Some Guys Are Going To Punch Each Other In The Face For Our Amusement

In light of PETA’s recent movement against horse racing (they say it is borderline violent to the animals), the sporting community has decided to have two guys punch each other in the face for a little bit tonight, on HBO.

Floyd Mayweather Jr., professional face-puncher, is stepping onto a rope-surrounded platform to try and punch fellow fist-flinger Shane Mosely in the face harder and more times than Mosely can Mayweather.

There is a large group of viewers who are excited about the upcoming fight, citing the fact that they probably won’t get punched in the face a lot as a main reason.

When reached for contact, Mayweather was quoted as saying, “Punching is too a thing that I is at,” he continued, “I think.”

Over the years, Mayweather has often been criticized for punching people in the face who aren’t as good as he is at punching people in the face, but it is a common belief that Shane Mosely is also pretty freaking good at punching people in the face in front of a bunch of other people, which should make for a good face-punching-get-together.

Mosely, on the other hand was quoted as saying, “I’m more than just a face-puncher. I occasionally punch his side, or hug him for a few seconds. Don’t trivialize me.”

Mosely continued, letting me know that if I kept on talking to him he would punch me square in the face.

If watching people punch each other in the face for a few hours for some money isn’t American or violent enough for you, be sure to check out the Kentucky Derby, where nearly weightless gentleman will ride animals that have been used as transportation for almost all of eternity. Keep in mind, though, you may need to look away, as some of the horses will be forced to conceive with female horses for the rest of their lives.


Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


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