار ماكينة القمار Hit up the comments!

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