This might be the dumbest day in sports, as I blogged about earlier, but there can be some good coming in the form of social media content. This is when we separate the men from the boys (a reference Harrison Butker probably loves). It should be noted that not all schedule release videos are created equal. In fact, some suck. Looking at you, New York Jets, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, Indianapolis Colts, Las Vegas Raiders, a few that just went with a hydraulic press, and a bunch that had to do with drawing and art.

We here at Korked Bats DO NOT do honorable mentions. Mainly because there is no honor in a mention. But if we did…

(in no particular order)

Honorable Mention – Pittsburgh Steelers

Ok, I’m a sucker for a good dad joke. I wanted to hate this one, but I couldn’t. Low-hanging fruit still provides a good source of food, you guys.

Honorable Mention – Philadelphia Eagles

Solid one-liners, solid editing. No mention or reminder of the fact that the Titans traded AJ Brown to them on draft night for nothing? Perfect. No notes.

Honorable Mention – Minnesota Vikings

I used to love watching Apple keynotes. Back when the company was innovative, creative, and design-focused (read: before Steve Jobs passed). So this was a solid spoof of those and well executed. Skol hat tip, Vikes.

Honorable Mention – Miami Dolphins

Simple and didn’t take me 6 minutes to watch. Respect, Miami.

6. Buffalo Bills

Getting players to act has an extremely high level of difficulty and usually fails (see: the Bears, Packers, and Patriots schedule releases), but I’ll be honest, Josh Allen kinda nails this semi-awkward role here. I came in extremely skeptical and he impressed. Then again, this is for a regular season schedule. Would love to see him put it together for a postseason schedule.

5. Tennessee Titans

They say the sequel is never as good as the original, and well, that proves to be true. There are moments in this video, but like getting players to act, this comes with an extremely high level of difficulty because last year’s schedule release video was perfect. Unfortunately, this was more Zoolander 2 than Terminator 2.

4. Dallas Cowboys

Look, I hate to give the Dallas Cowboys any more shine than they already get from the national media despite making fewer championship game and Super Bowl appearances over the last 25 years than the Titans, but I have to admit, this was solid. It was creative, original, banks on a popular trend, and is well executed. It did feel like a few were scripted or tipped off, but aside from that, it was funny. This will be the only time I ever say this, but well done, Cowboys.

3. Atlanta Falcons

Any nod to NFL Street is ok by me. Especially when it’s got as many Easter eggs as this video has. Attention to detail goes a LONG way on the Internet. This might be the only top 6 the Falcons appear in all year, but it was nice to see them receive national recognition for something other than inking a new quarterback.

2. Detroit Lions

It’s hard to go wrong with The Detroiters boys. Especially right now. Their stock price is hella high because they’re both incredibly funny. And neither guy seemed to be there just for the zipline. This was fun to watch. And wasn’t a chore, like the Raiders.

1, Los Angeles Chargers

No surprise here. The Chargers social media team is the absolute best in the business. On so many levels. But they seem to win (or at worst be top two) in every year’s schedule release. Pretty fitting for an account that started at P.F. Changs.

To paraphrase the great philosopher Marshawn Lynch, you could watch this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and still find new easter eggs in every watch. Like…

Or…

Or…

Or the absolute cherry on top…

Animators had to be working overtime on this one, because that Butker story just dropped a couple days ago.

The post SIXER: The Top 6 NFL Schedule Release Videos appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Cowboys lost in the playoffs, which is always hilarious. But lately, they’ve been doing this thing where they save the grand finale for their final play, and it’s only made everything even more hilarious. Here’s our breakdown of the absolute funniest way for the Cowboys to be eliminated.

The post VIDEO: A Breakdown of the Cowboys’ Final Play of the Season appeared first on Korked Bats.

We have made it to one of my favorite days of the year–Thanksgiving. A day full of delicious food, football, and family. What’s not to love? Outside of maybe one of those (family…I’m talking about family. Thankfully, I no longer have to attend two Thanksgiving after my wife of 7 years left me for the delivery guy, but yeah family is what I meant there, so onward and upwards. I’m okay!).

Anyways, this is one of the best NFL days of the year. We get a full day of games on a Thursday. It’s also a great day to place bets. What’s that? You need help with the turkey? Sorry, have to watch my bets! Oh need help setting the table? Sorry I’m watching these games. It’s the perfect day to get into betting on football. It’s an even better day to win betting on football. There are three games, if we do our homework and pick each correctly that’s a mighty fine spread. Thanksgiving can be annoying, or lonely in my case, but making money makes it so much better. Let’s look at the picks!

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions Line: CHI -3

There is no tradition like the Lions losing on Thanksgiving. Year in and year out, we can count on that. But, McDude, the Nagy situation? No Justin Fields? Yeah yeah, I know. But Lions losing on Thanksgiving is tradition. To be honest, I feel better about the Bears with Andy Dalton under center. Am I crazy? Maybe. But I’m putting my money on tradition. Lions could never do it with Stafford and won’t with Goff…Boyle…or whoever they choose to start. Bears barely win. Without even looking at what the under is, I would probably take it in this one.

Pick: CHI -3 Bears 20 Lions 16

Las Vegas Raiders @ Dallas Cowboys Line: DAL -7.5

I was tempted to take the Raiders and the points here, but feel like it’s a good chance for “America’s Team” to prove their value on this holiday. The defense has improved and offense has weapons. Plus, the Raiders let the struggling Chiefs put up over 40 on them and I think the Cowboys can also beat them by a large margin. My money is on the Cowboys here to win big.

Pick: DAL -7.5 Cowboys 30 Raiders 20

Buffalo Bills @ New Orleans Saints Line: BUF -6

Who are the Bills? Who are the Saints? These two teams are hard to get a read on this year. The Bills offense and defense can be the best in the league, when they’re on. Then again…they can also lose to the worst teams any given Sunday. I don’t get it. The Saints defense remains one of the best in the NFL but they don’t have a quarterback, despite giving Taysom Hill a new contract every year. I don’t get it! The Bills should win this game. Will they? Who knows, but they should win this by at least a touchdown, even against a defense as skilled as the Saints.

Pick: BUF -6 Bills 27 Saints 20

Parlay: the favorites with spreads!

The post Korked Bets: NFL Thanksgiving Day appeared first on Korked Bats.

Is it a surprise? Not at all. This guy has done nothing but win for the last two decades plus. But what makes this one and every win after this is the fact that Tom Brady is 44 years old. Did you know that? He’s 44. I know he looks younger now than when he was drafted, but he’s 44. He’s 44. The man is 44. As if he’s the first person to ever turn 44, no one can stop talking about how he’s 44. Nevermind the fact that it took a comeback in the closing minute to eek out a win against the Cowboys, a team Vegas had them 8.5-point favorites over. But the man is 44.

So naturally, today, as you might expect (and honestly, should expect after every win this season), the media is raving about Tom Brady. And his ability to still get it done at 44. And sure, it should be commended that Brady can put on shoulder pads without breaking a hip at his age, but let’s not act like he’s reversing the aging process. So chill out, Bezos. He hasn’t found what you’re looking for.

But I feel like most people are missing a huge glaring detail in this entire Tom Brady saga. And no it’s not his age. (He’s 44, btw.) Tom Brady is less Ben Button, and more Bron. He hasn’t gotten better. He just joined a super team late in his sports life.

Why is it we all agree that football is a team sport except for when it comes to our takes on Tom Brady? When other teams win it’s because of the entire team because you know, football. But when Brady wins, it’s because of Brady. And solely Brady. People like to say Brady is the clear winner in the Brady vs. Belichick debate because when Brady bounced, the Patriots sucked and Brady nearly threw his 7th Lombardi into the ocean. Nevermind the fact that Bill Belichick was the mastermind behind the entire defensive side of the ball during those Super Bowl-winning teams in New England. And correct me if I’m wrong, but the Patriots were never heralded for having a dynamic offense outside of that 2007 team – when yet again, Brady was surrounded by a Pro Bowl roster on offense. And plus, in that Brady-Belichick debate, people tend to forget that the Patriots had a record number of 8 players opt out last season due to covid. While Brady did nothing but add players to his roster (more on that in a sec). Hmm, maybe that had something to do with the Patriots sucking and the Bucs flourishing last season? But what do I know? I’m just a doofus with a blog.

Why is it we don’t clown Brady for doing literally the exact same thing we clown LeBron and K.D. for? He legitimately joined a super team. And isn’t football more of a team sport than basketball? Hmmm.

The Bucs before Brady were a win away from the playoffs. They had the THIRD best offense in the sport with THE BEST passing offense in the sport. That’s not a lie, either, even though it definitely sounds like one considering they had Jameis Winston throwing 30 footballs to the other team, eight of which went of touchdowns to the other teams (a fun NFL record)! I mean, Jameis Winston was able to produce the best passing offense in the entire league. You put any other quarterback (or even the same quarterback, just post LASIK), then of course that squad is going to be insane. And on top of that, they also went out and added Gronk (future Hall of Famer), Antonio Brown (former best wide receiver in the sport before he got frostbitten feet), and Leonard Fournette (a beast back who had been mistreated, neglected, and abused in Jacksonville). Not to mention their defense remained stacked after they re-signed Ndamukong Suh, Kevin Minter, Andrew Adams, Shaq Barrett (tagged), Jason Pierre-Paul, and all eight of JPP’s fingers.

I’m not saying Brady doesn’t deserve any respect. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be surprised by what he’s doing at his age. He’s 44. I’m just saying, it’s a lot easier to have success in your AARP days when you’re surrounded by insane talent. Just ask fellow Michigan man Juwan Howard. Dude didn’t win a ring until his final two seasons when LeBron and Bosh joined the team. Brady doesn’t have to be great. Just dump it off to his Monstars teammates and let them be great.

All I’m saying is we should be consistent. Kevin Durant can’t be a “ring chaser” without Brady being one too. Brady isn’t reversing the aging process, he’s just on a much better team.

Also, did you know he’s 44?

The post You Want A Hot Take? Tom Brady Isn’t “Reversing The Aging Process” He’s Just On A Super Team appeared first on Korked Bats.

You have got to be kidding me. THIS is the fountain of youth??? THIS is how you live long enough to see your football team win a couple of Super Bowls and then live through 26 years of misery after??? THIS is how you overpay players like Tony Romo and Dak Prescott??

If Jerry Jones is doing it, then it must work, because Jerry is death’s white whale. Cockroaches are impressed with Jerry’s inability to die.

The return of HBO’s Hard Knocks is always an exciting time of year because you know football season is close. I can’t say I was overly excited when they selected Cowboys for this year’s featured team, but I figured anything would be better than the Chargers/Rams set up they had for last year. At the very least, I figured we would get some unforgettable Jerry Jones content and, to be brutally honest, who knows how many more years Jerry has left. I say this because the first episode featured Jerry making a very questionable decision and it had nothing to do with football.

JERRY JONES PUTS SALT ON HIS MCGRIDDLE

Let me set the stage for you: Jerry sits behind a relatively modest desk for a man with so much money. He has a water, glass of milk, black coffee, an unopened McGriddle, a note pad with scribbles, a pen, and a salt shaker in front of him. All these things seemingly normal. (Note: typically there is a pepper shaker to accompany the salt but Jerry doesn’t waste his time with pepper, he knows what he wants.) Jerry pretends to jot some notes down about Dak’s new injury and then hangs up the phone and begins to enjoy his breakfast. He opens up the McGriddle and does the unthinkable: reaches for the salt shaker.

Jerry proceeds to DUMP salt on his McGriddle like he’s trying to get ice off his driveway in the winter.

After I was done feeling sick to my stomach, it got me curious. Curious to know what Jerry’s salt intake was after enjoying his McGriddle. I took the liberty to scour the McDonald’s website (they make it really hard to find) to locate the nutritional information of a McGriddle.

Those stats are enough to not make you never want to eat a McGriddle ever again, let alone put EXTRA salt on it. 1290 mg of sodium just wasn’t enough for Jerry. He needed to add the extra salt to get that extra 44% of sodium to ensure he is consuming 100% of his daily sodium intake with 1 McGriddle. But hey, at this point we should just come to expect Jerry Jones to ruin anything he touches.

Move over Juan Ponce De Leon, Jerry Jones found what you never could: the fountain of youth.

Austin (dressed as a hot dog) and myself talked about what we thought would be on Hard Knocks this year on this week’s Junk Drawer, but never could have imagined what we witnessed Tuesday night. Listen to this week’s Junk Drawer as we discuss Hard Knocks, Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus Poop Story, O.J. Simpson, a SPECIAL Grit Knox appearance, and is Patrick Mahomes a communist? Join us every Monday at 5pm EST LIVE and comment along, who knows, Austin could be in a hot dog suit.

WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS WEEK’S EPISODE BELOW:

The post Jerry Jones Puts Salt On His McGriddle The Way You’d Expect A 78-Year-Old Overbearing Billionaire Owner To appeared first on Korked Bats.

*-sorta

Not looking forward to preseason football? Yeah, me neither. It’s always around this time of year, as the summer winds down, that I begin to get extremely excited for football season. There’s just something about those crisp fall nights that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Football season gives me all the feels.

If you hate preseason football as much as me, then you’re in luck. I have come up with 6 things to do while you await regular season football and for the coveted phrase of “7 hours of commercial-free football starts now.”

1. Watch paint dry

2. Pretend to care about the Olympics

3. Shine your shoes

4. Take a walk

5. Build a SpongeBob SquarePants Lego set

6. Return books to your local library

If you aren’t a fan of the Steelers or Cowboys, just be thankful your team isn’t playing 4 preseason games. It’s almost as if you get real football sooner.

And look, this list is merely a suggestion. I’m just as lost as you guys are. Feel free to get creative out there. It’s a long 4 weeks, so brace yourselves. You may find yourself waking up in a cold sweat one of these Sunday mornings, frantically flipping through your channels looking for Scott Hanson and RedZone. Just know that you are not alone. We can do this.

The post Here’s A List Of 6 Things To Do Instead Of Watching Preseason Football, I Guess? appeared first on Korked Bats.

So this is how the tweet reads now. If you’re looking for a quick background, Eddie George was named the head coach of the Tennessee State football team today. And if that feels like us making a joke, I assure you even Korked Bats couldn’t have come up with something that random. But let’s start here: with the fact that the Dallas Cowboys are referring to Eddie George as one of their “legends.”

Is Eddie George a legend? Of course. Heisman trophy winner. Rushed for over 10,000 yards in his career. Played Julius Cesar in a play. No question, he’s a legend. But is he a Dallas Cowboys legend? HAHAHA! Hell no. Woodrow Dantzler is more of a Dallas Cowboys legend than Eddie George.

Eddie started 8 games in Dallas, accounting for 132 of his 10,441 career rushing yards. He had 5 total touchdowns. If that is a “legend” to the Cowboys, then their standards sure have slipped since their last Lombardi (in 1995). Feels like when Pamela Anderson settled for Kid Rock after Tommy Lee (A reference Cowboys fans should get since they too were in their peak in the mid-90s).

The Cowboys claiming Eddie as their own would be like Arizona calling Emmitt Smith a Cardinals legend or the Titans trying to claim Randy Moss or Andre Johnson as Titans legends.

But if you think that’s bad, buckle up. Because the bad gets so much worse. In a now deleted tweet, the Dallas Cowboys hit us all with this gem…

Eddie James?

Dammit, Cowboys. If you can’t football well, you should at least Internet well. I know the guy has two first names, but that doesn’t mean you can just throw out ANY two first names. Eddie James? His name is literally in the headline of the link you shared in the tweet! How are you going to claim a guy as your own legend and not even know his name?

That be like the White Sox staking claim to their legend Kevin Griffey Jr.

Or the Orlando Magic paying tribute to their legend Paxton Ewing.

And I’m sure the Cowboys remember Seahawks legend Jeffrey Rice.

Of all NFL teams, you’d think this would be the franchise that would know it’s former players the best, since they’re so entrenched with the past. Look, am I surprised the Cowboys did something embarrassing? No. I’m just surprised they did something embarrassing outside of the months of September to January.

P.S. — we gotta talk about that first sentence. Not just the fact that the Cowboys write their tweets in the third person, but the fact that they think don’t lack superstars. Um, have you seen your defense??

The post The Cowboys Are So Proud Of “Their Own Legend” Eddie George That They Called Him Eddie James appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Cowboys are terrible, pathetic, disappointing, benign—whatever you’d like to call them. Even worse are Cowboys fans who continually support a team run by a human who looks like he wears a skin suit made of his own skin over his own skin. Not even the affable, lovable Dak Prescott could help you before he went down with that gruesome ankle injury. Your coach is biscuits and gravy personified, you have the most wasted talent on the field, and yet you continue to believe your beloved franchise holds any weight in fan circles as “America’s Team.”

Tomahawk Steak

If Texas ever has one thing going for it, it’s beef. So, as you await your bludgeoning at the hands of a surely motivated Lamar Jackson, spend some of your precious time (trust me, you have years if you need it) preparing this ultimate cut and letting go of the past.

Specific equipment/materials:

• Grill (gas or charcoal, doesn’t matter; neither makes a bad steak so shut up and stop having this argument)
• Dying pride
• All of your old Cowboys jerseys

Ingredients:

• 3-pound tomahawk ribeye, room temperature
• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• Kosher salt and pepper
• 2 cloves roasted garlic
• 1 cup melted butter
• 2 tbsp. thyme (dried or fresh)
• Corona for drinking because Tony Romo said so, and he’s the man

Directions:

1. Fire up that grill to at least 500 degrees. Grab a Corona.
2. While the grill is heating up, place your old Michael Irvin, Emmitt Smith, Troy Aikman, or Deion Sanders jersey(s) under the grates on and around the heat source. This is the part where you let go of the past and realize the Cowboys haven’t been a Super Bowl contender in 20-plus years.
3. While you’re waiting for your grill to heat and jerseys to burn, prepare your steak. Drizzle olive oil on both sides of the steak, then season liberally with kosher salt and black pepper.
4. Peel your roasted garlic (to roast, slice off the top of the garlic bulb, drizzle with olive oil, and cook covered in foil in the oven at 350 degrees for an hour). Place in your bowl of melted butter with salt, pepper, and some thyme.
5. Once your grill is at the desired heat and your jerseys have disintegrated into the dry Texas air, place your steak directly on the grates over direct heat. Brush a bit of your garlic butter mixture over the top, then close the grill.
6. Cook for 5 minutes, then flip your steak and baste liberally. But not too liberally, this is Texas after all. Close the grill again, but this time, close the grill as hard as you can on your ankle to induce a Dak-like injury.
7. After 5 more minutes of cooking and excruciating pain, turn off your grill except for one burner (if using charcoal, situate your heat to one side of the grill). Move the steak over indirect heat, baste again, then close your grill again. Remember it’s not all that bad that Andy Dalton is your quarterback right now; you once had Quincy Carter.
8. Every 5 minutes check your steak and bast until it reaches your desired doneness (if you cook your steak to medium or well done, slam your face on the hottest part of the grill, you dumb idiot).
9. Allow your steak to rest for 10–15 minutes before chowing down. In that time, you can remind yourself how close you were to a Super Bowl that one time Dez Bryant made the catch but was ruled to not have made the catch (Aaron Rodgers would have marched down the field and scored after that anyway).
10. Enjoy your steak with another ice cold Corona, and look down at the front of your pants to remember not everything is bigger in Texas. Oh, and schedule some surgery for that leg you crushed in the grill lid.

The Cowboys are bad, and you know it’s going to be a while before you live up to Jerry’s ’90s standards, which will likely be after he peels out of his rough skin suit into a new exoskeleton—about another decade or so. At the very least, you can look forward to winning your division with an 8–8 record when Dak returns in two years. Until then, work on living in the now and enjoying this delicious buttery steak, not because you deserve it, but because all you have truly is beef.

The post Let’s Make Fun Of The Cowboys With This Week’s Gameday Grub: Tomahawk Steak appeared first on Korked Bats.

This play put the F in WTF.

First off, why are you running a punt on 4th and TEN (!) from your own 24 yard line?! Did someone smash Mike McCarthy’s melon with a sledge hammer? And I wish I could say this was the most embarrassing play of the Cowboys’ Thanksgiving, but it wasn’t. Anyway, thank you, Cowboys, for continuously delivering hilarious content. We tried to break it down in the only way we know how. Give the video above a watch.

For more of our Breakdown videos, click here.

The post A Breakdown Of The Dallas Cowboys’ Fake Punt On Thanksgiving appeared first on Korked Bats.

For the better part of three decades, NFL referees were given a little something extra when they officiated Cowboys games (allegedly). Jerry Jones would have one of his minions slip envelopes of cash into the referees’ locker room, and thus guaranteeing the Cowboys would get the close calls. Whenever an opposing team was driving, you would bank on three consecutive holding calls to be made to kill any sort of momentum that might lead to a Dallas loss.

Following the Cowboys being embarrassed in back-to-back weeks by the Cardinals and Football Team, something interesting happened. The refs started to turn on the Cowboys! The first proof happened against the Eagles when the Birds were clearly offsides, but no flag was thrown leading to a strip-sack. To make matters worse, the ball was clearly recovered by Eagle’s tackle Vinny Curry who appeared to be down by contact, but this was ignored by the refs who allowed the play to continue which led to the ball squirting out to be scooped and scored by Eagles safety Rodney McCleod (No relation to Fox).

Things only got worse for Dallas the next week, going up against the undefeated Steelers. The Cowboys led for a good portion of the game, then the refs stepped in. Two questionable calls against the Cowboys defense led to the Steelers coming from behind to win. In the midst of their crushing loss (Dallas is now 2-7, *chef’s kiss*), Ezekiel Elliot’s mom tweeted this;

Wow! Hard proof from a Cowboys insider showing the refs are angry with Dallas and no longer cheating for them. Is this their revenge for Jerry stopping their “Dallas Bonuses?” Why did Jerry stop? Maybe he’s trying to tank this year away for a better draft pick, or maybe the lack of fans in attendance is hurting his bottom line and he can no longer afford to cheat! Whatever the reason, it is truly incredible to watch as Dallas competes with the New York Jets for the mantle of biggest dumpster fire in the NFL.

The post The Evidence Is All There, Jerry Jones Has Stopped Paying The Refs appeared first on Korked Bats.