Hey Madden, When We Asked You To Change Your Game, We Didn’t Want You To Make Derrick Henry’s Arms Skinnier
We all know the joke. Every year Madden comes out with a brand new game that’s exactly the same. There’s no difference other than the price tag.
Graphics are the same. Gameplay is the same. Game modes are the same. Every year it’s a fresh coat of paint on boring-ass wall. I’d say it’s lipstick on a pig, but even pigs wearing lipstick look better than every year’s brand new Madden game.
Especially considering what they did to Derrick Henry.
This has to be a joke, right? Derrick Henry, the only running back in the league who rivals the size of Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP in peace), has been given the arms of a malnourished prisoner.
I’ve seen stick figures with bigger biceps than those things. Michelle Obama’s arms are more defined than that.
Even Derrick in that screengrab is looking at his puny arms like, “What the hell?! You mean to tell me I spent an entire offseason doing bosu ball-Flava Flav chain-pushups for THIS?!” Like have the game designers of Madden ever even seen a football game? Because they clearly haven’t seen his offseason workout videos.
This is how we see Derrick Henry:
Hell, this is how OLD SPICE sees Derrick Henry:
And this is how those doofuses over at Madden see him:
I mean, c’mon EA Sports. How are you gonna do him like that? It’s not like this is a recent glow-up. The man has always been huge. He’s always been the biggest man on the field. Hell, this was him in college.
And that was SIX years ago. Want me to keep going? Here’s him at the combine… before a single NFL lift under his belt.
And those pipes have only gotten more swollen. I mean just use common sense. A grown-ass man can not pick up another grown-ass man and throw him out of a stadium the way Derrick Henry has (TWICE!) without having literal pythons for arms. If you want to claim your game is realistic, then you can’t be out here making Derrick Henry look like Calista Flockhart. Like Steve Rodgers before the serum. Like damn Mike Wazowski.
There are two things you never mess with when it comes to Tennessee. The size of Dolly Parton’s ta-ta’s and Derrick Henry’s arms. Just trust me, Madden. You do NOT want to try and take away big guns from Tennesseans.
P.S. #FreeKorkedBats
