New York Jets Ready To Apologize for 2013 Season
CORTLAND, NY- As the start of the 2013 NFL season approaches, most teams are putting the finishing touches on what they hope to be a Super Bowl season, the New York Jets have become accustomed to doing things a bit different.
“We are primed and ready to apologize for this upcoming season, and focused on what we feel will be a great offseason starting in December,” proclaimed head coach Rex Ryan. “At times in past seasons, we were left without answers to obvious questions, not this year, we are ready to wait until next year, or maybe the year after that. Who knows?”
The Jets, whom are set to embark on their 53rd season, haven’t had much to be optimistic about since “Broadway” Joe Namath was under center from 1965-1976, and this season doesn’t appear to be any different, but that hasn’t stopped some excitement in the locker room.
“The next offseason is going to be great, it’s just a shame we actually have to play these games.” said quarterback Mark Sanchez, who was visibly excited after learning he wouldn’t be the opening day starter. “I’ve already set up my appointment with the travel agent to get my vacation planned quickly.”
Coach Rex Ryan also hinted of the new press conference schemes he plans to unveil after the Jets’ losses this year. “I’ve bought some new funny shirts with witty sayings, some wigs, and I plan on speaking in Pig Latin during some of the press conferences. It’s going to be tough trying to keep the apologies fresh, but that’s why we have the offseason, so we can prepare for our impending 0-16 season.”
Travel Agent George Kramer stated that his office has had to hire additional help as of late. “This group of players are all so pumped for the next offseason, and we provide them with travel packages on where they can unwind when the playoffs get underway.” Kramer also added that he still daydreams about one day scheduling an actual trip to the Super Bowl, but he understands that it’s nothing more than ‘delusional thinking.'”
Team owner Woody Johnson has also released this statement:
“We understand that our fans may want to cheer on a winning team, so we have worked a deal with the Giants that would allow us to claim half of a victory for all Giant home game wins during the 2013 season. These half victories will not affect our win/loss record, but it’s a small nugget of sunshine for those few folks who enjoy New York Jets football.”
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