Monday, April 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Let Me Be Frank With You…


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Just when I thought Tom Brady couldn’t get any gayer…

He goes and does something like this, and TOTALLY…confirms it.

No, I’m not going to talk about his model shots for Stetson Cologne. I just typed in “Tom Brady Gay” and that’s what I found. I’m not even going to talk about his current haircut that rivals Justin Beiber’s as the most ridiculous pretty-man-hair in pop culture today.

This one tops them all.

Tom Brady is the new spokesman for UGG Boots. And I’m not making this up. In a statement released yesterday, Brady said,

“I have worn and loved the UGG brand for a long time. This collaboration gives me an opportunity to work with a leading global brand with a great history and a true vision for the future of its men’s collection. It’s an exciting time to be part of the UGG Australia team.”

So, not only is Brady selling his manhood to UGG, he also admitted to wearing UGGs “for a long time”. I wonder if he wears them with black tights and these shorts (Which, by the way, I am convinced there is not one female college student in America who doesn’t own those dadgum shorts in some color. Seriously, if you’re lucky enough to still be in college count how many of those you see on the way to class. They’re so “in” right now.)

But back to Tom Brady being far too gay to be married to this. He might as well start endorsing Stayfree Maxi Pads, Lifetime: Television for Women, and bobby pins. Actually, I think Jeff Garcia called shotty on those three.

Wait a second, there’s more!

While I was looking into the whole UGG Boot situation, I came across another reason to make fun of Tom Brady. And once again, this picture has nothing to do with it. I just felt obliged to use it.

The National Enquirer reported that Brady’s car was spotted outside Leonard Hair Transplant Associates in Cranston, R.I., on Nov. 9. That would be the office of Dr. Robert Leonard, described on his website as “New England’s foremost authority on hair restoration.”

“A lot of people think only women have a bad hair day, but men can be affected just as much,” celebrity hairstylist Michael Shaun Corby said. “Men have the same problems, they just don’t feel attractive if they don’t have a good hair day.”

Tom, please stop.

Seriously James Harrison, learn a lesson.

I don’t have much of an opinion on the new rules aimed at protecting players in the NFL. Sure, I’d like to see big hits and feel like the rules are taking a lot out of the game, but I’m also not one of the ones out there getting my brain damaged by 275 lb. men. In any case, I do have an opinion on one thing. James Harrison is an idiot. Harrison was fined $25,000 this week for the helmet to helmet hit on Ryan Fitzpatrick pictured above. If I’m not mistaken, this is Harrison’s 948th fine of the 2010 season. His current fine total on the year is $125,000.

Look, we get it, you’re a hard hitter James. We’ve known that for the seemingly 20 years you’ve been in the league. Now, is it THAT hard to stop pulverizing people’s skulls?

Assuming the commercials are right and it is possible to feed a starving child in Africa for just $0.15 a day, he could pay for over 2,283 years worth of meals for one child. So, let’s pretend Jesus was an African child. The amount of money spent by James Harrison in bonehead fines this season alone could have fed Jesus for another 200 something years if he was still walking this earth (in the human form). Am I taking this too far? OK, I’ll shut up and let this guy talk:

This guy should have never resigned.

Meet Bob Green, an NAIA football coach who resigned a few weeks back. Old news? Maybe. But definitely worth a watch. This guy is going to be such an awesome grandpa, if he isn’t already one.

How is “Cooler Than Me” still a popular song?

This really baffles me. The first time I heard the song I kind of felt embarrassed for the guy singing because it was such a horrible song with even more horrible lyrics. I’m going to go ahead and say whoever Mike Posner is talking about in the song probably IS cooler than him. Look at him. He’s a Caucasian Duke graduate who is trying to make it as a hip hop artist. The sad thing about humanity is, he is making it as a Caucasian Duke graduate hip hop artist.

As always, if you have any ideas for future posts or just come across something funny, please shoot me an email at Frank@KorkedBats.com.

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