True Life: I’m Tim Tebow

If you’re anything like me, you woke up this morning and were shocked to hear that the Denver Broncos somehow defeated the New York Jets last night.  We’re all certainly due for 24 hours of non-stop Tebow talk, because let’s be honest, people can’t stop talking about him.  So here at Korked Bats we decided to help our beloved readers by giving you a list facts about Tim Tebow that you more than likely won’t hear through any other media outlet.

• Tim Tebow single handedly made planking old news.
• When life gave Tim Tebow lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade.
• After being defeated by the Broncos Tim Tebow, Mark Sanchez decided dating teenage girls maybe wasn’t the best idea (Successful conversion?  I think so).
• Tim Tebow was a more accurate passer in college than Peyton or Eli Manning.
• Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
• Tim Tebow encouraged Rex Ryan that whatever fetish he and his wife enjoyed, a healthy marriage is all that matters.
• Tim Tebow can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
• There is a law currently being considered in the Alabama legislature called “The Tim Tebow Bill.”
• It takes Tim Tebow 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• Tim Tebow got custom eye-black outlawed all by himself.
• Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.