Merry Christmas! Here Are Gator’s Best NFL Picks On The Internet – Week 16

It’s been a long year of football. Each week, I’ve given you a pick for every single football game, and I haven’t received a single thank you. You’re all a bunch of monsters, and I hope you nothing but a crappy holiday and horrible 2021. With that said, here are more of my picks!

Lions @ Buccaneers (TB -9.5)

It feels as though the Bucs only play bad teams this year. I think this is a conspiracy to make Tom Brady look good. For all the hype surrounding Tampa this year, they really only look like an average team. Sure, they’ll make the playoffs, but they won’t make a deep run. Sure, they’ll win this week, but they won’t cover.

PICK: Lions 23, Bucs 30

Dolphins @ Raiders (MIA -3)

This is a huge match-up for Pacific Islanders! If Marcus Mariota gets the start, it’ll be the first NFL game where both starting quarterbacks are Pacific Islanders. What some are already dubbing the “Moana Bowl” is crucial for playoff seedings. If the Raiders lose, they’re eliminated. If the Dolphins lose, they’re as good as eliminated. Hmmmm… I don’t see the Dolphins in the playoffs so we’re going with Vegas!

PICK: Dolphins 23, Raiders 24

Colts @ Steelers (IND -1.5)

I heard they’re going to reboot Footloose again. This time JuJu Smith-Schuster will be staring in a football adaptation. A man who only has dance in his heart is forced to stop by a mean old coach (played by Mike Tomlin). Drama ensues, and a 3-game losing streak turns into a moment that shows that in the NFL, wins and losses don’t matter, only the quality of your TikTok videos.

PICK: Colts 31, Steelers 20

Bills @ Patriots (BUF -7)

I can’t believe I lived long enough to see the Patriots out of the playoffs again. Truly a magical time to be alive. Instead of dwelling on the horrible things in 2020, we should focus on the positives! For example, the Patriots dynasty is over, and the year is almost over! This seems to be a game where the Bills can really rub it in to make up for the last 20 years of torture by whooping the Pats into the new year. Bills big.

PICK: Bills 31, Patriots 10

Rams @ Seahawks (SEA -1.5)

Did the Jaguars pay the Rams to take a dive on Sunday for the number 1 pick? That’s honestly the only explanation I can come up with to explain how they lost to the Jets. An all around awful performance by the Rams ruined every Jets’ fan’s Christmas by taking away the chance to draft Trevor Lawrence. Oh well. Always next year, Jets! Anyways, this game will pretty much decide the NFC West. Seahawks have the better quarterback, so I’m going with them.

PICK: Rams 27, Seahawks 30

Vikings @ Saints (NO -7)

In other sinking NFC team news, the Saints have lost 2 straight and seem destined to finish as the 2 seed in the NFC. In every year before, this would still be good enough for a bye, but now that 7 teams from each conference make the playoffs, the 2 seed has to play in the first round. This is bad news for the Saints who are notorious playoff chokers. They’re gonna end their losing streak, but it won’t stop them from making a quick exit in the playoffs.

PICK: Vikings 17, Saints 23

49ers @ Cardinals (ARZ -5)

Wow, hard to believe that less than a year ago, the 49ers had a 4th quarter lead in the Super Bowl… Now they’re officially eliminated from the playoffs, and have three 3rd string quarterbacks rotating playing time for the sake of fairness (yes, I’m counting Jimmy G, come at me). It seems as though the Cardinals are going to sneak into the playoffs, and if match up against a struggling team like the Saints or Rams, I like Arizona bigger than Kyler Murray is small.

PICK: 49ers 14, Cardinals 38

Falcons @ Chiefs (KC -10.5)

I read an article about that Younghoe Koo kid. Great inspirational story, but it completely ignores how handsome he is! Has there ever been a better looking kicker? I did some research, and yup, it turns out that he is in fact the most handsome kicker of all time. This a huge win for the Falcons, and probably the only win they’ll have for the rest of 2020.

PICK: Falcons 13, Chiefs 31

Browns @ Jets (CLE -9.5)

2020 has been the best year for Cleveland in a long time. Besides the fact that their sports teams suck, it’s a town with very little to do. Now, in 2020 not only are the Browns good, but you’re supposed to stay at home! Perfect for people who live in Cleveland with nothing to do.

PICK: Browns 31, Jets 12

Bears @ Jaguars (CHI -7.5)

If Garnder Minshew is playing, he will have all the motivation in the world to win. Why? Because if the Jaguars lose out, they’ll have the first pick in the draft, and most likely take his replacement. The Bears shockingly enough still have a chance to make it in the playoffs. I don’t know who’s gonna win, so I’m gonna go with the upset! Go Jags!

PICK: Bears 20, Jaguars 27

Giants @ Ravens (BAL -11)

When I was in my younger, more formable years, Colt McCoy was drafted to save the Browns franchise. Even more, he signed an exclusive deal with Sketchers to be the face of velcro shoes (not kidding). Now what seems to be 20 years later, he is starting for the Giants. And old enough to once again wear velcro shoes That does not bode well for the other team in New York. Baltimore has to keep winning to stay in the hunt. They’re gonna win big.

PICK: Giants 13, Ravens 34

Bengals @ Texans (HOU -8)

In the Who Gives A Crap Game of the Week, two teams that don’t matter face off to play in a game that under 100 people will watch. Including the players of both teams. In honor of that sub 100 person viewing audience, I’m keeping this pick under 100 letters!

PICK: Bengals 24, Texans 29

Denver @ Chargers (LAC -3)

The Chargers finally won’t close game! Yes, they missed two game-winning field goals, but they held the Raiders out of the endzone and won in overtime! Looks like the Chargers have finally gotten over the choking hump right? WRONG! I predict a choke job this week out of nowhere! Just for old time’s sake! Drew Lock steals the show too!

PICK: Broncos 31, Chargers 28

Panthers @ Football Team (WAS -2)

I want to talk a bit about Dwayne Haskins. Finally, he gets a chance to start again, and he decides to go to a strip club… MASKLESS! Dude, c’mon! It’s 2020. No one cares if you’re in the strip club, but you need to be masked up. If there’s any place a mask would be extremely useful it would be there. Pandemic or not. Now, he’s been fined by the Football Team, and even worse stripped of the C on his jersey. So sad. Hope it was worth it for him.

PICK: Panthers 27, Football Team 23

Eagles @ Cowboys (PHI -2.5)

These two teams come into the matchup at 4-9-1, and 5-9 respectfully. Despite both of these dismal records, a win could get both one step closer to a NFC East title. Whether it’s fair or not, who cares? Life’s not fair. Get over it, you cry babies. Also because of all the hate, it’s pretty obvious that whoever comes out of the NFC East is going to win a playoff game or two. MY prediction is that team is destined to be the Eagles! Go Birds!

PICK: Eagles 42, Cowboys 10

Titans @ Packers (GB -3.5)

The best team in the NFC who just happens to have the MVP (Yes I said it, Rodgers deserves is), can seal the top spot with a win against the Titans. The problem is, the Titans are desperate for a win as well. In my big upset pick of the week, I’m calling a Titans upset, where King Henry racks up another 200 yards rushing. Titan Up!

PICK: Titans 35, Packers 32

P.S. This song slaps.