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Let Me Be Frank With You…

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Who are “they”?

So last night while I was watching Duke lose to Florida State (who lost to one of the worst teams in all of basketball, Auburn), I saw a commercial for FRS Energy Juice or Powder, or Steroids or whatever FRS is. It starred Tim Tebow. If you haven’t seen it, here it is. I’m not one to hate on Tebow like some other people on this site. In fact, I have admitted to having a man crush on Tebow. No homo. But what got me about the commercial is the absurdity of the script.

Throughout the commercial, Tim talks about how “they” doubted his skills and “they” doubted that he would never be a D1 athlete.

He was rated the number 1 quarterback coming out of high school obviously with offers from everyone.

He then goes on to talk about how “they” said he couldn’t win a Heisman and couldn’t win a national title.

Who are these “they” people? Tell us who you are talking about, Tim.

Austin Huff?

Men’s restroom lines are about to get much longer.

Sure, newspapers are a nice thing to stare at when using a urinal. But what if you could play video games that give you real money?! Well, thanks to Sega (a company I didn’t know still existed), we soon may be able to! Here’s a snippet from AOL’s report:

The sensor sends that information to a screen above the porcelain urinal, where users can keep real-time tabs on their bathroom performance.

The games are pretty straightforward:

  • “Manneken Pis” calculates exactly how much a player peed.
  • In “Graffiti Eraser,” players try to urinate forcefully to blast graffiti off a wall.
  • In “The North Wind and Her,” gamers act as the wind, attempting to lift a woman’s dress with powerful blasts.
  • In “Milk From Nose,” players go head to head with the previous urinal user to see who has the strongest flow. The gamers appear as sumo wrestlers who squirt milk from their noses to push their peers out of the ring.

The report also claims that players proud of their scores may download them to a flash drive. This is awesome and I can’t wait for them to make it to America. But, please don’t put them in sports venues.

We’re not THAT gullible LeBron.

After the Cavs’ 55 point loss to the Lakers, LeBron James tweeted this:

“Crazy. Karma is a b****. Gets you every time. It’s not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!”

This is obviously a jab at Cavs’ owner Dan Gilbert. Furthermore, LeBron must assume we’re all dumb because he ACTUALLY tried to convince us that it wasn’t a jab at the Cavs. He even went as far as to tell us he didn’t even write it, hinting at it being a re-tweet of something someone said to him. Unfortunately for LeBron, most of us are tech savvy enough to know when you re-tweet someone’s tweet it features an “RT” along with an “@” sign and the tweet originator’s name.

Gah, everyone knows that.

(Was that nerdy?)

Eat crow Mark Schlabach.

If you want to read an article that is completely off base written in 2008, click here. In it, ESPN.com writer Mark Schlabach completely rips Auburn for the hiring on Gene Chizik. Titled Tigers’ haphazard search leads to Chizik, Schlabach writes the following sentences:

The Tigers hired Gene Chizik, a coach who went 5-19 in his two seasons as head coach at Iowa State, and ended the 2008 season with a 10-game losing streak.

Jacobs might have just presided over the most haphazard search in recent college football history.

Auburn hired a coach who seemed to be a dead man walking at Iowa State. In recent weeks, Chizik demoted both his coordinators and fired two assistant coaches. That’s not a sign of stability.

How Jacobs settled on Chizik is perplexing.

All of the aforementioned head coaches were more qualified than Chizik — at least their teams won during the final three months of the regular season.

Auburn didn’t want the Big 12 coach whose team went 11-1 playing in college football’s toughest division.

Auburn wanted the Big 12 coach whose team went 2-10 playing in the league’s lesser division.

Auburn needed to think outside the box in making this hire. Jacobs certainly did that, hiring a coach with a losing record from Iowa State.

There’s a better coach out there than the one they just lost.

Call Tommy Tuberville.

Ouch, Mark. Remind me not to listen to your opinion on anything.

I love you Randall Cobb. No homo, again.

This is a selfish topic and 99.9% of you don’t care, but a little bit of me died today as Kentucky wide receiver, kick returner, punt returner, quarterback, holder, running back, certified bad-a has declared for the NFL Draft. I am currently in mourning. Please send your thoughts and prayers to me as I deal with this tragic loss.

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As always, if you have any ideas for future posts or just come across something funny, please shoot me an email at Frank@KorkedBats.com.

0 thoughts on “Let Me Be Frank With You…

  • Avatar
    January 13, 2011 at 12:37 pm
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    I’m pretty sure that’s not a picture of Randall Cobb. In fact, I’m nearly certain that’s a picture of “The Famous Jet Jackson.”

    Reply
  • Avatar
    January 13, 2011 at 5:58 pm
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    Jesus shaved and went to the tanning bed?

    Reply
  • Avatar
    January 13, 2011 at 8:43 pm
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    Chizik didnt win it the $180,000 (at minimum) won it.

    Reply

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