No One’s More Excited For The Chiefs Super Bowl Than Mike Vrabel’s Penis
NASHVILLE — While sitting comfortably between two massive thighs, Mike Vrabel’s penis expressed an unspeakable relief that the Kansas City Chiefs won the AFC Championship this past weekend.
“Since the day he made that vow, I have been sweating balls,” Vrabel’s penis said. “And trust me, I know all about sweating balls.”
The “vow” Mike Vrabel’s penis is referring to is the comments Vrabel made on the Bussin With The Boys podcast earlier this year that he would cut off his penis for a Super Bowl.
Now that the Titans have been eliminated from the NFL Playoffs, Mike’s penis is basking in the glory of not falling victim to the same fate as John Bobbit’s peen.
“I haven’t been this excited since the last time Mrs. Vrabel saw me,” his penis said. “I’d say I was the biggest Chiefs fan on Sunday, but really I’m like a slightly under-average size fan. But please don’t tell Mike I told you that.”
Mike’s penis can now rest easy, at least for another year. He’s hoping to use that time to readjust and grow, and he plans to travel somewhere exotic, like Bangkok. Either that or just be stuffed in Vrabel’s underwear forever.
“I know Mike has to cut a lot of people every year in the offseason, I just never thought I could be one of them. I mean, I’ve already been cut once in a church, but that was a long time ago. I like to tell people it was foreskin and seven years ago,” Vrabel’s penis said giggling to himself. “Frankly, I want to ask him, ‘How can you continue to be a head coach without your head, coach?'”
As for the game itself, Vrabel’s penis said the AFC Championship Game was so insane, he couldn’t watch.
“I seriously couldn’t even watch,” he said. “Mainly because I was stuffed in a pair of trousers, but also because I heard how nuts it was. And I don’t need any more nuts in my life.”
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