Korked Bats Pick ‘Em – Week 3

Four under-qualified competitors. Five games a week. First to 50 wins. And that is all that matters.


So, we lost a writer/pick ’em contestant this week. No, we didn’t actually LOSE HIM, lose him, but he did retire from KB and we wish him the best on his future blogging/xanga/myspace/facebook/actual career. We’ll miss you Slack. Now, I am not 100 percent certain if last week’s abysmal 1-4 performance had anything to do with the decision, but I’m sure it didn’t help. Luckily we had some spare Korked Batters floating around in the minors and are happy to announce our very own Jared Launius will be taking his place (and record unfortunately). Now remember, we at Korked Bats we are very low no negative budget so you’ll have to wait until next week to see some new graphics including Jared and excluding Slack (I just shed a tear. I’ll miss you man.). But until then, we shall refer to the Slack-Jared hybrid as “Jack” (how did I not win most creative in high school?). On to this week’s pick…




March 1 – 7

3-1 Georgetown @ West Virginia

3-6 West Virginia @ Villanova

3-6 Texas @ Baylor

3-7 Lakers @ Magic

Higher Wonderlic score – Tebow or McCoy



“Well, like I said, I was going to miss a couple on purpose last week just to make things a little closer for the other guys. However, I’m still 7-3 on the year and in control of first place. I will admit, I’m a little bummed that I didn’t go undefeated again, but hey, at least I’m not Slack. Enough, tooting my own horn, let’s get on to this week’s picks.

I have West Virginia at home, because let’s face it. When a team loses at home to Notre Dame WITHOUT their best player, then picking them would be dumber than that time I picked the Germans to win World War II. As for the second game… West Virginia twice in one week? Somewhere, the ghost of Bob Denver is smiling down upon Korked Bats. However, those country roads that take him home don’t run through Philadelphia. Nova bounces back from being embarrassed in Syracuse. When it comes to Baylor and Texas, I feel like I should take Baylor. Texas has had a worse streak of luck than Slack in this Pick ‘Em Challenge. However, I feel bad for them (and Slack), so I’m going to take Texas on the road. Call me crazy (and I probably won’t disagree with you.) In our final game, Orlando is a tough place to play, but I can’t bet against Kobe. Lakers win.

As for our fifth pick, I’m going to say McCoy scores higher in the Wonderlic. Unless of course on the sixth question, McCoy gets writers cramp and is out for the rest of the test and has to get some freshman to finish it for him. But still, I think McCoy will beat Tebow in the Wonderlic test, and after, Tebow will cry.”

• • • • •

“Still holding down that second place, but I got a little bit closer to that number one spot this week.  It is only a matter of time, my friends.  I just wanted to say that I should be 4-1 right now.  I actually picked Tennessee over Kentucky, but Frank didn’t want to have to admit that the Coach Cal and his illegal recruits were going to lose in Knoxville.  It was good to see that Cop Out made it out of the weekend with a 20% rank… that means that it is probably a good movie since Rotten Tomatoes is full of elitists and emo-kids (Jared Launius).  But besides that, I guess I need to make some more amazing picks and jump Austin real quick.

West Virginia – I had no idea that the Mountaineers were actually good this season.  I also had no idea that their were black people in the state of West Virginia.  I’ll pick WVA since G’Town is a very inconsistent away team.
Villanova – I don’t know why Frankie chose 2 West Virginia games this week, but I’ll allow it.  I’m gonna have to take Nova in this one just due to the fact that Scottie Reynolds has been in college longer than Van Wilder.
Baylor – The Bears have played great at home this season and Texas is falling faster than 9.81 m/s2 (If you got that, then you are a nerd).  And apparently picking against Texas is working for me, so I’ll stick with it.
Lakers – This is the toughest one.  I love Dwight Howard, but with Kobe back to full strength and Adam Morrison without a mustache, I’m gonna have to go for LA.
Tebow – He is the golden child.  When he smiles, it’s like the first time you heard the Beatles.  I like Colt McCoy, and I am sure he will get a high grade, but Tebow has God on his side (and his eye black).”
• • • • •

“I’m can’t tell you how much of a kick I get out of the fact that Chip still thinks he has a chance in this competition. I guarantee you he spends more time researching the games than the rest of us combined (he doesn’t have any natural sports knowledge), yet I would bet all I have (which sure isn’t much) that he finishes in the bottom half when all is said and done. I would say he’ll finish last but Slack pretty much ruined everything for Jared. But I expected nothing less from a guy that thinks UT’s athletics department is respectable. Go ahead Chip, hang a banner for the big win over UK that meant virtually nothing to the Cats. It would look good next to all the women’s banners in Thompson Bowling Arena and the Sweet 16 men’s one they have hanging up). Perspective buddy, perspective.
Anyway, enough talking about children, on to this week’s picks. I think West Virginia beats Georgetown in a nail-biter. I just think the physical presence of Pittsnogle in the paint will be too much for Ewing to handle. However, it’s going to be a whole nother story (I know “nother” isn’t a word but people say it all the time so i might as well use it) in their next game against Kerry Kittles and the Villanova Wildcats. Nova just has a better mascot. Baylor should be able to knock off T.J. Ford and the Longhorns since they are terrible now. As for the Magic-Lakers game, I know all of you are probably jumping on the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar/Magic Johnson/Jerry West bandwagon, but I just don’t see Penny Hardaway, Shaquille O’Neal, and Horrace Grant losing to anyone. And Tebow will beat McCoy in the Wonderlick just like he would have beat him if they met in the National Championship game. All you Tebow haters (cough, AUSTIN HUFF, cough) need to find a new hobby and appreciate Tim Tebow. The man is a winner and will be in the NFL as well.”
• • • • •


“So I’m inheriting Slack’s position in Pick ‘Em. Here’s my first week’s picks.

I’ll keep this short for a few reasons. I’ve got stuff to do, and- more importantly- Wall-E is on the television, and I don’t like missing Wall-E.

So Georgetown lost to Notre Dame sans-Harangody at home Saturday. Losing to an inferior team at home? Sounds like Georgetown out-Notre-Damed Notre Dame. Zing! Thanks you, thank you. I’m here to stay. Now Georgetown travels to play West Virginia- a very good team- on the road without its best player, Austin Freeman. Plus, Georgetown reminds me a lot Austin Huff, purely physically speaking. Like Austin, your first look at Georgetown might leave you thinking, ‘alright, this team doesn’t look bad.’ But then, as you examine things closer (in the case of Georgetown, their uninspiring record, in the case of Austin, everything about his physical appearance), you see that there’s just not much to like.

My initial inclination is to stray away from Nova. I hate to continue picking on Austin, but Scottie Reynolds, like Mr. Huff, seems to have been in college for more than four years. Deeper examination shows, though, that Reynolds is only in his fourth year of college. Phew, now I can go back to rooting for them.

I probably have better explanations for picking Baylor than the one I’m about to explain, but they’d involve actual research. Considering Wall-E is macking like crazy on EVE in space with his fire hydrant right now, I’d prefer just to generalize. So here’s what I know: Frank like the University of Tennessee, or UT. I don’t like Frank. Texas also goes by UT, and it’s stupid for two colleges to call themselves the same thing. Baylor it is.

My logic for the Lakers is simple. At full strength, they are the best team in the league. I read an article on Basketball Prospectus today that supports that. The only scenario in which I could take the Magic is if the Lakers were to be coming off of a back-to-back. They’re not. They’re healthy. They’re better. They win. Chip is a stupid name.

Finally, for the main event. Tebow vs. McCoy. First, I should say that McCoy wins this. Texas is a better school than Florida. Anyway, I have a plan: let’s Pay-Per-View  this. Let’s put Tim and Colt in a room with Alex Trebek or Ben Bailey, give them buzzers, and let’s ask them to solve simple mathematics problems. Let’s ask them where the Gettysburg Address was given. Let’s ask them who directs ‘Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail.’ Who wins? America.”

• • • • •

One thought on “Korked Bats Pick ‘Em – Week 3

  • Avatar
    March 2, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I think Austin is going to win again this week purely because in his explanation for the wonderlic test pick he made fun of both the QBs situations that occurred while they played BAMA! RTR


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