I should start this blog by clarifying: I’m not an “NFL Division Guy.” In fact, I’m not sure anyone really is. Hell, I’m not even a college football “Conference Guy.” I legitimately hope every team in my alma mater’s conference loses every single week, including bowl season. But after 2 weeks into this NFL season of everyone clowning the AFC South as the “worst division since football was invented in the 1880s” or whatever, and then them doing what they did today, I have suddenly become the first ever NFL Division Guy. Now, keep in mind, I hate every franchise in my team’s division with the passion of 72 fiery suns. But if I can use them to clown other franchises, then you bet your ass I’m going to. Let’s start.
Ok. Now who here remembers this?
Man, that was classic, right? 1 win through two weeks? Man, the AFC South suuuuuuuucks, amirite?!
Well, how about this?
Oh, and this.
Oh, and don’t forget this.
Man, the Jaguars… the Jacksonville Jaguars of Duuuval County handed the Chargers a worse loss on the road than the Kansas City Chiefs did at home. Woof. That just has to add a little more sting to this punch in the mouth. But that’s what you gotta do, right? Isn’t this a prison rule? Go after the biggest, baddest guy in the prison and make ’em your bitch? Well, now the South is a barbed wire tattoo away from running the yard and making the Broncos smuggle in cigarettes for them.
So is the AFC South the NFL’s new “best division?” People are asking.
Plus, it should be noted that the AFC Best — sorry, Freudian slip, I meant West — is home to the only winless team in the NFL. Literally, no other division in football has an 0-3 team. But the AFC West does! McDaniels’ Raiders have produced less than McDonald’s ice cream.
But look, don’t beat yourself up, AFC West. Football is just what the south does. It’s their greatest export, alongside Waffle Houses, bourbon and Dolly Parton. To the AFC South, I guess it just means more.
Now sure, there are plenty more AFC West vs. AFC South matchups later this year, which could very well make me eat the every last word I’ve written here today. But I don’t live in the future, just like I don’t live in the past. I live in the present. And currently, in the present, the AFC South just pissed all over the AFC West. claiming its territory and turning the gold standard into a gold shower.