Saturday, May 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Everyone’s Take On The Titans Win Over The Rams

How in the world did the Tennessee Titans beat the Los Angeles Rams on Sunday Night without Derrick Henry? Hell, how do they do ANYTHING without Derrick Henry? I know there’s a rumor floating around league circles claiming the franchise has 52 other people on their roster, but I don’t believe it. How?! And I don’t believe this team could’ve ever done anything competent without Derrick Henry being lined up in their backfield. For example, Ryan Tannehill completed a pass last night. Can you believe it? Because I can’t. Sure, he has the third-highest passer rating since taking over as starter in 2019 (behind only Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees – one of which is retired, the other is immunized) but that was all because of Derrick Henry, right? And yeah, since 2019, Tannehill leads the NFL in both 4th quarter comebacks and game-winning drives, but that’s all because of Derrick Henry too, right? Even though late in games Derrick isn’t getting the ball, and many times, isn’t even on the field. I mean, please. You mean to tell me Ryan Tannehill has somehow gotten better since leaving that quarterback whisperer Adam Gase in Miami? No way, Jose! It’s all because he has Derrick Henry in his backfield.

So the fact they won without him makes it all the more head-scratching. It’s almost as if they’re well-coached and have talented players at other positions which helped lead to their #1 AFC seed prior to Sunday. Lol, jk. Yeah right! We all know it was solely because of Derrick Henry.

I mean, the Titans even made tackles, forced turnovers and scored a defensive touchdown without Derrick Henry. Does anyone know how? Because I sure don’t. It’s almost as if this defense being good didn’t rely on #22 at all. Lol, again, yeah right! They clearly had to. I mean, we all know that the Tennessee Titans are nothing without Derrick Henry. We know this because it’s all anyone said since Monday morning of last week when the injury was announced. The Titans were done-cakes the minute Adam Schefter pressed send on that tweet. No way this team could have any success against anyone the rest of the way.

So let’s go ahead and chalk Sunday night up for what it was: a fluke. How else does a Derrick Henry-less Titans team win a game, let alone get off the bus. Derrick Henry is everything for that franchise. He’s their running back, their pass catcher, their pass thrower, their coach, their general manager, their trainer. Hell, Derrick runs payroll for the entire organization. He’s facility security, the color analyst on their radio broadcasts, and the team surgeon who operated on himself. Owner Amy Adams Strunk? Yup, just Derrick in a wig.

Derrick Henry isn’t just a Titan, the Titans are Derrick Henry. And without them, they’re done for. Without question. Plan the visitation, prepare the funeral arrangements, and start arguing over the will. Because the sans-Derrick Henry Tennessee Titans are DEAD.

(aside from the 28-16 drubbing of the previously 7-1 Los Angeles Rams)


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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