Who NOT To Start In Fantasy Football – Week 13

You can go just about anywhere on the World Wide Web to receive fantasy football advice for who you should start every week. ESPN, Yahoo, Better Homes and Gardens, literally anywhere! However, there is only one place on the World Wide Web where you can go to receive fantasy football advice of who you SHOULD NOT start every week. And that place is KorkedBats.com. You’re welcome.

Week 13

Man, can you believe we’re already to Week 13? Seems like just Wednesday we were wrapping up Week 12. Again, I have no idea how your fantasy football team is doing and I don’t want to assume, but if you’re clicking on a blog called Who NOT To Start, you’re probably in the basement of your league’s standings. Nothing wrong with that. Unless of course you have a weird bet with your league and have to go get a tattoo or volunteer at nursing home. Side note: why isn’t that latter punishment used more? I can’t think of anything I’d want to do less than wipe dribble off old people’s mouths as I spoon feed them soup. And yet, that punishment would be very nice volunteer work. More leagues should have changing old people’s diapers as their league punishment. Anyway, let’s get to who we should NOT start.

This week you should NOT start anyone on the San Francisco 49ers. Why? Because they’re no longer the San Francisco 49ers this year. They’re the Crashing On My Buddy’s Couch In Arizona 49ers right now. And who knows? That could change too. Have you ever crashed at a buddy’s house for an extended amount of time? You know like maybe during a move or after a break-up? It sucks. It’s not fun. You have to keep your suitcase in the corner of the room or maybe in a closet. Your buddy probably has one small blanket that doesn’t cover your toes, and if it does, then it only goes halfway up your chest. It’s awkward, and you end up spending most of the night cold and shifting to try and comfortable on the couch. Spoiler: you never get comfortable on the couch. Not to mention, he gets up before you everyday, so you wake up to him shuffling around in the attached kitchen.

That’s what the 49ers are dealing with since the county they play in put the “strict” in restriction. Because of the incredibly contagious virus that has plagued the planet this year (have you heard about it yet?), you are no longer allowed to play contact sports (breathe a sigh of relief, frisbee enthusiasts) in Santa Clara County where Levi’s Stadium is located. So naturally, the Niners had to find a new home, and the Cardinals apparently opened up theirs. Is it awkward? I’m sure. Two division rivals living together. Or maybe it’s more a time share thing. If that’s the case, I hope the Niners got a free HBO subscription, a jetski or something else sweet when they signed up. Otherwise, why would you get lured into a time share?

Anyway, don’t start a 49er this week. They’re probably all sore from the couch crashing.

Check out last week’s Who NOT To Start…