Saturday, June 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

It’s Time To Give Thanksgiving Some Respect

Yesterday, on November 1st, Mariah Carey dropped the following video, officially announcing the start of Christmas season.

Not today, Satan Mariah Carey!

It’s time for Thanksgiving to get its groove back. To get its month back. It’s like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are all siblings, and the middle child always gets neglected. It’s time we get back to giving Thanksgiving the respect it’s due. I mean, this is America, isn’t it? Why would we not count down the days and celebrate the absolute hell out of the one holiday that is all about food?! Sure, Christmas is commercialized which is why we go over the top with it, but why don’t we commercialize Turkey Day?! Where are our advent calendars and 12 days of Thanksgiving? Why don’t we debate if DIE HARD is a Thanksgiving movie? (I mean, technically it takes place at Christmas, but the movie originally came out in the summer… and if you split the difference? BOOM! Thanksgiving!) It’s time we give the gobble its due. If we’re going to murder countless turkeys every year the least we can do is celebrate them leading up to it while they’re still alive! All I’m saying is the native Americans and pilgrims didn’t die for this.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some Ebineezer. I love Christmas. I love Christmas time. But I need some detox time after Halloween. I can’t go from watching Friday The 13th to celebrating December The 25th with a single ride on the Peloton, Mariah! And it’s not just the world’s biggest diva to blame. Some radio stations in Chicago are already flipping to Christmas music for the season. Are you kidding me?! It’s been in the 70’s this week. Forgive me for not wanting to jam out to White Christmas when I’m wearing shorts. There’s a time and a place for Christmas, and November is NOT it.

It used to be that Black Friday was actually on Friday and Christmas didn’t kick off until you saw Santa at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. At what point do we say enough is enough? At what point do we not let our neighbor Christmas litter OUR yard with all of their kids’ toys? I say it’s right now. Let’s fight back for November. Now you might be saying: “Austin, didn’t you just yesterday rank November as the second most worthless month of the calendar year?” And to that I say………… Well, yes.

But still, that doeesn’t mean I don’t like Thanksgiving. So I will gladly join anyone else on the front lines in this war. It’s not a War on Christmas, like your aunt on Facebook likes to complain about every year. It’s a War FOR Thanksgiving. So Thanksgiving nation, let’s ride.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.