Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Look At What You Started, Brett!

Dear Brett Favre-

Look at what you started! On July 13th, Derrick Mason retired from football. On August 1st, Derrick Mason came out of retirement.

First, you made the whole “wearing Wrangler Jeans” thing cool. Now you are making the whole “retire, realize you made a mistake, and come back out of retirement” thing popular. This is a problem. What does the word “retire” even mean anymore? I am retiring from the game of football… But don’t worry, I’ll be back in the middle of camp just in time for the final preseason game.

This is all your fault, Brett. You have done it for two summers in a row now. Don’t try and pawn this responsibility off to someone else either. This isn’t Ricky Williams fault… He doped for a year and came back. So technically he WAS retired. (and retarded, but that’s another topic for another day.) And don’t even think about bringing Michael Jordan into this. He is the greatest of all time. He can do whatever he wants. Heck, Jordan could piss on the Staples Center, blow up the league offices, and kill Dikembe Mutombo, and he would still be cool in everyone’s books.

Don’t get me wrong, Brett. We love you. You provided us with years of amazing plays and great football. But you know Nicholas Cage provided us with years of entertaining movies. And then he came out with Bangkok Dangerous, Knowing, and Ghost Rider. My point being, just because you WERE great doesn’t give you a lifetime of immunity. Honestly, just ask Madonna. If you want to be back in the spotlight, don’t claim you are going to make a return to the NFL, just hook up with A-Rod.

I’m sorry, for getting so down on you, I just felt that I just bring it to your attention the monster you have created. I wish you the best of luck in your retirement. I think this link may help you out.

Your Pen Pal,


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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