The Madden ’22 ratings for running backs came out this week and Derrick Henry wasn’t in the coveted 99 Club. Nor was he the top-rated running back in the game.

Think about that.

The league leader in RUSHING for the past TWO seasons. One of EIGHT guys in the history of the National Football League to rush for 2,000 yards in a season. A man who has body bagged more guys on the field than Aaron Hernandez has off of it.

What more does this guy have to do to be respected? What more does he have to do for people to admit that he is the best running back in the sport? What more does he have to do to be recognized as one of the best players in the sport? Not running backs. Players.

It’s just ironic how the only running back in the sport who literally puts up video game numbers on the field, can’t get the best video game ratings off the field. Do better, Madden.

Then again, what else should we expect from a franchise that hasn’t changed a damn thing in over half-a-decade.

So this week on our weekly hit on 3HL (104.5 The Zone in Nashville), we decided to defend the King. I mean, hell, we wouldn’t be The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet if we didn’t.

The post EA Sports Disrespected Derrick Henry With Their Madden Ratings And We Will Not Stand For It appeared first on Korked Bats.

We all know the joke. Every year Madden comes out with a brand new game that’s exactly the same. There’s no difference other than the price tag.

Graphics are the same. Gameplay is the same. Game modes are the same. Every year it’s a fresh coat of paint on boring-ass wall. I’d say it’s lipstick on a pig, but even pigs wearing lipstick look better than every year’s brand new Madden game.

Especially considering what they did to Derrick Henry.

This has to be a joke, right? Derrick Henry, the only running back in the league who rivals the size of Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP in peace), has been given the arms of a malnourished prisoner.

I’ve seen stick figures with bigger biceps than those things. Michelle Obama’s arms are more defined than that.

Even Derrick in that screengrab is looking at his puny arms like, “What the hell?! You mean to tell me I spent an entire offseason doing bosu ball-Flava Flav chain-pushups for THIS?!” Like have the game designers of Madden ever even seen a football game? Because they clearly haven’t seen his offseason workout videos.

This is how we see Derrick Henry:

Hell, this is how OLD SPICE sees Derrick Henry:

And this is how those doofuses over at Madden see him:

I mean, c’mon EA Sports. How are you gonna do him like that? It’s not like this is a recent glow-up. The man has always been huge. He’s always been the biggest man on the field. Hell, this was him in college.

And that was SIX years ago. Want me to keep going? Here’s him at the combine… before a single NFL lift under his belt.

And those pipes have only gotten more swollen. I mean just use common sense. A grown-ass man can not pick up another grown-ass man and throw him out of a stadium the way Derrick Henry has (TWICE!) without having literal pythons for arms. If you want to claim your game is realistic, then you can’t be out here making Derrick Henry look like Calista Flockhart. Like Steve Rodgers before the serum. Like damn Mike Wazowski.

There are two things you never mess with when it comes to Tennessee. The size of Dolly Parton’s ta-ta’s and Derrick Henry’s arms. Just trust me, Madden. You do NOT want to try and take away big guns from Tennesseans.

P.S. #FreeKorkedBats

The post Hey Madden, When We Asked You To Change Your Game, We Didn’t Want You To Make Derrick Henry’s Arms Skinnier appeared first on Korked Bats.

I get it. Tensions are hella high right now. If people are using ALL CAPS on Twitter, I can’t imagine what it’s like in real life inside that bubble. Especially if it led to LeBron walking out early.

People will pick at him for this. That’s just a given. Mainly because people pick at LeBron for everything he does. But you can’t pick at him for not caring about others. This is a guy who’s opened up a school for struggling families, he partnered with the Dodgers to turn Dodger Stadium into a polling place, he’s been so proactive outside of basketball. So I don’t doubt that he got super passionate during that meeting.

Now, not to go all BuzzFeed headline writer on you, but what happens next may shock you.

El. Oh. El.

I actually respect the hell out of this move. Let he who hasn’t picked up the sticks in a fit of rage to let some steam off cast thy first stone. Madden is just like therapy, only way cheaper. At times, in college, after really stressful days, I would take my anger out on random civilians in Grand Theft Auto. So honestly, this is the most relatable thing LeBron could’ve done last night. And I freaking love it. Only way it could’ve been more relatable to me personally would be if he was dipping rice cakes into a jar of peanut butter while he played.

Not to mention. LeBron is in the bubble, away from his family and kids. Any married guy and/or dad will tell you: hopping on the sticks at his stage of life is a damn luxury. It’s rarified air. So honestly, I hope LeBron hops on the PlayStation, XBox, Sega Dreamcast, whatever EVERY chance he gets while in that bubble. Because once he leaves, that time to game will be gone.

I just love how one of the greatest athletes of all time and one of the most powerful voices in sports right now lets off steam the same way I (and probably many of us) do. Respect, King.

The post LeBron Walking Out Of The NBA Players Meeting & Hopping on Madden Is The Most Relatable Thing He’s Ever Done appeared first on Korked Bats.

Unfortunately, Odell Beckham Jr. is now out for the season, but who cares? VIDEO GAMES!!!!

The post FIRST LOOK: Odell Beckham Jr. On The Madden ’16 Cover appeared first on Korked Bats.

NASHVILLE, TN — Tennessee Titans agreed to terms with their leading tackler from last season, Madden’s Mini Linebacker. Early reports claim the deal is 7-years worth $125 million, which would make Mini Linebacker the highest paid player, dollar-for-pound, in NFL history.

Madden’s Mini Linebacker is entering his third year out of Lollipop Guild A&M and was the Tennessee Titans’ only Pro Bowler last season.

“We’re really excited about returning Madden’s Mini Linebacker to our roster, and we expect him to help us return to greatness,” said Titans General Manager Ruston Webster. “Which, for us, ‘greatness’ is winning 6 games in a season. So clearly, like our newest signee, our expectations are not very tall.” Webster also noted that Mini Linebacker isn’t perfect and still has a lot of room to grow, admitting that he doesn’t make every tackle. “A lot of times he gets run over. But when he does, it’s like, so adorable,” Webster gushed.

This news comes only days after the Titans already secured their punter and long snapper to long-term deals. Locking up their punt team and defense before anything else just goes to show you that the Titans’ priorities are in order.

Webster showed optimism over the team’s smallest player, “We’re hoping that if all goes according to planned, Mini Linebacker will also be able to take snaps at quarterback for us too, since we don’t really have one.”

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Titans Re-Sign Madden’s Mini Linebacker To 7-Year, $125 Million Deal appeared first on Korked Bats.

After finishing the season 2-14 and securing the #2 overall pick in the 2015 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans are just glad that anyone on their team is getting recognized for anything. “Frankly, we’re thrilled to actually have a Pro Bowler,” Titans GM Ruston Webster said. “We had no idea people even knew any of the players on our roster.”

Webster continued, “After the season we’ve had, we would’ve just accepted free tickets to the game or a Pro Bowl pennant or something. But having one of our players play in the game?!”

The Pro Bowl officials later clarified that no one said anything about a Titans player playing in the game. He was just voted onto the roster. Since he’s a Tennessee Titan, he’ll probably ride the bench the while game. Although, the fact that he’s a Titan doesn’t negate that fact that he’s had a great season. “It’s hard to argue voting Madden’s Mini Linebacker into the Pro Bowl,” Titans head coach Ken Whisenhunt said. “He put up video game-like numbers this year.”

Madden’s Mini Linebacker is the second Titans Pro Bowler in as many years and is the second shortest Pro Bowler this season, behind only the Eagles’ Darren Sproles.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

The post Madden’s Mini Linebacker Named Titans’ Only Pro Bowler appeared first on Korked Bats.

The Madden Curse comes up each year, the idea that whomever is placed on the cover of Madden that year will suffer through a jinxed year. President Obama contacted Madden about utilizing the curse last week, and hopes that the Madden Curse will continue its reign of terror now on Gaddafi. Obama is optimistic that this year’s curse will be an “extra cursey one,” even going as far as to say he hopes the Madden Curse “makes Gaddafi break his ankle and miss weeks of killing innocent civilians, and maybe he has less passing yards.”

Note: Others also considered for Madden 2012 Cover were Osama Bin Laden and Tim Tebow.

The post Gaddafi to Adorn Madden 2012 Cover appeared first on Korked Bats.

Korked Bats got an early copy of Madden 2012: Lockout Edition, and I was able to sit down with the game to compare the differences.

Let’s take a look at a few of the new features to Madden: Lockout Edition.

Since Madden LE doesn’t actually have an NFL season for you to play with, you won’t be playing any NFL games, which is a load off for those of us who don’t understand a freaking thing about calling defensive plays, and end up just asking Madden every single time. Instead of playing football, you can control your favorite players doing what they’ll be doing during the lockout. This, for the most part, consists of them sitting around playing Madden 2011, the last Madden game to come out when football was real.

Here is a general screenshot from Madden LE, a game between former professional athlete Antonio Pittman and former something Ted Ginn Jr. Notice the unlimited control you have in controlling the player controlling a game of Madden. You can’t actually see the Madden 2011 game they are playing, but you can control how long a player goes before he mismanages his money due to all of his free time, amongst other things.

There are even unlockable levels, such as the Kurt Warner bagging groceries level, Hines Ward competing on Dancing With The Stars, and the Ryan Leaf in prison then coaching semi-competitive golf minigames. You know, a blast from the past sort of thing. You can also play a small soccer mini-game with Chad Ochocinco until he gets cut by Sporting KC before that joke gets too out of hand.

Since not all players enjoy sitting around and playing video games, other players will have various levels for you to play. One of my favorites was the level entitled: “Dexter McCluster Wears His Full Uniform to a Gates BBQ and Hopes People Still Recognize Him.”

Notice the complete lack of care shown by the Gates BBQ general public, despite McCluster’s attempts at recognition. These are the perils of Madden: Lockout Edition.

Some other features of Madden 2012: Lockout Edition that stood out to me:

– Draft Day: Sit Out Style. You watch a top player watch himself get drafted on TV and you get to control his regret level for not attending the draft.

– Tweeting: You can control Chad Ochocinco’s Twitter.

– Peyton Manning Promo Man Skills Challenge: You tape promos for SNL and fifteen different commercials in under 45 seconds and you get to unlock a fun mini-game where Manning throws footballs at the back of kids heads while simultaneously donating money to Boys and Girls Club.

– Convince Yourself Baseball is Fun on TV: When your game’s internal calendar hits August, you get to answer a series of judgmental questions that lead you to believe you enjoy watching baseball way more than you actually do in an attempt to fill your Sunday void. Sample question: “Do you hate Jesus or love watching the Phillies v. Cardinals on FOX Saturday Afternoon Baseball?”

These are just some of the features of Madden 2012: Lockout Edition, go pick up a copy for yourself today! You have an entire year of nothing else to do.

The post Madden 2012 – Lockout Edition appeared first on Korked Bats.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

If you are reading this post, then I feel a little sorry for you.  Not only did you have to see this guys back hair, but you are also reading Korked Bats on Valentine’s Day.  We appreciate that you love us and that you want to be our Valentine.  But I am sorry, we are not ready for a monogamous relationship.  It isn’t you… It’s me. But since you decided to hang out with us instead of with a girl*, I think you deserve a little bit of love.  Being that it is the least masculine day of the year, I thought I would open up to you guys a little bit.  I have had a crush on some people/places/things for a while now, and I think that Feb.14 is the perfect day to confess my love.  So, without further adieu, let me tell you about all my secret loves…

* – I am assuming that our readers are male.  If you are female and single (and hot), please comment with your phone # and pictures.

Steve Nash

Okay so this one isn’t that big of a secret.  Those of you that have known me for a while have all experienced my love for Steve Nash.  I have always had an affinity for Point Guards, but once this dreamy Canadian came along, I was done with the likes of John Stockton, Magic Johnson, and Gary Payton. He is a 2-time MVP, 2-time Skills Competition Champion, and is the best player to ever play for the Phoenix Suns.  Not only is he an incredible athlete, but he is also one of the funniest players in the league and has a hot wife.  Is there anything this guy can’t do?… Well, dunk, but besides that.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Okay, so we may make fun of the Kardashians a lot on this site, but, I must confess, I actually like this show.  I am a huge fan of celeb-reality TV shows, and aside from Rock of Love, this one is the best.  For those of you that watch it, you know that this show is hilarious. They are one of the most dysfunctional families ever, and just watching their daily lives makes you feel so much better about yours.   You can make fun of me, but if you watch this show, you will like it too.  Plus, they have Lamar Odom now.

Raisin Bran Crunch

You can have your Cinnamon Toast Crunch and your Apple Jacks.  I friggin’ love Raisin Bran Crunch.  Seriously, I eat it almost every morning (or afternoon when hungover).   Plus, its got two scoops of raisins and is an excellent source of fiber.

Lady GaGa

Admit it, I’m not the only one that has a secret love for Lady GaGa.  You know you do too. And if you deny it, you’re lying. It’s like Brett Favre, apprrently everyone hates him yet he continues to play in some of television’s highest rated games. Did I just compare Lady Gaga to Brett Favre? Wow, let’s move on… None of her songs are really that good, but for some reason, I like them.  I don’t what it is about her, but this woman in infectious.  She wears the craziest costumes, has the strangest performances, and has set music back about 15 years, but you know that you love her and you can’t get enough GaGa.

Madden

When it comes to video games, I am extremely out of date.  I still play NBA Hangtime, Sonic the Hedgehog, and the newest football game I have is Madden 08 (but that is mainly because Vince Young is on the cover).  Well, I decided to borrow Madden 2010 from my roommate this week and I have become completely addicted.  Although it says that I have a really low Madden IQ, I still keep on winning.  Pat White just won NFL MVP and a Super Bowl, so I think I’m doing just fine, John.

YOU

Okay, so I may have said earlier that I am not ready for a relationship.  After thinking about it, I realized that you are a very special person and I don’t want to lose you.  So  let’s go for it and see where this relationship takes us.  Happy Valentine’s Everybody!

The post Love, Your Secret Admirer appeared first on Korked Bats.