Some would say: “Kenny, you’re getting too old to enjoy raunchy, teenage-comedies.” They aren’t necessarily wrong, but I still have yet to grow out of them I guess. If I can be frank for a moment however, ‘Bottoms’ from director Emma Seligman is on a whole other-level. I was expecting to get another ‘Superbad’ from a different perspective (like 2019’s ‘Booksmart’) but instead got an unhinged, take-no-prisoners, teenage masterpiece. I can’t recommend it enough.

So, if you’re on the fence about whether or not to check out ‘Bottoms’ here are 3 Big Things you should consider.

1. Marshawn Lynch is a national treasure

We’re a sports blogsite, let’s start with the sports stuff. There’s an unwritten rule in Hollywood and it goes as follows: “Cast Marshawn in your movie, Let him be Marshawn, and success will follow.” No where is that more evident than in ‘Bottoms’. Marshawn plays the role of teacher/mentor in a way that it has never been played before. He is genuinely one of the funniest human beings alive, and is a natural at getting laughs when the camera is on him. Enough of the supporting man B.S. though…get this man his own movie.

2. This is Gen-Z’s ‘Wet Hot American Summer’

‘Bottoms’ is an unapologetic satire and that’s truly what sets it apart from the rest of the teen-movie genre. However, it isn’t just pure spoof. It executes on a wholly original story concept: Rachel Sennot & Ayo Edebiri’s characters start an all-female fight club in order to hopefully hook-up with two of their school’s popular cheerleaders. A crazy concept in and of itself, but then it’s accentuated with over-the-top characters and absurd violence–all under the supervision of the teachers and administration. It’s on a level I haven’t seen since 2001’s ‘Wet Hot American Summer’. Different contexts, but the same sort of enthusiasm in it’s absurdity.

3. A needle-drop for the ages

I don’t want to dig too much into this point as I don’t want to get too spoilery, but ‘Bottoms’ has one of the most enjoyable needle-drop sequences of recent memory. You can never go wrong putting Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” in your film, but the sequence it’s used for in the film had my crying. Not even necessarily from laughter (although I was howling), but because it’s so perfectly utilized to accentuate the moment. I’ll leave it at that–you just gotta see the movie to get my point.

VERDICT

‘Bottoms’ will be quotable for Gen-Z in the way that ‘Mean Girls’ or ‘Superbad’ was for us millennials. In my opinion though it stands a little bit taller due to it’s willingness to take some absurd risks that really pay off. Even if you think you’re too old to be checking out teenage sex-comedies, this one is worth your time.

4.5/5 Swedish Fish

So what do you think? Be sure to holler at us on Twitter (@korkedbats; @thecineboiz) and Instagram (@korkedbats; @thecineboiz)

Also, be sure to follow Korked Bats on YouTube and subscribe to The CineBoiz Podcast wherever podcasts are found!

The post 3 Big Things on ‘Bottoms’ — A SPOILER-FREE Review appeared first on Korked Bats.

Butters yelled “Santonio!!!” to which he turned around and acknowledged us. We both looked at each other and laughed and agreed that no one is going to believe us when we tell them about this–mainly because Butters is commonly caught with his foot in his mouth. BUT I can vouch for him, this absolutely happened. With that being said, this got me thinking about all of the other unbelievable encounters I have had with athletes/celebrities. Let me share some. 

Patrick Ewing 

After a long night out on the town in the Big Apple, my friend and I began our journey back to North Jersey where he lived, by walking across the George Washington bridge to Fort Lee. After trudging 4,760 feet across that bridge while still very drunk, we came across a Rite Aid that was calling both of our names. As I sprinted (stumbled) toward the door shouting for Gatorade, I nearly collided with the largest person I have ever seen in my life. I gathered myself to look up and apologize to this man, and when I saw his face I was stunned. 

There was no way in hell I was looking at Patrick Ewing in the middle of a Rite Aid doorway, in some random shopping center in North Jersey. I attributed it to my blackedoutness (maybe brownedoutness at this point). Somehow I mustered out the words, “Sorry Mr. Ewing.” He grunted and nodded, and his wife, who was standing next to him, just shook her head and started laughing. I’m assuming they smelled the tequila radiating from my pores. Anyway, thanks for the memories, Pat!

Rhys Hoskins 

I ran into Rhys at a lovely Olde City (Philly) establishment, Buffalo Billiards. When I say I ran into him, my friend Steve and I drunkenly forced ourselves on him while he was playing darts with some buddies. From what I remember, Steve and I just kept saying “Dude” to him and telling him how awesome he was (yes, I hate myself too). Rhys wasn’t very fun, and we were offended by it. Looking back on it though, he was in the midst of an awful slump and the last thing he wanted to see was two idiots stumbling toward him while he’s just trying to drink away his sorrows and throw sharp pencils with feathers on them into the wall. Sorry, Rhys. 

Malcolm Jenkins 

As a real estate agent by trade, your contact info is all over the internet, so you never know who is going to reach out to you. One day a woman contacted me about looking for a rental property, so I figured out what she was looking for and set her up with a handful of showings. When the day came to go see the properties I got a call from her telling me that I would not be meeting with her, but rather with her client. I was a little confused because she hadn’t mentioned this before. She goes on to tell me his name is Malcolm and gives me his number, and tells me to give him a call when I get to the first house. Upon arrival, I called the number she gave me and the voice on the other end sounded extremely familiar. He tells me he’s here and gets out of the fully tinted Tesla that I happened to be parked next to—holy sh*t that’s Malcolm Jenkins. I am a diehard Eagles fan, and we had just won the Super Bowl. My mind was exploding. Typically when you meet a client, or any other human, for the first time, you introduce yourself. Nope. Not me. All I ended up doing was sticking my hand out and saying, “Thank you.” He was definitely confused at first but then looked down to see the Eagles logo on my polo, then smiled and laughed. ICYWW, yes, I did end up finding him a house. 

Marshawn Lynch 

This is hands down the weirdest and most unbelievable encounter I’ve ever had. Which I’m sure is what most people say after meeting Beast Mode. I was walking home one day in the Northern Liberties section of Philadelphia, down North 2nd Street. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this street, it’s very busy with shops and restaurants with cars constantly driving down it. As I head down the street, I can see in the distance two guys walking in the middle of the street carrying large duffel bags. J-walking in Philly is a birthright, but something about this was different. The two men got closer and I got a better look at them. Both were extremely strong looking individuals, and one of them was very familiar looking. I had seen those dreads before. I had seen those massive gold Dre Beats before. I had seen that face before. I knew exactly who it was. When I got to be within earshot of them I yelled, “Marshawwwwnnnn!!!” Yep. It was him alright. The glare he gave me sent chills down my spine. He looked at me like I was a bag of Skittles he wanted to tear to shreds. My excitement quickly turned to fear as I began to power walk away. I couldn’t believe that just happened. Why would Marshawn be in my neighborhood on a random afternoon? Turns out he was in town to see a specialist for one of his injuries. My advice to you all–if you ever run into Marshawn Lynch, don’t yell his name in public, unless you want to shit your pants (OBJ might be into that sort of thing, but I’m not). 

Bryce Harper

Marshawn may have been the weirdest encounter I have ever had with a public figure, but this one was my favorite. The best part– KB’s own Gator Flint is at the center of it. Back in 2015 when Bryce was still on the Nationals, and Gator Flint and I still lived in Pittsburgh, the Nats were in town to play the Pirates. One morning we ventured down to the South Side to eat at Waffles Incaffeinated, a local breakfast spot. As we entered, a couple was exiting at the same time. Guess who? Bryce and his now wife, Kay. Gator being the Philly fan he is, stopped Bryce and proceeded to put a curse on him (any good Philadelphian would’ve done the same)–telling him that Washington is going to lose every game for the rest of the season! At the time the Nats were battling the Mets for first place in the NL East, and were looking like they were headed to the playoffs. Fast forward to the end of September, and Bryce and Co. were on the outside looking in, after an epic collapse at the end of the season. Is Gator Flint to blame? Probably. What else could it be? Regardless, what truly matters is that Bryce is in his true home now, and the curse has been broken (as long as he remains here). If anything can be learned from this though–don’t cross Gator.

AJ McLean 

This one is for all of you ’90s babies out there. When I was 8-years-old, my family took a trip to Disney World for my sister’s 5th birthday (yes, I know, 5-year-olds don’t remember shit, what a waste of money). We ended up stopping at some gas station in Orlando. I went into the convenience store to grab some snacks and the cashier said to me, “Hey kid, do you like the Backstreet Boys?” Um, yes, I [BLEEP]ING LOVE the Backstreet Boys (I had to censor myself because again, I was 8 and on a family vacation). But this was the year 2000 and life was good. He points out the window to one of the gas pumps where a man was filling up his Mercedes and says, “There goes one of em’ right now.” It was AJ, the edgy one with tattoos that all of the future emo kids loved. I ran and told my parents and my dad went over and asked if I could take a photo with him. 

I know, I know. My Mickey Mouse visor and Sketchers are fire.

Andre 3000

While Mr. 3000 (no, not Bernie Mack, RIP in peace) is mainly known for being one half of the super duo, Outkast, Andre Benjamin (yes I was shocked too when I learned his last name isn’t actually 3000) has taken up acting since Outkast has been on an indefinite hiatus. His most recent work was starring in Jason Segel’s new TV show Dispatches From Elsewhere, which was filmed in Philadelphia. One afternoon I was in Chinatown with a couple friends of mine at a restaurant, and we were seated near the window along the sidewalk. As we were waiting for our meal, I happened to look out the window and see someone that looked an awful lot like Andre 3000 playing a flute. Yes, it’s as absurd as it sounds. As the man approached our window I pulled out my phone because it was, in fact, Andre 3000 playing a flute. He saw me filming and stopped in front of our window and just stared, continuing to play, only to follow that up by flipping us the bird. We all lost it and I was so taken aback that I lost the video (I know, how convenient). If you don’t believe me though, here are some other videos that capture this legend in action.

So there you have it. Some of my favorite celebrity encounters. Hit us with yours in the comments. If you want. Or don’t. I don’t care.

This post was written by Hubb. Follow him on IG: @erikemeryhubbard

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Check out The Junk Drawers episode on sharing celebrity encounter stories…

The post Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us! Celebrity Encounter Stories Are The Best & Here Are Mine appeared first on Korked Bats.

That’s right. Marshawn is back. Which is great news for football fans and fans of short press conferences alike.

In fact, here is Marshawn Lynch’s complete press conference announcing his return.

Incredible.

Anyway, here’s this week’s Things I Like all about Marshawn Lynch.

Still love you too, Bartolo Colon.

The post Things I Like (This Week): Marshawn Lynch appeared first on Korked Bats.

[dropcap] W [/dropcap] hat’s the dad bod? It’s a body that shows you workout… sometimes, but lounge around doing nothing the rest of the time. It’s not fat, but it’s definitely not skinny. It’s like the Cincinnati Bengals of bodies.

.

Kind of good, but mostly not. It’s basically a body that says, “I workout sometimes, but eat pizza the rest of the time,” or “I do my best to stay in shape, with that shape being a rectangle with rounded edges,” or even “Don’t make me turn this car around.” “Do you want to be grounded?” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t tell your mother.” “Do what your mother says.” “You’re not going out dressed like that.” “Nobody said life is supposed to be fair.” “Has anyone seen my plaid cargo shorts?!” and other things dads say!

With that said, there are a lot of dad bods in the world of sports. So we took it upon ourselves to sift through thousands of Google images of chubby athletess with their shirts off to provide you the definitive ranking of the 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports. Enjoy… but not too much, because it’s kind of gross.

You can click on the images below for a closer look, but you shouldn’t.

20. Andy Roddick

He’s not fat. It just looks like his skin is a wetsuit that’s three sizes too large. Flabby skin with no definition = total dad bod.

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19. Marshawn Lynch

Marshawn Lynch is just here so he won’t get fat. He’s just about that dad bod, boss.

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18. Brian Scalabrine

Who would’ve guessed Brian Scalabrine had a dad bod under his jersey? Answer: Everybody. Everybody would’ve guessed that.

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17. Charles Barkley

Old school Charles Barkley had the ultimate dad bod. Today’s Charles Barkley has the ultimate mom bod. (Read: he now has saggy boobs.)

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16. Andrew Bynum

His shoulders are somewhat defined, which clearly says, “I workout three days a week.” However, the rest of his body is not defines, which says, “I eat junk food four days a week.”

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15. Hulk Hogan

More like Dad Bod Hogan, amirite? Sorry, that was a dad joke.

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14. Tom Brady

For Tom Brady and his diet, everyday is a cheat day.

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13. Boris Diaw

Those aren’t necessarily washboard abs as much as they are Tempur-Pedic pillow abs.

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12. Nick Punto

Nick Punto already has the dad bod of names, so it only makes sense that he has an actual dad bod too. Thank you to the St. Louis Cardinals for ripping off his jersey to prove his dad bod status to us.

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11. Aaron Rodgers

Compared to most men from Green Bay, Wisconsin, Aaron Rodgers is considered to have the body of a Greek God.

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10. Peyton Manning

Nevermind the fact that Peyton Manning has the Curtis Painter of bodies… Wearing your shirt in the pool when your over the age of 14 and/or not enrolled in fat camp is automatic grounds for dad bod status, regardless of what your body looks like.

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9. Jameis Winston

For a guy who won the National Championship in the Rose Bowl, he has the body of the Belk Bowl.

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8. Joe Montana

This actually seems like the body-type a Sketchers Shape-Ups endorser would have.

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7. Matthew Stafford

Probably the only ranking in the history of the world where Matthew Stafford would rank higher than Joe Montana.

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6. Magic Johnson

Regardless of what Magic Johnson’s body looks like, this photo of him laughing at something Tom Arnold is saying proves he is a dad bod at heart.

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5. JaMarcus Russell

Look at those man boobs. JaMarcus Russell is a bust with a bust.

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4. Hyun Jin Ryu

Nevermind the fact that he looks like the little kid from UP, Hyun Jin Ryu and his tan-lines provide for the perfect dad bod. Fun Fact: Google Translator told me that “Hyun Jin Ryu” is Korean for The Squishy Dodger.

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3. Pete Rose

Keep in mind, this picture was taken during the prime of Pete Rose’s career, when his body was in peak physical condition. Also, his hairiness obviously helped in his dad bod ranking.

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2. Steve Spurrier

This former Heisman Trophy winner would be a finalist for the Dad Bod Heisman Trophy, which would rightfully be called the Hellmann’s Trophy.

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1. Eli Manning

And the best dad bod in sports goes to Eli Manning. If Eli Manning’s body was a football play, it would be a 6-yard hitch route on 3rd and 9. His body simultaneously says both, “I’ve been married for years,” and “I’m the quarterback for the New York Giants.” So basically, it says, “I’ve given up.”

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Leave a comment below with any that you think we missed.

The post The 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports appeared first on Korked Bats.

Fresh off Birdman’s 2015 Best Picture Oscar, the trailer for next year’s Best Picture winner has already been released. That’s it. Hollywood, go ahead and take the year off. We already know which film will win all of the gold statues next year. This movie is the Beautiful Mind, The King’s Speech, and Ben-Hur of movies completely funded by and starring an NFL running back. It’s Boyhood meets Boyz n the Hood. Seattle Seahawks running back and final play of the Super Bowl pass-blocker Marshawn Lynch stars as Marshawn Lynch in Family First: The Marshawn Lynch Story. This film chronicles Beast Mode’s journey to the NFL through high school and college football, his various run-ins with the law, and scenes of him hitting on women in clubs. But mostly it’s just scenes of him hitting on women in clubs. It’s a true coming-of-age film that has critics raving, saying things like, “I saw it six times and I still don’t know what it’s about,” and “It’s fun for the whole family, as long as you don’t care about your family,” and “I’ll wait until it comes out on Redbox to not watch this movie.” Critics unanimously agree that this movie makes Troll 2 look like Godfather 2.

The football scenes and action in this movie are almost as real as the football action in the Pro Bowl. This movie has it all. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll turn to the person next you and ask, “Wait, what did he just say? He keeps mumbling.” Don’t bother seeing this movie at the midnight showing on IMAX, because it’s already sold out nationwide. Apologies to Jurassic World, Terminator: Genesys, Star Wars: Episode 7, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Mission Impossible 5, Magic Mike XXL, and literally every other movie coming out this year, but the most anticipated movie of 2015 is Family First: The Marshawn Lynch Story, a movie that was probably shot and edited entirely on an iPad. Seahawks head coach Peter Carroll says, “I’ve seen it, it’s perfect. Well, almost perfect. Personally, I would’ve made a last minute decision to go with Ricardo Lockette for the lead role.”

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post A Movie Review of Marshawn Lynch’s New Film, “Family First” appeared first on Korked Bats.

Conan should conduct all Marshawn Lynch interviews for the rest of time.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Conan O’Brien Hanging With Marshawn Lynch & Rob Gronkowski is the Funniest Thing of the NFL Season appeared first on Korked Bats.

Gamblers are  always looking to blow some money on the outcome of the Super Bowl. Degenerate gamblers are always looking to blow all of their money on outcomes during the Super Bowl. تعلم اسرار الروليت The latter do so with random prop bets. Vegas lists odds for things that go on during the game to give the extreme gamblers even more to gamble on.

However, we discovered a list of prop bets that are lesser known to the general public. For your betting convenience, we’ve listed them below:

1. Length of the Super Bowl Pre-Game Show

OVER/UNDER: 16.5 hours

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2. Will this year’s GoDaddy Commercial be funny?

NO/NO

3. Number of touchdowns Marshawn Lynch will score in the game.

OVER/UNDER: 2

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4. Number of words Marshawn Lynch will say in postgame interviews.

OVER/UNDER: 2

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5. Number of footballs the Patriots will deflate this time.

OVER/UNDER: 12 out of 12

6. Number of players on the field at one time.

OVER/UNDER: 22

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7. What will Katy Perry wear during her halftime performance? مواقع تربح منها المال

DAISY DUKES/BIKINIS ON TOP

8. Length of Snoop Dogg’s appearance during Katy Perry’s halftime performance.

OVER/UNDER: 4:20 minutes

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9. Number of times the actual football game is mentioned amongst the day-long DeflateGate talk.

OVER/UNDER: 3

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10. Number of people at your Super Bowl party who will say “Oh, that’s cute,” after the Budweiser puppy commercial.

OVER/UNDER: Everyone.

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11. Time it will take Idina Menzel to sing the U.S. National Anthem.

OVER/UNDER: 2 minutes and 30 seconds

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12. Number of people who will attempt to kill Idina Menzel if she sings “Let It Go” one more time.

OVER/UNDER: Every parent ever.

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13. Number of packs of gum Pete Carroll will chew during the game.

OVER/UNDER: 9

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14. Number of players Bill Belichick will chew out during the game.

OVER/UNDER: 53

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15. If Katy Perry kisses a girl during her halftime show, will she like it?

YES/NO

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16. Who will win the Puppy Bowl?

NEW ENGLAND PAWTRIOTS/SEATTLE FLEAHAWKS

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17. Number of times your wife/girlfriend will say, “So wait, tell me again about that whole DeflateGate thing.”

OVER/UNDER: 23

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18. Number of times you won’t answer because, “Babe, the game is on.”

OVER/UNDER: 23

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19. Number of people other than Tom Brady that Gisele will blame if the Patriots lose.

OVER/UNDER: 52

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20. Number of teenagers who will ask “Why is Cinna there?” when Lenny Kravitz shows up during the halftime show.

OVER/UNDER: All of them

21. What will Rob Gronkowski have more of during the game?

RECEPTIONS/BEERS

22. Number of actual layers in Susan’s famous Big Game Secret Recipe 7-Layer Dip.

OVER/UNDER: 5

(You’re such a liar, Susan.)

23. What will Bob Costas’ halftime oral essay be about?

POLITICS/RELIGION/ABORTION

24. How will Michael Bennett get to the game? المراهنة على المباريات

HUFFY/TREK

25. Number of times someone will stand in your view of the TV screen at your Super Bowl party.

OVER/UNDER: “FRIGGIN’ MOVE ALREADY, GARY!”

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post 25 Lesser Known Prop Bets appeared first on Korked Bats.

PHOENIX, AZ —

“I just always have to go pee-pee real bad, boss,” Marshawn Lynch said during Super Bowl Media Day. “I ain’t tryin’ to grab my junk out of disrespect. I just drink a lot of juice boxes before games, boss.”

“He’s definitely just holding himself so he doesn’t pee everywhere,” Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson confirmed. “We see it all the time in the huddle. Marshawn will kind of be dancing in place while holding his crotch. I’ll ask him, ‘Do you need to go pee-pee?’ and he would say, ‘Yeah, real bad, boss,’ and I’d ask, ‘Can you hold it until after this play?’ and he would sort of shrug. We’d call the play, and almost every time, he would pull off some incredible run for a touchdown. I guess just so he could go to the bathroom.” It was on these plays that Marshawn Lynch would grab his crotch as he crossed the goal line.

Although, sometimes Marshawn Lynch wouldn’t be so lucky. “He’s wet himself a couple of times,” Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll admitted. During a game against the Denver Broncos, Marshawn couldn’t hold it any longer and just relieved himself. “He pretty much sat by himself on the bench the rest of the game,” Carroll added. Other members of the team mentioned that Marshawn’s nickname around the building is “Marshawn Pinch” since he’s so obvious whenever he has to relieve himself.

“I can totally relate. When you gotta go, you gotta go!” an unnamed Patriots locker room attendant said, while carrying game balls out to the field.

The NFL has said claimed they will assess this new information, and come to a new conclusion regarding his previous fines for performing a “lewd act.” Which probably means they’ll address this never.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has already hinted that the NFL may give back Lynch’s fines.

“Honestly, we’re just surprised he put together complete sentences,” Goodell said. “That alone is reason enough to give him back his money.”

However, given the NFL’s obsession with money and carelessness toward players’ safety, the league will probably keep Lynch’s fine money and remove all bathrooms from stadium locker rooms.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post REPORT: Marshawn Lynch Just Really Needs To Go Pee-Pee During Games appeared first on Korked Bats.

Basically, be expecting a $200,000 fine EACH for Sherman, Baldwin, AND the cardboard cutout.

In all honesty, that cardboard cutout said more to the media in this video than Marshawn Lynch ever has.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Richard Sherman Mocks The NFL In Press Conference [VIDEO] appeared first on Korked Bats.

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They’ll hand out 100 Grand to just about anyone. Although, when all is said and done, they’re usually stuck eating it. لعبة مباشر

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He’ll drop some right in your bag.

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Head injuries.

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Too soon?

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Be careful, they usually go stale in October.

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“Gimme a break! Gimme a break!”

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However, he only has “Fun Size” and can only give one.

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Did you guys know he went to Harvard?

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The Big Ten Conference is great for supplying cupcakes. Just look on their schedules. Or just look in Brady Hoke’s pantry.

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At least that’s what he wants us all to believe.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post What Candy Your Favorite Athletes Hand Out For Halloween appeared first on Korked Bats.