Love, Your Secret Admirer


If you are reading this post, then I feel a little sorry for you.  Not only did you have to see this guys back hair, but you are also reading Korked Bats on Valentine’s Day.  We appreciate that you love us and that you want to be our Valentine.  But I am sorry, we are not ready for a monogamous relationship.  It isn’t you… It’s me. But since you decided to hang out with us instead of with a girl*, I think you deserve a little bit of love.  Being that it is the least masculine day of the year, I thought I would open up to you guys a little bit.  I have had a crush on some people/places/things for a while now, and I think that Feb.14 is the perfect day to confess my love.  So, without further adieu, let me tell you about all my secret loves…

* – I am assuming that our readers are male.  If you are female and single (and hot), please comment with your phone # and pictures.

Steve Nash

Okay so this one isn’t that big of a secret.  Those of you that have known me for a while have all experienced my love for Steve Nash.  I have always had an affinity for Point Guards, but once this dreamy Canadian came along, I was done with the likes of John Stockton, Magic Johnson, and Gary Payton. He is a 2-time MVP, 2-time Skills Competition Champion, and is the best player to ever play for the Phoenix Suns.  Not only is he an incredible athlete, but he is also one of the funniest players in the league and has a hot wife.  Is there anything this guy can’t do?… Well, dunk, but besides that.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Okay, so we may make fun of the Kardashians a lot on this site, but, I must confess, I actually like this show.  I am a huge fan of celeb-reality TV shows, and aside from Rock of Love, this one is the best.  For those of you that watch it, you know that this show is hilarious. They are one of the most dysfunctional families ever, and just watching their daily lives makes you feel so much better about yours.   You can make fun of me, but if you watch this show, you will like it too.  Plus, they have Lamar Odom now.

Raisin Bran Crunch

You can have your Cinnamon Toast Crunch and your Apple Jacks.  I friggin’ love Raisin Bran Crunch.  Seriously, I eat it almost every morning (or afternoon when hungover).   Plus, its got two scoops of raisins and is an excellent source of fiber.

Lady GaGa

Admit it, I’m not the only one that has a secret love for Lady GaGa.  You know you do too. And if you deny it, you’re lying. It’s like Brett Favre, apprrently everyone hates him yet he continues to play in some of television’s highest rated games. Did I just compare Lady Gaga to Brett Favre? Wow, let’s move on… None of her songs are really that good, but for some reason, I like them.  I don’t what it is about her, but this woman in infectious.  She wears the craziest costumes, has the strangest performances, and has set music back about 15 years, but you know that you love her and you can’t get enough GaGa.


When it comes to video games, I am extremely out of date.  I still play NBA Hangtime, Sonic the Hedgehog, and the newest football game I have is Madden 08 (but that is mainly because Vince Young is on the cover).  Well, I decided to borrow Madden 2010 from my roommate this week and I have become completely addicted.  Although it says that I have a really low Madden IQ, I still keep on winning.  Pat White just won NFL MVP and a Super Bowl, so I think I’m doing just fine, John.


Okay, so I may have said earlier that I am not ready for a relationship.  After thinking about it, I realized that you are a very special person and I don’t want to lose you.  So  let’s go for it and see where this relationship takes us.  Happy Valentine’s Everybody!

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