Saturday, June 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Kyle Brandt’s NFL Playoffs Segment For CBS Is A Masterclass In Writing, One-Shot Takes, & Picking The Best Seat In The Theater


NFL Network host, former Soap Opera star, and Jean-Claude Van Dammuary enthusiast Kyle Brandt dropped another fire segment on CBS today all about the NFL Playoffs. And this week’s was right up our alley as it was movie themed. Before you read the rest of this blog, do yourself a favor and watch the entire thing.

Ironic how a take on the NFL Playoffs being like the movies is more cinematic than most movies. This thing is a masterpiece. It feels as though everything Kyle Brandt touches turns to gold, just the way everything J.J. Abrams touches turns into a lens flare. And this thing dropped just in time for award season. If the Academy doesn’t recognize this as a nominee for best picture, then Will Smith should slap them too. Knowing Kyle, I’d be willing to bet he wrote the entire script – which is incredibly written – and the fact that the whole thing was shot in one take is just mind-blowing. Best one shot since GoodFellas. Or Birdman. According to Kyle’s reply tweet to Scott Van Pelt, the entire thing took only round 6 takes – which is insane if you think about it. That entire script, with the delivery, to knock it out in only 6 tries?

But shoutout most of all to the guy who ripped Kyle’s ticket. Not only for having to do 6 ticket rips and just stand there the whole time but also because you know he probably actually works at that theater and had to sweep up every kernel of popcorn KB spilled on the carpet.

KB, we know you’re a Mens Fitness cover model now, but you don’t have to waste popcorn like that. My man dropped more kernals on the floor than T.O.

But the thing Kyle nails most of all in this segment, even more than the writing, the delivery, and the one-shot take… is his seat choice in the theater.

As Kyle enters the theater, he doesn’t Rebecca Black the situation and wonder which seat should he take. He goes straight for it: middle of the theater, right in front of the railing. This is the iron throne of any cinema. Why? A few reasons: 1. you don’t have anyone sitting in front of you who could distract you by texting, eating, or talking. 2. you can prop your feet up (as Kyle does) without putting your feet on the seat of somebody in front of you. It’s perfect. It’s the ability to recline in a chair that doesn’t even recline. Plus… 3. if you need to slip out to the bathroom, you can squeeze between the railing to get out fast so you don’t miss anything. And you don’t have to deal with any of the awkward “Excuse me” or “Can I squeeze by you real quick? Sorry!” or “I just gotta get by ya…” There’s nothing more awkward than making someone, who’s already sitting, stand just so you can go take a piss. So if you haven’t made it out to the theater since COVID and need a refresher, take Kyle’s lead as a how to on where to sit in the theater.

So all in all, this was the perfect take, the perfect execution, and the perfect seat selection. From one KB to another, well done.

P.S. What movie do we think he’s seeing? Given the fact that he’s the only one in the theater, I’m going with a matinee of Babylon maybe?


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.