Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Who Not to Start – Fantasy Week 9

Who Not To Start – Week 9:
JaMarcus Russell

(Note: I almost had to change my mind after finding this fresh photo of JaMarcus. So fly.)

To be honest with you, I really could have chosen any Oakland Raider this week to feature for this week’s Korked Bats Who Not to Start. After passing on big name guys such as Rich Gannon, Marques Tuiasosopo, Lamont Jordan, and Jerry Rice, I decided to chose JaMarcus Russell after considering his 48 quarterback rating and 2:9 touchdown to interception ratio. I’m pretty sure I could throw Junior Floyd out there and get more favorable results.

If you haven’t picked up on the fact that the Raiders have a bye this week, they do. Don’t feel dumb though. You are just a normal person who doesn’t pay attention to this pathetic franchise. The unfortunate thing for the Raiders is that while they won’t have to battle an NFL team this week, they will instead be facing an even more frightening task by spending more time with this guy:

Raiders Head Coach and Resident Ninja, Tom Cable

As if getting beat nearly every game they play and an owner that makes Freddie Kruger look like the Walmart rollback smiley face, now guys, like JaMarcus Russell, who are unfortunate enough to call themselves Oakland Raider’s players must live in constant fear that they could be beaten at any time by their own coach, Tom Cable.

After physically beating three women followed by breaking Raider’s assistant Randy Hanson’s jaw (with what I can only assume a roundhouse kick to the face) it’s only logical that JaMarcus Russell is next.

Jokes aside, I wouldn’t blame Tom for punching JaMarcus if he showed up at the Raiders facility wearing this.

Even I get angry watching JaMarcus Russell attempt to be a quarterback, so I can’t imagine how Tom Cable with his John McEnroe-esque anger management skills hasn’t instgated a violent situation in Oakland.

It’s coming soon, I can feel it.

So don’t start JaMarcus this week because he’s not playing, he’s terrible, he wears ugly sweaters, he’s on the Raiders, his past two coaches have been Lane Kiffin & Tom Cable, and he’s probably going to get beat up soon.

I feel those are good enough reasons.

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