Ranking Every Pro Sport’s Contingency Plan
3. NHL
This comes from Sports Illustrated:
While the NHL weighs potential scenarios for finishing its suspended season, the league has considered a possible location for holding games.
Sportsnet’s Elliotte Friedman reported Sunday that the league has tossed around the idea of finishing its 2019-20 season and postseason in North Dakota if games could take place. The University of North Dakota’s Ralph Engelstad Arena in Grand Forks is among the places under consideration. The arena has an 11,640 seating capacity, but additional sites would be required.
Great things from North Dakota: Fargo. Carson Wentz. The mom from Bobby’s World for some reason? (I assume based solely on her accent)
And now the rest of the 2019-2020 NHL season?!
South Dakota may have the actual Mount Rushmore, but if North Dakota pulls this off, they’d secure a spot on the Mount Rushmore of states.
Make this happen, please.
Side note: if an NHL team wins the Cup in front of no fans, do they still take turns skating it around the ice while lifting it up?
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2. NBA
I was pretty excited to dig into the NBA’s plan because everywhere I looked, I kept seeing plans for the NBA’s “bubble” plan to resume play. A bubble? Are you kidding me? That would be awesome. Like those quarantine scenes from E.T., that Jake Gyllenhaal movie, or that one episode of Seinfeld?
Unfortunatley, however, the idea was not about a literal bubble, but rather just an idea to keep everything in one location, like baseball planned with Arizona. Buzz kill.
Had they made plans to play in a literal bubble, they would’ve been ranked #1. However, this ranking is still based solely on the idea of one man: Jason David Williams.
His idea? Two words: cruise ships.
Oh. Hell yes.
Get those stadium anthems going with cruise ship horns.
Look, is this idea crazy? Of course. But what idea isn’t crazy right now. Look, cruise ship companies are struggling (and unlike airline companies, I actually – and probably wrongfully so – have sympathy for them) as are sports leagues. This would benefit both. Plus, in between games, players could go down slides, play volleyball or maybe get stranded at sea and be forced to poop in buckets. Who knows?!
Plus, imagine LeBron winning a ring on a Princess cruise ship. How many rings did Jordan win on an ocean liner? Zero. He can be the GOAT, but LeBron would forever be known as the BOAT.
We already put college basketball on an aircraft carrier. And that was awesome. So why not the NBA on a Carnival, Royald Caribbean, or if they’re really trying to pinch pennies, Celebrity?
Sure there are probably negatives to this plan, but I get a in a carefree mindset whenever I think about cruises. So who cares? Let’s just enjoy it!
Also, there’s this ray of hope from Mark Cuban, via WFAA in Dallas:
“I mean you know no one has perfect information right now, and so all decisions are tough. But, you know, if I had to guess based off the people I’ve talked to at the CDC and other places — I would say that the over under would be June 1, and I’m taking the under.”
If you want optimism, there’s your optimism, but don’t read past this sentence.
At this point, it’s all just words. I love Mark Cuban, but he doesn’t know any better than anyone else at this point. Hell, Raven Simone can’t even see into this future. It’s all just a crapshoot with information changing everyday. And for that reason, I’m out.
No, I’m kidding. I hope he’s right.
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1. UFC
One word: island.
White said earlier this week that he had secured a private island, where he could conceivably book fights for international athletes who can’t get into the United States.
White remained adamant the UFC will be the first sports organization back in business.
“It’s all good. We’re going to get through this,” he said. “We’ll be the first ones back. Fight Island is coming, all the good stuff. It’s coming, man. We’ll get this thing squared away, get a date from ESPN, and we’ll be back first and we’ll get these fights going that everybody wants to see.”
This sounds like such a Bond villain move. Dana White’s trying to go all Dr. No, or more fittingly, Dr. Won’t Take No For An Answer. Hell, Dr. Evil literally pulled this exact move. And come to think of it, Dana White looks a lot like Dr. Evil.
I love that the private island has a name too: Fight Island.
Just when I thought I couldn’t love an idea more than Jay Williams’ dueling cruise ships, Dana White unveils plans for UFFC… Ultimate Fyre Fest Championships. Let’s go! Is my guy Billy MacFarlane involved? JaRule? Just make sure to bring enough bottle water.
Unfortunately, the fun police over at Disney put the squabash on this brilliantly manufactured plan:
“Today, we got a call from the highest level you can go at Disney, and the highest level at ESPN … and the powers that be there asked me to stand down and not do this event [next] Saturday,” White told ESPN’s Brett Okamoto on Thursday.
UFC 249 was scheduled to air on ESPN+. ESPN has a five-year contract as the exclusive home of UFC fights on its networks and pay-per-view services.
Hmmm… Disney squashed plans for UFC 249, only to break the news on a Disney-owned site??? Stay woke, sheeple!
Thanks for nothing, Disney. We had a good thing going with Fight Island, and you had to come along and squash it. Probably because you only want people at home rewatching Even Stevens reruns on Disney+ all day. You probably figured that when this all over, Fight Island would become the #1 attraction spot for families overtaking those little amusement parks you built in Orlando.
I guess I can finally relate to Ja…
Fight Island – which I hope will happen – remains the best (read: funniest) plan. So I’m on board. Regardless, let’s just bring back sports soon please? Obviously in the safest way possible, but the soonest safest way.
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Dishonorable mention: this Santa Clara County executive officer
This may very well be true, but you don’t just out-and-out say it. We need hope at time like this. Something to look forward to. You don’t tell your kid right now that there is no Easter bunny. You wait until AFTER this Sunday.
