Tebow/Sandwich Time
Ladies, I’ve heard you talking non stop about Tim Tebow. Yes. Well, your dreams are coming true. You can have a piece of the Tebow. The Teebs. (Like the Beebs, but for Tim.) The Te-bow-chicka-wow-wow! (Sorry.) I have heard that people were scared that the innocent and kind and pure Tim Tebow would be laughed out of New York City. Instead, they’ve made him into a sandwich.
Thank you, Carnegie Deli, in New York. for bringing Tebow Mania into a new, weird place. Now a lady can walk up and order a twenty dollar sandwich with 16 pounds of meat on it. Do what you want with that.
Word on the street internet is that this sandwich is called THE JETBOW. Well, that name doesn’t make any sense. So, I have copyrighted a few of my own Tim Tebow sandwich names and descriptions, so take that Carnegie Deli. You are going to want to call me. You are also going to want to buy one of these awesome names.
The Tim Teboa-Constrictor
This is the sandwich that you have to eat in one gigantic bite and then be good to go for two to three months. And by good to go, I mean, most-likely unable to poop, but also not hungry. Feel free to eat one along side of Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube.
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The Take A Knee-bow
This is that sandwich that is blessed with prayer. After you score a touchdown. That’s part of the sandwich, though. You have to get a small two-hand touch football game together in the back of the restaurant. You then have to score a TD. Then you have to pray.
THEN you get your sandwich.
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The Tiny Tim Tebow
This is a sandwich for the tiniest of people.
(coughDarrenSprolescough)
Maybe frailest of people.
(coughBobSanderscough)
It’s main ingredients are porridge and tears.
After you finish the sandwich, you are required to say, “God Bless us, everyone.”
• • •
The T-Bone
This is actually not on the menu at all. He’s a gentleman.
and…
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The Tim (Sorry Mark Sanchez) Tebow
This is actually a sandwich that you are not allowed to get for yourself, but a sandwich that is to be given to the person you just beat out for a job promotion. Your boyfriend’s ex-gf that gained a lot of weight in the last couple of months. This is for the person in your life that you don’t mean to be better than, but it just seems to always happen that way. And maybe not because of mere talent, but because America just likes you better. Or because of your blue-green eyes.
• • •
I will be coming up with a LOT more sandwich ideas soon. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. At least we all know the secret now.
Also, I promise to stop writing about Tim Tebow. #probablynottrue #teebs
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This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.
Follow The Ladies Room on Twitter: @KBLadiesRoom – Or follow Erin, TLR writer: @erinmcgown
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