Thursday, April 25, 2024

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A Recap Of The Bachelorette From A Guy – Episode 6

Ladies and gentlemen, but probably mostly ladies, we’re back with another solid episode this week. We got some drama (albeit kinda dumb – but still drama nonetheless), we got some kissing (hubba hubba), and we got some former Bachelor/Bachelorette cameos (and none of which were Nick Viall – I count that as a win). Let’s get into it.

First Group Date: Grown Ass Man Competition

I love how the big debate online this week has been about the true definition of “masculinity” because Harry Styles wore a dress, I guess? I’m not brushed up on the details – mainly because I try to avoid dumb arguments online. However, this week’s group date either had either the perfect timing or the absolute worst timing, depending on your stance on the topic. And with that irony – I got a good chuckle out of it.

The group date card was sent to Montel, Ivan, Demar, Ben, Chasen, Ed, Joe, and Bennett. Lol, Bennett. That guy makes me laugh, and I can’t figure out why.

For this group date, they went to the rooftop of a luxurious downtown skyscraper. Lol, jk. They went to just some other part of the resort that they’re all staying in. This season feels a lot like when you would go on business trips with your mom or dad growing up – but you were forced to stay at the hotel for most of the trip, so you had to find things around the hotel to entertain you. And the workout room and indoor pool only worked for so long. That’s what this season feels like with them just going to decorated conference rooms within the resort they’re staying at. Hashtag COVID, amirite?!

And who was in this decorated conference room waiting for them? None other than Tayshia’s “friends” Ashley I. and Jared Haibon from a previous season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. No way. I am totally shocked this show forced a cameo of their own stars from a previous season. They never do anything like this. So wild!

I actually like Ashley I. and Jared. I used to crack jokes about Ashley I. in this blog when her season aired (she was prime joke material), but she’s gotten cooler since then, and Jared was a guest on my podcast so he’ll always be cool in my book. Also, how douchey is it to bring up your own podcast in a blog? Answer: very.

Ashley I. and Jared explain they’re there to host The Grown Man Challenge to find out who will be the Grown Ass Man (winner) and who will be the Man-Child (loser). The competition includes a quiz portion, a feats of strength portion, and then a cooking section. You know, basic Grown Ass Man stuff, I guess?

Bachelorette GIF

Also, I should note: when we say Grown Ass Man, we’re saying the ass on the man is grown, not that he’s a grown ass-man, which I imagine is just an adult who enjoys booty. In that case, personally, I’d be more of a grown boob-man.

Bennett (lol, Bennett) came out bragging about how he was going to crush the quiz portion of the competition because he went to Harvard. لعبة مباشر This obviously set up the perfect montage of him missing just about every question – including one question that was just asking them to basically tell time. As it turns out, Bennett is less sharp than Jared Haibon’s jawline.

The Best 'Bachelorette' Recap You'll Ever Read: Let's Get Ready To Rumble |  Betches

In case you were wondering, Bennett thinks its spelled “limosine.” But in Bennett’s defense, the guy behind him had a much worse spelling, in my opinion.

During the physical challenge, the guys were tied to each other by a bungee cord and had to use their strength to try and grab bouquet. Bennett did not compete because of a knee injury? Ok, Bennett.

The last part of the competition was a “breakfast in bed” cooking competition. Tayshia laid in what looked like an IKEA fake bedroom set up while the guys cooked food for her. Because you know, this is a good look at what marriage will be like. Everyday being woken up by breakfast in bed.

Then Bennett (lol, Bennett) changes into a robe, and nothing else, to serve his breakfast in bed. It was hard to tell Tayshia was into it at all, but then she said, “Bennett’s bougie. And I’m bougie, so I appreciate it.” Hold up, is she seriously considering Bennett??

At the end of the competition, Ashley I. and Jared award Ed the Man-Child award, which meant he had to carry around one of those crying home ec baby dolls for the rest of the day. Then they announce the winner of the Grown Ass Man award is… Bennett (lol, Bennett).

Group Date Cocktail Party

That night at the cocktail party, Bennett is still wearing his robe (lol, Bennett), but this doesn’t sit well with Chasen, who thinks it’s classless to not dress up for Tayshia for a freaking cocktail party. I don’t disagree with that take, but he said all of this while wearing a pocket-tee.

And if you think that was overly dramatic, buckle up. Because this drama rocket is ready for blastoff. The cocktail party is where everything started.

Apparently Ed was very outspoken about Chasen being a “fraud and a phony,” and an “actor” who was spinning a “web of deceit.” I’m going to try my best to overlook the fact that someone used the phrase “web of deceit” on this show. Apparently Ed felt this way because Chasen used the same adjective to describe Tayshia that he did to describe Clare earlier this season. Dude, that’s not being a “fraud or a phony” that’s just “having a bad vocabulary.” And as a blogger, I know all about having a bad vocabulary. Anyone who I think is dumb automatically gets labeled a doofus.

However, if you want to blame Chasen for acting like a Jason, I will stand firmly behind that take. He’s a phony Jason. In fact, I’ll be honest, I thought his name was Jason this entire season. My question is how are you going to name some Chasen? What was Chacob taken? Didn’t want to name him Chonathan? I know it’s not cool to get on someone for their name – but WTF IS A CHASEN?! Did his parents name him that as a choke?

Ed then uses his time with Tayshia to complain about Chasen (and not for the spelling of his name, unfortunately). If you’re a regular reader of my recaps, you know my stance here. Rule #1 of The Bachelor/Bachelorette, keep other contestants names out of your mouth. It’s automatic ticket home. Well, at least in a couple weeks. Producers will make sure you get a couple of roses to keep the drama going for a few more weeks. But you’re guaranteed not to win. I’m usually harder on the females for doing this, because they’ve probably seen enough previous seasons to know this. The guys are a different story, because I don’t imagine they’ve seen every season. I mean what kind of loser guy would watch every season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette? Heh…. heh….

My mom's reaction when her coworker from Nigeria asks her "Why are all the  black people in America so lazy?" - GIF on Imgur

So naturally Tayshia goes to grab Chasen to ask him if he is fake and a phony like Ed says. I always love this move. What’s the goal here? Do you expect Chasen to be like, “Yeah, I am. I’m sorry. Total phony here.” Of course not. Rather Chasen hits us with the “I’m here for the right reasons” staple. Personally, I’ve grown to hate this line. Mainly because it shouldn’t have to be vocalized. But unfortunately, ABC created this monster of fast-tracking more Instagram influencers into the world, so people now have to say it… I guess?

Chasen then goes back to the rest of the guys and confront Ed for bad mouthing him to Tayshia. This argument naturally escalates more than it should. Hashtag testosterone. And Tayshia returns to give Ivan the rose. Who’s Ivan? I dunno. There’s still too many guys to remember names.

Click the right arrow for the Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony…


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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