Where Are They Now? – 2014 NBA Finals

June 12, 2015June 12, 2015 Austin

Ever wonder what happened to the NBA superstars who competed for a world championship all the way back in 2014? Well, we’ve got your answer. Here’s what some of those players who made names for themselves in 2014’s NBA Finals are up to today.

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Tim Duncan

#21 – Center

He currently resides at the Pineview Grand Nursing Home, where he spends his time watching daytime television, forgetting his grandchildren’s names, and collecting unknown white stuff in the corners of his mouth.

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Matt Bonner

#15 – Forward/Center

While many are confused how Matt Bonner got into the NBA in the first place, Matt has become everyone’s favorite substitute teacher at Grove Oak High School. As kids come into class, Matt pops on a movie (most of the time Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer) and checks his Facebook for the entire hour. He never takes roll and let’s the students chew gum during class because he “thinks that’s a dumb rule to begin with.” He spends most of the day discussing the dynamics of the Wilco’s fourth album, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, with the really “artsy” students. Matt also always competes in the annual Teachers vs. Students basketball game where he averages 33 points, 14 rebounds, 8 blocks, and 3 concussed students per game.

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Manu Ginobili

#20 – Guard

Manu has retired from professional basketball to work as a clerk at a convenience store in Manhattan. Which convenient store you ask? Literally any of them. Even though Manu is from Argentina, he also does some contract work with the Russian mob, living out the life of basically any bad guy in a Jason Statham movie.

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Tony Parker

#9 – Guard

Il est sans doute la natation , le vélo avec un panier à l’avant , ou faire quelque chose d’autre peuple français le font . Classique Frenchie .

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Gregg Popovich

Head Coach

You’ll never believe this, but Gregg is actually still the head coach of the San Antonio Spurs. He’s also continues to develop frustrations towards everything and everyone around him.

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Norris Cole

#30 – Guard

Norris actually quit basketball altogether to begin a career in acting. After many failed auditions and reads, he was finally fortunate enough to land the role of Vince LaSalle in the hit TV series Recess.

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Chris “Birdman” Andersen

#11 – Forward/Center

Chris is hanging out by the front counter of a tattoo parlor, probably.

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Dwyane Wade

#3 – Guard

Unsurprisingly, Dwyane Wade failed to lead the Miami Heat to the playoffs this year without the help of LeBron James and a healthy Chris Bosh, leading Miami Heat fans (both of them) to wonder if Wade is as good as they thought, especially considering the only other ring he has without James/Bosh by his side was with Shaquille O’Neal by his side. And to stir controversy even more, citizens of Miami have started a petition to get Dwyane to change his name to the correct spelling of Dwayne.

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Greg Oden

#20 – Center

No matter when you’re reading this, he’s currently having knee and/or hip replacement surgery.

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Toney Douglas

#0 – Guard

I honestly had no idea this was a person. I have no idea where he is now. Skip this one.

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Chris Bosh

#1 – Forward/Center

Sadly Chris Bosh and everyone in his family are now extinct. Fortunately, however, you can still see his fossilized bones at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.

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Mario Chalmers

#15 – Guard

Mario passed away six months ago. R.I.P. Mario.

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Erik Spoelstra

Head Coach

With the free time he has during the NBA postseason, Erik finally finished up the 9th grade and is currently studying to take his driver’s test in the fall, when he turns 16. Odds are he is currently hanging around kids his own age at the community skate park. Erik doesn’t really ever skate, but he goes to hang out, hold a skateboard under his arm, and show off his latest BIG DOGS t-shirt that he got on vacation with his family.

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The Larry O’Brien Trophy

Trophy

It is being displayed in a trophy case somewhere and fortunately is no longer accompanying Mark Cuban at urinals anymore.

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James Jones

#22 – Guard/Forward

James Jones now plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers and has been highly touted for not only leading the Cavs to their first NBA Finals appearance since 2007, but for also appearing in 5 straight NBA Finals, a feat that hasn’t been achieved since 1966.* Many NBA fans and analysts are demanding for the league to allow current players to be inducted into the Hall of Fame, just so they don’t have to wait for Jones to retire to vote him in.

*-Also, LeBron James accomplished that feat this year too. But who cares, amirite?!

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