Saturday, May 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Jerry Jones Puts Salt On His McGriddle The Way You’d Expect A 78-Year-Old Overbearing Billionaire Owner To

If you’ve been looking for ways to add some years on your life by staying active, trying turmeric, not smoking, eating more nuts, trying the TB12 method, drinking a glass of red wine everyday, or even just prioritizing your happiness, go ahead and stop all of that right now. It’s not going to work. You need to get on the Jerry Jones diet.

You have got to be kidding me. THIS is the fountain of youth??? THIS is how you live long enough to see your football team win a couple of Super Bowls and then live through 26 years of misery after??? THIS is how you overpay players like Tony Romo and Dak Prescott??

If Jerry Jones is doing it, then it must work, because Jerry is death’s white whale. Cockroaches are impressed with Jerry’s inability to die.

The return of HBO’s Hard Knocks is always an exciting time of year because you know football season is close. I can’t say I was overly excited when they selected Cowboys for this year’s featured team, but I figured anything would be better than the Chargers/Rams set up they had for last year. At the very least, I figured we would get some unforgettable Jerry Jones content and, to be brutally honest, who knows how many more years Jerry has left. I say this because the first episode featured Jerry making a very questionable decision and it had nothing to do with football.


Let me set the stage for you: Jerry sits behind a relatively modest desk for a man with so much money. He has a water, glass of milk, black coffee, an unopened McGriddle, a note pad with scribbles, a pen, and a salt shaker in front of him. All these things seemingly normal. (Note: typically there is a pepper shaker to accompany the salt but Jerry doesn’t waste his time with pepper, he knows what he wants.) Jerry pretends to jot some notes down about Dak’s new injury and then hangs up the phone and begins to enjoy his breakfast. He opens up the McGriddle and does the unthinkable: reaches for the salt shaker.

Jerry proceeds to DUMP salt on his McGriddle like he’s trying to get ice off his driveway in the winter.

Salt shaker GIFs - Get the best gif on GIFER

After I was done feeling sick to my stomach, it got me curious. Curious to know what Jerry’s salt intake was after enjoying his McGriddle. I took the liberty to scour the McDonald’s website (they make it really hard to find) to locate the nutritional information of a McGriddle.

Those stats are enough to not make you never want to eat a McGriddle ever again, let alone put EXTRA salt on it. 1290 mg of sodium just wasn’t enough for Jerry. He needed to add the extra salt to get that extra 44% of sodium to ensure he is consuming 100% of his daily sodium intake with 1 McGriddle. But hey, at this point we should just come to expect Jerry Jones to ruin anything he touches.

Move over Juan Ponce De Leon, Jerry Jones found what you never could: the fountain of youth.

Austin (dressed as a hot dog) and myself talked about what we thought would be on Hard Knocks this year on this week’s Junk Drawer, but never could have imagined what we witnessed Tuesday night. Listen to this week’s Junk Drawer as we discuss Hard Knocks, Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus Poop Story, O.J. Simpson, a SPECIAL Grit Knox appearance, and is Patrick Mahomes a communist? Join us every Monday at 5pm EST LIVE and comment along, who knows, Austin could be in a hot dog suit.



A.D. is a Steelers season ticket holder and remembers when Wiz Khalifa was good. He hails from Pitt(sburgh), and has swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.


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