Royals/Indians Decide to Play Game

After a discussion led to a debate, a debate led to some more debating and the Kansas City Royals and Cleveland Indians have decided to play, yet again, tonight at 8:10 p.m., CST. After a pitching rotation debacle that forced both teams to use their best pitchers in the same game, players found it difficult to find anything else to play for.

“Well I mean, I NEVER pay attention when I’m not pitching,” said Zack Greinke, the 3-games-under-.500 ace of the Royals staff, “so, no, I’ll probably try and get this dirt out from under my fingernails during most of the game,”

Greinke added, “This dirt is pesky.”

The teams got together following the Royals 2-1 victory over the Indians and discussed the future of their meaningless, pitiful excuse for a three game series. The teams decided to take a show of hands vote to determine whether or not they even bothered making the trip to Kauffman Stadium. The votes were tallied and the results were 14 to 11 in favor of playing. Many players neglected to cast votes.

“There was this giant bug, I guess I was distracted,” said Travis Hafner.

Hafner continued, “Like, seriously, this bug was a freaking giant, like it could eat you if you weren’t careful.” Hafner was then informed that the game was still going to be played and he shouted: “Aw c’mon! Foiled by a bug again!”

This was the third time this season that some sort of insect had influenced the outcome of an Indians game.

A few players demanded a recount, while others, such as Royals 1B Billy Butler, thought they were “raising my damn hand to get some ice cream or sumthin’.”



Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


2 thoughts on “Royals/Indians Decide to Play Game

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    August 18, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    I think you meant to write this article about the NL Central.


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