Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs, the iconic American institution behind the annual 4th of July hot dog eating contest, recently made the controversial decision to ban Joey Chestnut from this year’s event due to a sponsorship conflict. And you know what? As much as it pains me to see an American icon not compete this year, it was the right call. Grab a hot dog (or sixty-eight) and let me explain.

Look, don’t let my stance get things twisted. Chestnut is the Jordan of competitive eating. Wait, scratch that. Jordan is the Chestnut of basketball. Joey C. has won 16 titles. SIXTEEN! Choke on that weiner, Tom Brady. Jordan only has a measly six. Brady has seven. But Joe Chessy? He has enough titles to pass out as party favors. So let it be known, that while this take may seem piping hot, Joe C. is still insanely revered by the likes of this blog.

But let’s cut to the meat of the matter— Joey Chestnut’s sponsorship conflict is just that: a conflict. Nathan’s Famous has always been the true hot dog of choice. It’s not just a brand. It’s the brand. It’s a tradition, a symbol of American summertime joy. It’s as American as Chevy, Miller Lite, or Luke Combs. I know Joey is used to scarfing down dogs, but you still have to make sure you don’t bite the hand that literally feeds you. And quite frankly, his affiliation with Impossible Foods is a mustard stain on his pristine image. However, Chestnut is crying foul and alluding that the organizers of the Nathan’s contest, Major League Eating, changed the terms of his agreement around endorsing other products.

“Everything with Impossible was perfectly fine by all my previous agreements. They changed terms and conditions [around] exclusivity. And it’s not the first time they’ve changed some things, but it’s the first time they’ve really changed things after the fact, and I had to say, ’Hey, it’s too late, I’ve already started working with this brand.’ This was never an issue in the past. And they tried to dance around it — they changed a lot of terms, and then they escalated things to a degree they didn’t imagine when they started leaking information and telling people I was banned and that I turned vegan, which clearly isn’t the case.”

But look, this isn’t about Joey endorsing another brand. To me, this is about the brand that Joey is endorsing. Impossible Foods makes a 0%-beef hot dog. Call me old fashioned, but hot dogs are supposed to have beef and/or other combined mystery meats that probably aren’t good for us. And Nathan’s is the Jordan of making hot dogs. Wait, scratch that. Jordan is the Nathan’s of basketball. They made the right call by prioritizing their integrity over one man’s stomach capacity.

And let’s not ignore the humanitarian aspect here. Watching Joey Chestnut consume 70-plus hot dogs in ten minutes is like watching a python swallow a goat—it’s fascinating but also mildly traumatizing. Maybe banning Joey until he drops ties with his vegan-loving soy brand will be better for his health than the meatless dogs he’s hocking. Maybe he’ll live a year or two more to the ripe old age of 52 by sitting this year out. Maybe the dude (and his toilet) could use a break. This may not be a populate take, but here’s to Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs for this decision. So if you’re asking me to take a side, I’ll take a side. While Joey Chestnut is an American icon, if he’s going to start hocking some vegan franks, I just can’t – as a red-blooded American – get behind that. So I’m sticking with the brand that not only made Chestnut, but makes the greatest all-beef Franks around. Happy 4th of July.

With all that said, Joey will forever be a hero for this…

The post Nathan’s Made The Right Call Banning Joey Chestnut From The Hot Dog Eating Contest… Yeah, I Said It! appeared first on Korked Bats.

What is old shall be made new again. Not to date myself, but I’m old enough to remember when Pizza Hut’s actually looked like huts. Back in the days when every kid didn’t get a participation trophy……….. wait. Nevermind. We always held our end-of-baseball/basketball/soccer season parties at Pizza Hut in which our head coach would then hand out the trophies. Dammit. But that’s beside the point. The point of this blog is that nature is healing itself. Pizza Huts are once again huts. They’re taking back the land they lost. They may have lost the initial battle, but in the end, no one truly out pizzas the Hut.

The post Nature Is Healing. appeared first on Korked Bats.

I’m sure plenty of you will be heartbroken by this news; Choco Tacos are a top-tier ice cream selection for some people, and have been since their inception in the 1980s. I was certainly known to chow down on them when I was a kid. So it brings me no joy to be the bearer of bad news. Social media rumors don’t always prove to be true, but in the case of the Choco Taco, this one is sadly based in fact. RIP, Choco Taco, 1984-2022.

via The Takeout

Today is a tough day. Arguably the toughest Taco Tuesday of all time. Because today your tacos will be sprinkled with not only beef, lettuce and cheese, but also tears.

Am I to blame for this tasty treat’s demise? Maybe. Not to the level you try to pin on me for Bob Saget’s death, but I will admit, there were many times I passed on a Choco Taco for a strawberry shortcake bar, maybe a Drumstick, or quite possibly a frozen Snickers – not often for the Snickers bar though, because let’s be real, I’m not not made of money – but there were many times where I thought about getting a Choco Taco! And it’s the thought that counts, right? Unfortunately, not in capitalism.

But today isn’t a day for pointing fingers. That’s left for literally every other day on the Internet. Today is all about remembering what was lost. In the power rankings of Hispanic desserts, it goes #3. the mints you get at the cash register, #2. flan, and in the top overall spot, #1. The Choco Taco. And sure, ice cream sandwiches walked so Choco Tacos could run, but that’s also like saying Bob Cousy paved the way for Michael Jordan. They’re two different athletes with one being far superior in every single way. The Choco Taco stands alone. Or I guess I should say stood alone.

I remember when Taco Bell used to house the Choco Taco as its only desert alternative to the way-to-stale cinni-twists. This was back in the days of the quintessential 90s, back when Taco Bell interior was designed like a Lisa Frank wet dream. But now, like the old Saved By The Bell opening credits design of the old Taco Bell’s, the Choco Taco is nothing more than a fragment of our imagination. Gone to live with Toys R Us, pogs, Circuit City, and Tamagotchi’s in the great nostalgia in the sky. RIP in peace, ol’ friend. Buenos noches.

I will now open up the floor for eulogies of our favorite taco dessert.

The post 2022 Took Another Legend, RIP In Peace To The Choco Taco appeared first on Korked Bats.

We witnessed history last week. Not just with Joey Chestnut picking up his 15th title, which is the most titles for any athlete in the history of sports. But even more impressive, he did it while taking down a protester. 2022 has been a big year for protesters. From women gluing themselves to the court during the NBA playoffs, to the dude who smeared cake on the Mona Lisa, to now this low-rent Darth Vader giving Joey Jaws a nudge on the one day out of the year where any of us talk about or care about Joey Chestnut. That doesn’t fly.

The post VIDEO: A Breakdown of Joey Chestnut Taking Down That Protester appeared first on Korked Bats.

TIRED: “Hang it in the Louvre!”

WIRED: “Hang it in the Louvre and then smear cake all over it!”

The “Mona Lisa” was the subject of attempted vandalism on Sunday when a visitor to the world-famous Louvre museum in Paris smeared frosting all over the Renaissance-era painting’s protective glass.The man, who appeared to wear a wig in videos of the incident shared on social media, approached the painting in a wheelchair before throwing a piece of cake at the artwork, according to a statement from the Louvre. Videos of the aftermath show him on foot with a wheelchair nearby.

via CNN.com

What a weekend. While Americans were busy remembering those who fought for our country’s freedom this weekend, this presumably-French dude was busy wiping Betty Crocker residue all over Mona Lisa. Just absolutely incredible. I feel like Ron Burgundy after Baxter ate that whole wheel of cheese. I’m not even mad. I’m impressed. In fact, I think might actually be on Cake Guy’s side on this one. For far too long Mona Lisa has just sat in a museum untouched. And that smug jerk is famous for what? Seriously, I’d like to know. It’s certainly not smiling. And it’s definitely for not being hot. Honestly, I think she could use a little cake smeared in her face and frankly, I’m a little disappointed it’s taken this long to do so. (Now, for legal reasons I believe I should point out that Korked Bats does not, in any way, condone the spreading of baked goods on historical paintings… but if you did it anyway, we’d probably write a blog about it.)

In a video published by a museum-goer on Twitter, the man is heard saying in French, “Think of planet Earth, there are people destroying it,” while security escorts the man, with rose petals scattered on the floor of the museum.

Ok, I’m not gonna lie. Cake-smearing protests might be the way to go from here on out. Because I’ll be honest, I was not “thinking of planet Earth” and/or “the people who are destroying it” until this dude smeared his Duncan Hines on a painting from the 1500s. Now it’s all I’m thinking about. I can’t get the image of Hexxus from FernGully out of my head.

Maybe this is the way to go. Whenever you want your point to be heard, don’t just create some snarky picket signs or march on some convenient Saturday. Go ahead and dress like an old lady at a museum and smear Van Gogh’s Starry Night with apple pie or something. Now that’ll get everyone’s attention.

The post How Was Your Weekend? Bet It Was Better Than The Guy Who Smeared Cake On The Mona Lisa At The Louvre appeared first on Korked Bats.

The fact that I have been Papa Bless’ed might as well have given me superpowers. Superpowers that give me the ability to eat 40 pizzas in 30 days, if I so desired. The type of superpowers that give me the strength to go in public wearing a Superman tank top. I’m just not quite sure what I did to deserve such a blessing.

What the hell is Papa Bless? Who the hell is Papa Bless? I don’t know. And that’s what’s so terrifying. The more I think about Papa Bless, the more scared I get.

And it’s not just me. The entire damn KB team is in shambles. Austin couldn’t stop thinking about Papa Bless.

Hell, The Cineboiz didn’t drop a pod this week. Why? Probably because Papa Bless. Papa Bless is haunting our daily life. Please send help.

The post If You Thought Papa John’s Was Bad, Just Wait Until You Meet Papa Bless appeared first on Korked Bats.

It’s been a minute, but the T-Rav Tasters are back. This time we took a trip to a St. Louis establishment. A staple of the 314. Next to the arch and wearing jorts to baseball games, Pasta House is near and dear to every St. Louisan’s heart. With them adding a new location off Ladue Rd., my brothers and I had to hit it up.

It was really good to get back on the TRT horse again after the birth of my son. Not just because I’m always hungry for toasted ravioli, but because we shot this episode with a new director named Jeff Samet, who is also from St. Louis (Clayton High). Check out all of his work. He’s great. But also because I’m always hungry for toasted ravioli.

Plus, we were featured in the St. Louis Jewish Light. Which is a high honor if you’re 1. from St. Louis, and 2. Jewish… as you might assume. While we filmed this episode, Bill Motchan followed us around for a profile. It was awesome.

Jen Duerfahrd, marketing director for Pasta House, said the T-Rav Taster visit would help generate awareness of the restaurant’s new Ladue location and, of course, for their toasted ravioli.

“I think T-Rav Tasters is great for St. Louis,” she said. “And I have three boys, so I can relate to this.”

Her comment came right after Jacob Waldman stuffed seven toasted ravioli into his mouth.

via St. Louis Jewish Light

Classic Jacob.

Also, this series is important to me and my brothers as we want to spread TRA.

“Toasted Ravioli Awareness (TRA) is very important to us,” Jeff Waldman said. “People need to know what St. Louis is known for foodwise, other than the way we awkwardly cut our bagels.”

via St. Louis Jewish Light

Most cities have their own food that they’re known for. And most of those times, they are food everyone knows about. Here in St. Louis, most people outside of St. Louis has any idea what toasted ravioli is. So if Nashville can have Hot Chicken, than why can’t we have deep fried raviolis? Let’s share it with the masses and let everyone know about this tiny little nuggets of meaty gold. Help us spread TRA by sharing the video with friends and family!

St. Louis, I love you.

-Sales Guy Jeff

The post The T-Rav Tasters Hit Up A St. Louis Staple: Pasta House appeared first on Korked Bats.

I am floored. My entire life I’ve always wondered what the hell Grimace was. And today is the day I learned. That giant oaf is a taste bud. Color me shocked. This was me after I found out:

I mean, I will admit he is the only one from the McDonaldland Gang who I had no clue who or what he was.

Ronald McDonald… he’s a creepy ass clown.

Birdie The Early Bird… she’s a birdie who apparently wakes up early.

Hamburglar… convicted felon.

Mayor McCheese… a politician with a burger for a head who was somehow voted into office.

The Fry Kids… they’re balls of french fries, some of which are different colors to portray McDonald’s fries after they’re left to get stale.

The Professor… I honestly don’t even remember this dude, but he looks a lot like that safari hunter from the original Jumanji.

And there’s that fat ass purple blob in the middle. قانون لعبة البوكر I can’t believe I never seriously questioned what he is before this. I just assumed he was just a random shape like Flubber or the Western Kentucky mascot. But now we know he was a taste bud. Is that what are taste bud’s look like? Is he anatomically correct? Taste buds can’t be that big can they? كيف تربح في القمار And if they were, what the hell are they doing spending so much time at McD’s??

Also, who the hell was responsible for the name?

“We need a mascot who can serve as a taste bud to remind people that our food is good… but what should we name him?”

SOME INTERN WHO WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION: “Uhhh, Grimace?”

Not exactly a great marketing technique, golden arches.

P.S. I find it to be no coincidence we learned this on the eve of the Tennessee Vols’ first game. موقع لربح المال

The post We Finally Learned What Kind Of Creature McDonald’s Grimace Is And Honestly, I’ma Need A Minute appeared first on Korked Bats.

You have got to be kidding me. THIS is the fountain of youth??? THIS is how you live long enough to see your football team win a couple of Super Bowls and then live through 26 years of misery after??? THIS is how you overpay players like Tony Romo and Dak Prescott??

If Jerry Jones is doing it, then it must work, because Jerry is death’s white whale. Cockroaches are impressed with Jerry’s inability to die.

The return of HBO’s Hard Knocks is always an exciting time of year because you know football season is close. I can’t say I was overly excited when they selected Cowboys for this year’s featured team, but I figured anything would be better than the Chargers/Rams set up they had for last year. At the very least, I figured we would get some unforgettable Jerry Jones content and, to be brutally honest, who knows how many more years Jerry has left. I say this because the first episode featured Jerry making a very questionable decision and it had nothing to do with football.

JERRY JONES PUTS SALT ON HIS MCGRIDDLE

Let me set the stage for you: Jerry sits behind a relatively modest desk for a man with so much money. He has a water, glass of milk, black coffee, an unopened McGriddle, a note pad with scribbles, a pen, and a salt shaker in front of him. All these things seemingly normal. (Note: typically there is a pepper shaker to accompany the salt but Jerry doesn’t waste his time with pepper, he knows what he wants.) Jerry pretends to jot some notes down about Dak’s new injury and then hangs up the phone and begins to enjoy his breakfast. He opens up the McGriddle and does the unthinkable: reaches for the salt shaker.

Jerry proceeds to DUMP salt on his McGriddle like he’s trying to get ice off his driveway in the winter.

After I was done feeling sick to my stomach, it got me curious. Curious to know what Jerry’s salt intake was after enjoying his McGriddle. I took the liberty to scour the McDonald’s website (they make it really hard to find) to locate the nutritional information of a McGriddle.

Those stats are enough to not make you never want to eat a McGriddle ever again, let alone put EXTRA salt on it. 1290 mg of sodium just wasn’t enough for Jerry. He needed to add the extra salt to get that extra 44% of sodium to ensure he is consuming 100% of his daily sodium intake with 1 McGriddle. But hey, at this point we should just come to expect Jerry Jones to ruin anything he touches.

Move over Juan Ponce De Leon, Jerry Jones found what you never could: the fountain of youth.

Austin (dressed as a hot dog) and myself talked about what we thought would be on Hard Knocks this year on this week’s Junk Drawer, but never could have imagined what we witnessed Tuesday night. Listen to this week’s Junk Drawer as we discuss Hard Knocks, Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus Poop Story, O.J. Simpson, a SPECIAL Grit Knox appearance, and is Patrick Mahomes a communist? Join us every Monday at 5pm EST LIVE and comment along, who knows, Austin could be in a hot dog suit.

WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS WEEK’S EPISODE BELOW:

The post Jerry Jones Puts Salt On His McGriddle The Way You’d Expect A 78-Year-Old Overbearing Billionaire Owner To appeared first on Korked Bats.

Let’s not get it twisted here. While it may look like White Sox manager Tony La Russa was running out of the dugout to get in the mix after first baseman José Abreu was drilled in the head with an unintentional fastball, I can see right through this mild-mannered sprint by the 76-year-old skipper.

That’s the stride of a man who is mere moments away from pooping his pants.

We’ve all been there, and there’s no fear that comes close to comparing to it. It’ll send a chill down even the toughest man (or woman’s) spine, and will prompt some quick thinking and resourcefulness. Tony’s showing all the telltale signs:

The pale face, sweaty palms, inability to move/speak properly, yelling in a setting that doesn’t require that loud of a voice, and getting extremely close to the catcher’s face when speaking to him…

Tony either desperately has to relieve himself, or he’s under the influence of some impairing substance (and we’re not talking spider-tack, folks). However, I’m sure there’s no incident(s) in his past that would have us believe the latter *wink wink*, so it got me thinking…

What are the worst menu items introduced throughout the years by fast-food chains that are sure to make you terribly sick and lead to what many are now calling “The Tony Trot”?

The “Chizza” (KFC)

Ingredients: chicken, ham, pineapple, tomato sauce, cheese sauce, mozzarella.

This is one of the most repulsive things I’ve ever seen. At it’s best, it’s a terrible idea – at it’s worst, it’s this (a horrific idea). Perhaps the most despicable part is still the pineapple for me. People who put pineapple on pizza deserve the death penalty, and I guess this also applies on a “chizza”, but it’s just so otherworldly confusing. I’m also 99% sure that’s a piece of bologna in the picture on the right, which shockingly gives me no more peace than the single, thick-cut slice of ham does.

Onion Nuggets (McDonald’s)

Ingredients: literally just onions and month-old frying grease

I mean, did they even know onion rings existed? If you handed me one of these and I assumed it was a nice chicken nugget (because why would I have any reason to think otherwise) I would promptly beat you to within an inch of your life. This image just looks stale, and seeing the whole onion posted up against the box like a sidekick in a superhero movie makes me nearly gag.

“The School Lunch Smoothie” (Every Middle School in America)

Ingredients: More limitless than Bradley Cooper in Limitless

This was always the negative outcome proposed in any bet that was placed at the lunch table in middle school. I distinctly remember heated competitions would take place to determine who could make the most grotesque concoction, and the loser would have to drink the beverage entirely. In the picture above, I think the glass cup would make it so much worse. We would just tear the milk container completely open, and thank God it wasn’t see-through because the mental aspect was crucial in digesting these abominations if you were so unfortunate.

– Writer’s note: I’m about to make @Instagram drink one of these if they don’t hurry up and #FreeKorkedBats. Clock’s ticking guys, I know my middle school pals would love to get together one more time just to construct a nice tall glass of horror for whoever won’t give us our account back.

(*Credit to Ask.com, Eat This-Not That, and Ranker.com, for finding/compiling some of these absolute monstrosities.*)

The post A List Of Fast Food Items Most Likely To Make You Do “The Tony Trot” To The Nearest Restroom appeared first on Korked Bats.