The Bengals Suck. Signed, A Steelers, Titans, And Eagles Fan
Three of the Bengals four wins/tie this year have come at the expense of the Steelers, Titans and Eagles. Well, it just so happens we have a Steelers fan, a Titans fan and an Eagles fan all writing for this site. So we wanted to all come together for a three-way… don’t get excited just yet, Earl Thomas… blog.
Consider this blog one of those break rooms for us. Our keyboards will be our proverbial sledge hammers and we’re just going to smash things, to let out some pent up frustration.
A Pittsburgh Steelers Fan: myself, A.D.
The Bengals did the unthinkable on Muppet Night Football. They upset my 14 point road favorite Steelers. Who only had to win the damn game against Ryan Finley (not even Joey f’in Burrow for Pete’s sake) and the now 3-10-1 Bungles. Sure, my fellow Korked Bats writers Austin and Gator lost… well the Eagles tied the Bengals but might as well be a loss for them… to this sorry franchise. I think I would feel better today if it was the Red Rifle Andy Dalton at the helm for the Jungle Cats. Austin and Gator think they have it bad playing the scrappy Bengals once every couple years, try playing them twice a year, every year. Yikes, my Steelers could be in for a long period of disappointment, considering the talent that seems to be amassing in the AFC North.
But to be honest, the game on Muppet Night Football was over, quite frankly, before the game even started. Literally the only motivation that the Bengals needed was provided by none other than the Tik Tok Star himself, JuJu Smith-Schuster. JuJu danced on the Bengals logo before the game with a sick song playing in the background, it was so cool! You should follow him on Tik Tok. And then this happened:
A Tennessee Titans Fan: Austin
Hey Bengals, you suck. I mean you kicked the Titans ass, but you suck. And I hate you for it. What you did was mean. Plus, watching noon kickoff games at Paul Brown Stadium after daylight savings time ends is the worst viewing experience in sports. Not only are you watching a Bengals game, but you’re also watching nothing but awkward shadows. Peter Pan thinks those shadows are annoying. Either draw some shades, or build a new stadium, because it’s annoying as hell.
Now look, the only solace I take in the Titans losing to the Bengals is at least they did it when Joe Burrow still had all of the ligaments in his knee attached. They didn’t fall to the hand of *checks notes* Ryan Finley?? Wow, embarrassing. Anyway, you suck Bengals. You’re only purpose in life is to ruin other people’s Sunday’s. Or Monday nights. Sorry, A.D.
A Philadelphia Eagles Fan: Gator
The Bengals did something worse to my team than beating them. They tied us. Philadelphia was in utter shock when the crappy Bengals came to town and decided they were going to ruin everyone’s Sunday afternoon. They say a tie is like kissing your sister, a gross expression that probably comes from the south. However it’s more like kissing your reflection in the mirror. Cold and lonely. Oh well, they’re not all bad though! I had them moneyline last night! Big win for the boys!
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Anyway, thank you for allowing us to do that. That was therapeutic. To any Bengals fans out there, we’re sorry.
We’re sorry you’re a Bengals fan! You suck!
