Titans Re-Sign Madden’s Mini Linebacker To 7-Year, $125 Million Deal

NASHVILLE, TN — Tennessee Titans agreed to terms with their leading tackler from last season, Madden’s Mini Linebacker. Early reports claim the deal is 7-years worth $125 million, which would make Mini Linebacker the highest paid player, dollar-for-pound, in NFL history.

Madden’s Mini Linebacker is entering his third year out of Lollipop Guild A&M and was the Tennessee Titans’ only Pro Bowler last season.

“We’re really excited about returning Madden’s Mini Linebacker to our roster, and we expect him to help us return to greatness,” said Titans General Manager Ruston Webster. “Which, for us, ‘greatness’ is winning 6 games in a season. So clearly, like our newest signee, our expectations are not very tall.” Webster also noted that Mini Linebacker isn’t perfect and still has a lot of room to grow, admitting that he doesn’t make every tackle. “A lot of times he gets run over. But when he does, it’s like, so adorable,” Webster gushed.

This news comes only days after the Titans already secured their punter and long snapper to long-term deals. Locking up their punt team and defense before anything else just goes to show you that the Titans’ priorities are in order.

Webster showed optimism over the team’s smallest player, “We’re hoping that if all goes according to planned, Mini Linebacker will also be able to take snaps at quarterback for us too, since we don’t really have one.”

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