Monday, April 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Korked Bats Pick ‘Em – Week 4

Four under-qualified competitors. Five games a week. First to 50 wins. And that is all that matters.

*Note about the graphics & such*

Sorry readers (and Jared), I completely forgot to take Slack out of the graphics but I’ll consider upping the professionalism next week and making the necessary adjustments. Stay tuned in the ongoing saga of my epic laziness. Also, the official 2010 Wonderlic scores have yet to be released to the public so we’ll adjust the standings when that glorious day arrives.




March 8 – 14

3/9 76ers @ Pacers
3/12 Bulls @ Heat
3/12 Wizards @ Pistons
3/13 Nuggets @ Grizzlies

Will UConn Women’s Basketball’s win streak (70 games) continue through the week (March 14th)?



“Alright… This is getting ridiculous. I’m tired of having bad weeks. I am done messing around. I have given everyone an adequate chance to catch up. It’s go time. Let’s make this week’s picks.

Finally, we have the chance to pick a game in the NBA that actually MATTERS! As some of you know, I am a big Pacers fan. Of course being a big Pacers fan is like being a huge fan of aluminum siding. There’s just not much to cheer for. The 76ers are awful on the road (13-20). However, the Pacers have lost 8 of their last 10 games including the last 4. All week, I have been leaning toward the 76ers, but today I came to my senses and realized there is no way I can pick against my team, the 2010-2011 NBA World Champions, the Indiana Pacers. Boom Baby!

Bulls and Heat? I don’t have anything fun to say about this game. I’m picking the Heat.

I don’t believe in magic. I don’t like Harry Potter. Michael Jordan should have stayed retired. And Gilbert Arenas is still suspended. I’m taking the Pistons in the Palace.

For our final game, I’m going to be (James) Blunt with you. You may think I’m “Out Of My Mind” with this pick, but I like the Nuggets in this one. I think they’re “Beautiful”. I think they will “Shine On” with their “High” style of basketball. “I Really Want You” to agree with me on this pick. I promise I will get it right. I won’t make the “Same Mistake” that I did last week. Let’s be honest, the Nuggets have “One Of The Brightest Stars” in Carmelo Anthony. So, listen to me and “Give Me Some Love”. That’s it. I’m done. “Goodbye My Lover”.

UConn Women’s Basketball has something special going here. They have a win streak going that is the longest since their own record from 2001-2003. However, it’s a shame no one really knows about it because it’s women’s college basketball. But honestly, having the Lady Huskies in the NCAA is like having Optimus Prime for your submission to your Middle School Science Fair. Or I guess in this instance would be a Science Unfair. They are too good for the sport. It makes me wonder if these girls are actually girls? Or just a bunch of Jonathan Brandises from the movie ‘Ladybugs’. But yes, I think UConn Lady Huskies will run the table for the rest of the season and will finished undefeated.

…Jump stop.”

• • • • •


“Looks like the other writers have finally found my weakness. Since I have been dominating in College Basketball picks, they decided to throw NBA match ups with me. Not only that, they decided to choose some of the worst teams in the NBA meaning that not one of these games will be showing on national television. Hell, these games are so bad that UPN chose to play Moesha reruns over these crap teams. But hey, I guess I have to go against the odds and dominate another week…
76ers – Allen Iverson is a drunk and has a gambling problem. Although that is bad, the Pacers have a losing problem. Apparently they are addicted to looking as bad as the Nets.
Heat – Dwayne Wade vs. Derrick Rose? I’ll take the guy that passed his ACTs.
Detroit – I honestly don’t like this pick, but I love Rip Hamilton. I bet he still holds a grudge against the Washington Bullets and goes for 30.
Nuggets – The Brickety Bird Man is gonna fly.
The Streak Continues – No one can beat them and no one cares”

• • • • •

“I went 4-0 last week. That’s all I’ve got as far as trash talking this week because it’s tough to talk smack when you all have the same record (we won’t count the Slack/Jared hybrid). You probably don’t have time to read much more anyway since, judging by the fact you are at this point of the web page, you have already read the 400 page novel Austin disguised as his week 4 Pick ‘Em commentary. That’s the longest thing I’ve read since the first Boxcar Children in third grade.
As for my picks, since it’s obviously NBA week here on KB Pick ‘Em, I have consulted my 12 year old nephew, Will, who is the only person I know who has watched an NBA regular season game in it’s entirety since Robert Parrish retired. The only one he wasn’t solid on was the Wizards/Pistons game. So if I’m wrong about that one, he made me do it. And you could have asked me if UCONN would beat everyone they play the rest of the year by at least 15 and my answer would be yes. So, yes. And like Chip said, no one cares.”
• • • • •


“Gimme the home teams except the Nuggets, because I hate to pick against a coach with cancer. No clever insights this week, daddy’s got work to do. Oh, and of course UConn keeps rolling…unless they run into Brittany Griner’s fist.”

• • • • •

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