Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

YouTube Unveiled Their Prices for NFL Sunday Ticket And You Can’t Even Afford To Look At Them

Yeah, no.

What the hell is this?

We just want some affordable out-of-market football, not guac added to our burrito bowl. Why you gotta make this so much more expensive than DirecTV?

Are you not making enough money from the :15 second ads I have to sit through before watching a compilation video of every f-bomb in Succession? Are times tight for the second most visited website (and now 5th biggest cable company) in the world? Bad enough you sponsor every major sport’s championship making commentators add the “NBA Finals presented by YouTube TV” and/or the “World Series powered by YouTube TV,” but now you’re going to charge us almost as much as a carton of eggs for some football? Pretty sure football is the country’s new pastime. How are we supposed to pass the time when we can’t even afford it?

Plus, this price doesn’t even offer you EVERY NFL game. You still need…

And don’t even hit me with that “It’s only $100 per month!” crap. Anyone coming to the defense of this can go ahead and punch yourself in the nose. Lemme guess, you stick up for big oil when gas prices rise. “Exxon Mobil has to cover their ass for the rising cost of gas barrels!” I bet you LOVE that a large soda and popcorn is only a dollar more than the $15 medium soda and popcorn at the movies. “It’s an economically sound business model if we’re being honest!” Hell, I’d be willing to bet you rooted on Martin Shkreli when he jacked up the price for pharmaceuticals 5000%. “It’s the golden rule! He who has the gold, makes the rules!” And don’t tell me these companies “have to raise their rates to keep with modern inflation rates.” First off, you’re a nerd. Second, Costco hasn’t raised the prices of their hot dog since F.D.R. was president and I’m pretty sure they’re not exactly hurting for business. Their lines on Saturdays will back me up. So screw YouTube TV and their big tech price jack. Bad enough that we have to pay for Twitter just to post long videos. Now this other social media turned cable company is making us take out a second mortgage to watch out-of-market football games? And this is AFTER they announced YouTube TV subscribers are getting a 12% price increase on their bill this year. Here’s a thought, big tech. Maybe don’t offer gourmet avocado toast to your employees in your company cafeteria every morning and that should allow you to hit us with some Costco hot dog prices.

Look, maybe we were too quick to rue DirecTV. Sure, they’ve held that Sunday Ticket monopoly since 1994. But we drove out that mom and pop for this new Wal-Mart, and suddenly the lyrics to that Counting Crows cover make so much more sense now. They truly did pave paradise and put up a parking lot. A parking lot that costs nearly $500 to park at.

DirecTV, we miss you.

(Oh, and enjoy the ads before this :11-second video!)


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.