“We Want To Be Taken Seriously,” Says Bucs Head Coach While Playing In Stadium’s Pirate Ship
TAMPA BAY- The Tampa Bay Buccaneers announced they will be benching starting quarterback Josh Freeman in favor of rookie backup Mike Glennon, in a move head coach Greg Schiano is hoping will get the rest of the NFL to take the franchise more seriously.
“I made this move, because I don’t think the NFL takes our franchise seriously,” Schiano said swinging from the front end of the Raymond James Stadium’s pirate ship, dressed like a pirate. “Now if you don’t mind, please give me a moment to take care of something important.”
Schiano then counted to ten before shouting, “READY OR NOT! HERE I COME!”
The Buccaneers head coach proceeded to play hide-and-go-seek for 45 minutes with a handful of players and front office personnel.
“You can’t catch me!” Schiano shrieked, as well as a taunting, “Nana-nana-boo-boo!”
When Schiano was once again deemed as “it,” he angrily told everyone the game was over, and he continued his press conference.
When asked how he decided to start Glennon over Freeman, Schiano explained, “It was simple. I had them put their feet in the middle. And went , ‘Old King Tut had a big butt, and what color was it?’ I ended up with Mikey.”
“This is just a step to getting the Tampa Bay Buccaneers team and organization back to where we once were,” Schiano admitted. Schiano was then asked if he regretted taking the job as Buccaneers head coach.
“Listen, Rutgers offered me a special opportunity, and I’m grateful for it,” Schiano said. “Their mascot wore real-life knight’s armor. It was totally awesome! But I’m over knights. Knights are for babies. I’m on to pirates now!” Schiano said while pretending to shoot off the cannon, making explosion noises.
Schiano continued to answer questions while running and jumping all over the pirate ship, sword fighting the air. The head coach then cut his abnormal press conference short after tripping and scraping his knee. It was a “boo boo” that “hurt really really really bad,” he claimed fighting back tears. After applying an over-sized Blue’s Clues band-aid, Schiano spent the rest of the day in the stadium’s owners box watching Pirates of The Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides and downing six grape-flavored Mondo Fruit Squeezers.
Rookie quarterback Mike Glennon could not be found for comment. Seriously, his hiding spot was that good.
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