2015 is the year of the Dad Bod.
[dropcap] W [/dropcap] hat’s the dad bod? It’s a body that shows you workout… sometimes, but lounge around doing nothing the rest of the time. It’s not fat, but it’s definitely not skinny. It’s like the Cincinnati Bengals of bodies.
Kind of good, but mostly not. It’s basically a body that says, “I workout sometimes, but eat pizza the rest of the time,” or “I do my best to stay in shape, with that shape being a rectangle with rounded edges,” or even “Don’t make me turn this car around.” “Do you want to be grounded?” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t tell your mother.” “Do what your mother says.” “You’re not going out dressed like that.” “Nobody said life is supposed to be fair.” “Has anyone seen my plaid cargo shorts?!” and other things dads say!
With that said, there are a lot of dad bods in the world of sports. So we took it upon ourselves to sift through thousands of Google images of chubby athletess with their shirts off to provide you the definitive ranking of the 20 Best Dad Bods In Sports. Enjoy… but not too much, because it’s kind of gross.
You can click on the images below for a closer look, but you shouldn’t.
20. Andy Roddick
He’s not fat. It just looks like his skin is a wetsuit that’s three sizes too large. Flabby skin with no definition = total dad bod.
19. Marshawn Lynch
Marshawn Lynch is just here so he won’t get fat. He’s just about that dad bod, boss.
18. Brian Scalabrine
Who would’ve guessed Brian Scalabrine had a dad bod under his jersey? Answer: Everybody. Everybody would’ve guessed that.
17. Charles Barkley
Old school Charles Barkley had the ultimate dad bod. Today’s Charles Barkley has the ultimate mom bod. (Read: he now has saggy boobs.)
16. Andrew Bynum
His shoulders are somewhat defined, which clearly says, “I workout three days a week.” However, the rest of his body is not defines, which says, “I eat junk food four days a week.”
15. Hulk Hogan
More like Dad Bod Hogan, amirite? Sorry, that was a dad joke.
14. Tom Brady
For Tom Brady and his diet, everyday is a cheat day.
13. Boris Diaw
Those aren’t necessarily washboard abs as much as they are Tempur-Pedic pillow abs.
12. Nick Punto
Nick Punto already has the dad bod of names, so it only makes sense that he has an actual dad bod too. Thank you to the St. Louis Cardinals for ripping off his jersey to prove his dad bod status to us.
11. Aaron Rodgers
Compared to most men from Green Bay, Wisconsin, Aaron Rodgers is considered to have the body of a Greek God.
10. Peyton Manning
Nevermind the fact that Peyton Manning has the Curtis Painter of bodies… Wearing your shirt in the pool when your over the age of 14 and/or not enrolled in fat camp is automatic grounds for dad bod status, regardless of what your body looks like.
9. Jameis Winston
For a guy who won the National Championship in the Rose Bowl, he has the body of the Belk Bowl.
8. Joe Montana
This actually seems like the body-type a Sketchers Shape-Ups endorser would have.
7. Matthew Stafford
Probably the only ranking in the history of the world where Matthew Stafford would rank higher than Joe Montana.
6. Magic Johnson
Regardless of what Magic Johnson’s body looks like, this photo of him laughing at something Tom Arnold is saying proves he is a dad bod at heart.
5. JaMarcus Russell
Look at those man boobs. JaMarcus Russell is a bust with a bust.
4. Hyun Jin Ryu
Nevermind the fact that he looks like the little kid from UP, Hyun Jin Ryu and his tan-lines provide for the perfect dad bod. Fun Fact: Google Translator told me that “Hyun Jin Ryu” is Korean for The Squishy Dodger.
3. Pete Rose
Keep in mind, this picture was taken during the prime of Pete Rose’s career, when his body was in peak physical condition. Also, his hairiness obviously helped in his dad bod ranking.
2. Steve Spurrier
This former Heisman Trophy winner would be a finalist for the Dad Bod Heisman Trophy, which would rightfully be called the Hellmann’s Trophy.
1. Eli Manning
And the best dad bod in sports goes to Eli Manning. If Eli Manning’s body was a football play, it would be a 6-yard hitch route on 3rd and 9. His body simultaneously says both, “I’ve been married for years,” and “I’m the quarterback for the New York Giants.” So basically, it says, “I’ve given up.”
Leave a comment below with any that you think we missed.