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Friday, April 26, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

NFL Draft Translator

The NFL Draft is today, and let’s be honest, it can sometimes be confusing to watch. Especially if you don’t know the lingo. It’s like being in a conversation about Game of Thrones without ever seeing Game of Thrones. Don’t worry we’re here to help. Here’s a cheat sheet on some of the most notable NFL Draft terms and buzz words.

“high motor”

white guy

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“a Wes Welker type”

white guy who is a wide receiver

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“natural athlete”

black guy

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“game manager”

boring quarterback, a la Kirk Cousins

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“NFL ready”

is ready for the NFL

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“potential”

is not ready for the NFL

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“intangibles”

stuff

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“sleeper pick”

a guy who probably won’t be picked high and/or has narcolepsy

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“explosive”

is really fast and/or is a terrorist

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“video game-like numbers”

big numbers

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“I really like this pick”

the person talking really likes this pick

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“playmaker”

is really good at football and/or is Rodgers & Hammerstein enthusiast

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“plays with a chip on his shoulder”

is always angry and/or doesn’t wipe off Dorito crumbs after lounging on the couch

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“goose neck”

this guy has a neck that resembles a goose

(this one isn’t used very often)

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“solid”

good

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“soft hands”

is good at catching and I wouldn’t mind if he caressed my face

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“he sometimes has happy feet in the pocket”

he sometimes has a DVD of Happy Feet in his pocket

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“he can make all of the throws”

he can do what a quarterback is supposed to do

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“can I get more gel please?”

Mel Kiper needs more hair gel and doesn’t know his mic is still on

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“might still wet the bed”

this guy might still wet the bed

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“quick off the ball”

this guy has a fast first step, not to be confused with “quick leaving the ball,” which is just a reference to Cinderella

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“she’s really pretty”

referencing a cheerleader, sideline reporter, or Tom Brady

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“really ‘high’ motor”

Josh Gordon

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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