NO, MARIAH! IT IS NOT TIME! GO BACK IN YOUR LITTLE ICE CUBE! Look, I know this is the one time of year when you are relevant, but there is no reason for you to make your month of relevance any longer than it already is. Everybody loves Christmas, sure, but the literal day after Halloween is NOT Christmas time. Slow your role, Glitter. I wrote about this last year, and I still believe it with all my heart. We still need to celebrate arguably the third most American holiday behind the Fourth of July and Flag Day… and that is Thanksgiving Day. A day to honor the pilgrims for trying to make good with the native Americans by breaking bread after shoving Eastern diseases down their throats. And I’ll be damned if Nick Cannon’s baby mama tries and overlooks this nation’s day for eating, watching football, taking forced tryptophan naps, and leaving family time early to get in line for unnecessary Black Friday Sales. I know as a ’90’s diva, you’re wired to make everything about yourself, but not this. Not today! Nobody wants to hear your high-pitched squeal before the Macy’s parade, let alone before Veterans Day. Support our troops, Mariah, by waiting your turn. Plus, the holidays aren’t easy for everyone. In fact, for some people, the holidays can be extremely difficult. Like anyone who is single and alone, anyone going through tough financial times, or anyone whose grandma got run over by a reindeer. Show a little consideration, Mariah!
Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.
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