Saints Will Place Drew Brees In Plastic Bubble For Remainder Of The Season

NEW ORLEANS- Pro Bowl quarterback Drew Brees was informed today that the team wants him to play the remainder of the season wearing a protective bubble.

New Orleans Saints General Manager Micky Loomis and head coach Sean Payton decided on the move after watching several NyQuil commercials featuring their prolific passer.

“After watching countless commercials of Drew complaining about being sick and chugging NyQuil, we feel that he either has the immune system of a newborn baby or a severe chemical dependency. The bubble will help Drew with both,” stated Loomis.

The bubble, which resembles a large hamster ball, will allow Brees to pretty much only perform quarterback sneaks. This, of course, only coming after the football passes through a sanitation chamber. The bubble will feature a filtered hydration system, self propelled traction wheel, as well as surround sound.

“We wanted to still allow Drew to have that one of a kind gridiron experience. He deserves that. It’s just we have to protect our franchise player by any means possible,” added Payton.

When asked how the bubble would affect his team’s offense Coach Payton went on to say the complete lack of a passing attack will hinder them greatly, but they are currently working on a cannon that will allow for downfield passes.

“We may never win another game,” said Brees though a plastic divider. “At least until we play the Browns.”

Brees continued, “I tried to explain to management that the NyQuil commercials weren’t real and that I’m 100% healthy, but they weren’t buying it, they said my acting was too realistic not to take seriously.” Brees admitted that was the first time anyone has believed his acting.

Brees went on to add that having the bubble emblazoned with the Saints’ fleur de lis, as well as sponsor decals, will almost certainly make it impossible to see the field. “I’ll basically be just a huge advertising ball out on the field.”

Coach Payton said he is already in the process of adapting the playbook to Drew’s new situation. “Drew is the vital lynch pin of this team, he’s a future Hall of Famer and the main reason we are even relevant. We will make this bubble offense thrive.”

The “Brees Ball,” as it’s being called, will make its debut September 22nd at home against the Arizona Cardinals.

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