Why Women Really Love Jocks
I don’t want to give away any real lady secrets, but I’m really tired of talking about LSU winning games and football coaches doing sketchy things. I thought about talking about the newest ESPN The Magazine cover, but I decided not to write a post dedicated to which baseball managers you should keep your bulldogs away from. Instead, I will expel the rumors about ladies loving athletes.
There is a current misconception that ladies have a special place in their hearts for athletes because they are in top physical shape and make piles of money. I want everyone to know that this is entirely true.
However, is not, in fact, the only case. There are reasons that have nothing to do with toned muscles and security.
1. They put the “social” in social events.
Have you ever taken your new boyfriend to a social function when he does some random job for some random place? Example conversation, say at a work holiday party:
The Lady: “Oh hi, Steve! This is my boyfriend Ross, and he is a Technology Sales Specialist at the Office Depot down the street.”
Work Guy: “Cool Ross, I like office supplies.”
Conversation over. There is no where to go after Technology Sales Specialist at the Office Depot down the street. Maybe he sells health insurance, maybe he approves the budget for the local nursing home, but guess what, that doesn’t fly at parties. Guess what does? Doctors. Teachers. Whale trainers. Sports stars.
I know it sounds crazy that girls want to date athletes because of parties, but it doesn’t stop at parties. It continues into every social gathering. Wedding receptions, movie nights, high school reunions, anywhere where we would have to introduce you into a new group of people. Try this at the same holiday party:
The Lady: “Oh hi, Steve! This is my boyfriend Ross, and he’s the kicker for the Detroit Lions.”
Work Guy: “WHHAAAaaaaaaaaat!! That is awesome! What is it like to have been a part of this great year for the Lions? Tell me every remotely interesting story from your job.”
And the conversation would go on and on and on all night. Instant success.
2. Have you ever needed to get the heck out of family function?
But you couldn’t because you had no good reason to ask to be excused from Aunt Carol’s famous ‘Things I’m Thankful For’ table time activities? Professional athletes can and will help you in these mildly painful situations. Why and how you ask? Because they know how to make and run plays. We yell Blue 42, Blue 42 during flag football and we have no idea what the even means, but pro athletes do. Not only do they know when and what plays to call, but they make it happen. If you know you are walking into a lions den, he is there to plan and execute an escape route. It will be more than the Garden State “ear tug” and it will leave you and the people you are ditching feeling better about what happened.
3. One Word: Seasonal.
Yes. If you’re dating or married to an athlete, you will wonder if you are dating anyone at all until their season is over. Then, there they are. All yours. Back to mowing the lawn. Back to taking out the garbage. Back to making fancy dinners and back to doing the dishes after said fancy dinner is devoured. Now, if you are dating someone that is a professional football player, you are going to enjoy this more than a pro baseball lady. Those guys are only off for three weeks, I think.
4. Lots of bros.
Instead of hos. As a woman, you want to see your guy with lots of guy friends. With your professional athlete of a man, this is built in. A bunch of guy friends. Just make sure to keep a cool front up around these guys. If they think you are lame and ugly, chances are that you are.
…And last, but certainly not least:
5. Secret Public signs of love.
One of the reasons that girls love Facebook is because when she has a boyfriend, the whole world can see how happy she is and she can make sure that the right pictures are up and that the right image is being displayed. Girls also love dating athletes because right after a big shot or right after a big hit or a big touchdown, if you are lucky enough, your guy will look up to where he thinks you are and he’ll do “the sign.” This is a predetermined sign that lets the rest of the audience know that you are special and that that guy knows it and not only does he know it, but he wants to make sure the world knows that he’s talking to somebody special in secret, but also in public. Girls eat that junk up.
I hope this gives the gentlemen (especially the good-at-sports gentlemen) out there a small glimpse into what helps us ladies decide on who the next eligible bachelor is and who we are going to invite to parties and to family occasions. I hope it helps the gentlemen out there to know that our love for athletes goes deeper then just to the tan and toned. But not much.
• • •
This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.
Follow The Ladies Room on Twitter: @KBLadiesRoom – Or follow Erin, TLR writer: @erinmcgown
As always, be sure to follow Korked Bats and our up-to-the-minute sports jokes: @korkedbats