Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

We Now Know The Definitive Reason Why The Titans Lost To The Colts

The Titans lost to the Colts on Sunday. Many people want to pin this loss on Kristian Fulton’s inability to stop a nosebleed, some may pin it on Tim Kelly’s offense being inept whenever they cross their opponent’s 20-yard-line, and yet, some will try and pin it on Ryan Tannehill because, well, he breathed. But we’re here to tell you we’ve unearhed the reason the Titans lost. And it’s none of the above. Except maybe Kristian Fulton. The main reason the Titans lost didn’t even play a minute on the field (at least we don’t think so, you can never tell with the Colts’ roster construction over the last few years).

Now we know why Irsay decided to open the roof at Lucas Oil this past Sunday. You can’t contain an anthem this beautiful. Plus, those notes would’ve shattered their glass ceiling. If he was on The Voice, he would’ve had every judge’s chair spun around before he hit the second syllable of “TI-TANS!” In fact, I went into that song as a Titans fan, but now? Giddy up! I’m painting horseshoes on my cheeks as we speak. LET THE WORLD HEAR US NOW! It’s bad enough the Colts beat the Titans at football, but now Indianapolis is beating Nashville at it’s own game: music. I mean, how can the Titans overcome something like this absolute savagery? And with vocals like that?!

From the double thumbs up out the gate…

…to the self-hug.

The Titans were frankly D.O.A. the second this TikTok dropped. Step aside Mariah Carey, because this dude with the vocal renderings of William Hung and a garbage disposal is here to will his team to victory. This is our team! Go Colts! WE LOVE THEM!


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.