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Television Networks Near ESPN Benefit From Brett Favre

Though many frequent viewers of ESPN programming are irritated with the absurd abundance of Brett Favre related stories recently displayed, there are those who are, willingly and joyfully, reaping the benefits. Many television networks, particularly those whose numerical channel falls one channel away from that of ESPN, have reported recent spikes in viewers, spikes that coincide directly with the mention of Brett Favre, the Minnesota Vikings, or even the word “ageless.”

Michael Prowess, the Programming Director of WGN Local Networking in a few markets, noticed the trend increasing: “We fall one channel below ESPN numerically in a few of our markets. The other night our ratings jumped 5.6 points after ESPN began a story on the Best and Worst of Brett Favre. Apparently, people just want to change the channel when his name comes up. We were airing a Slap Chop infomercial at the time.”
Cassandra Robinson, avid sports fan and television enthusiast, said she immediately jumped ship, “[ESPN] mentioned retirement, and even though they were talking about horse racing, I knew where that word was leading the show.”
Robinson promptly smashed her Up button on the remote, switching her to FOX Sports HD Networking, which was currently off the air. “I didn’t care what it was,” she responded, “those colored bars and that eternal ringing were both welcomed by my Brett Favre flooded senses.”
Aside from regular programming, ESPN has reported a noticeable decrease in viewership directly following any Wranglers Jeans commercial. When reached for comment, ESPN responded, “Those commercials are timeless, ageless wonders. They keep getting better every year, and we’ll continue to show new ones each time they change, no matter how minuscule or worthless the change may seem to the public.”
-Kyle Ayers

Kyle

Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.

Kyle

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